I just got top dentures today. I decided to keep a diary of sorts to see how this massive change to my face affects my life.
HOW MY TEETH GOT BAD
First, a little history. I have epilepsy and was put on the medication Tegritol from 1993-2008. In 2004 I was informed that the seizure medicine was softening my teeth, causing them to crack and making it easy to get cavities. I had severe allergic reactions to local anesthetics all my life, so I had to go to a dental school to receive general anesthesia. At that time, I was warned that the damage was too severe, and I would likely need dentures in 10 years.
Then I moved states and lost my insurance. I no longer had easy access to a dental surgery school. I went to the local dental school, but they could not transfer me to the surgical part. I would need a regular dentist to do that. Once my husband and I finally got on medical and dental insurance again, I began looking for a dentist who could do general anesthesia. I found one, who shall remain nameless. I was told that not only would I have to fly their general anesthesiologist from California, but then the cost would be $300 every 15 minutes. That did not include the dental work. All in all, $5000 was the quote. We barely had $1000 to spare. I got angry that I could fly to Mexico and have the same job done for half the price. After that, I pretty much gave up on the idea of fixing my teeth.
Five years passed. Teeth that had small cavities suddenly had gapping holes. Although I was no longer on that tooth-destroying medication, the damage was done. Simply biting into a peanut hidden in my Chinese food could crack and completely break off a tooth. I called dentist after dentist only to be told they couldn't help me due to my allergies and epilepsy. We lost our insurance again, and any hopes of getting work done died. I simply reduced my diet to pastas, soups, anything soft, and took care of my teeth as best as I could with restorative toothpastes and mouthwashes.
POINT OF NO RETURN
My teeth issue became so bad that five months ago, November 2011, I got a severe abscess. We were told that my husband's insurance would kick in 90 days after he was hired, so I put ice packs on my face and suffered through it for two weeks as we waited for that magical 90th day. It arrived, and we found out that 90 days was when he became eligible for insurance, but the actual coverage would not start until January 1st, 2012. The swelling was affecting my ability to breathe. I was a one step away from an ER visit. No way could I last that long!
The infection spread until it infected three teeth. I had to quit playing trombone. My throat swelled until I was gagging, I became feverish, my ears were affected, and I was stuck at home in utter agony.
I was desperate and went to Gentle Dental. Once again, I was told that they could do nothing for me, what with the health issues. However, since I was truly a medical emergency at this point, they set up for me to see an oral surgeon. That was arranged, and he asked if I had ever tried Carbocaine. Never heard of it. Last time I agreed to a medication I had never heard of before, I was given Diprivan and my throat swelled shut. However, that was already happening with the abscess. I knew this infection would become fatal if I did nothing. What did I have to lose?
Needless to say, I was desperate. I decided to play his game of Russian Roulette and try this mysterious new local anesthetic. Many precautions were taken: antibiotics, steroids, antihistamines, monitors all over the place to keep an eye on my vitals. Verced was used to deal with the epilepsy issues. I drifted off to sleep hoping that, at the very least, I would wake up.
It worked! No instant death, no choking, no swelling, no blood pressure bottoming out, no needing to be resuscitated. Three teeth were pulled, yet I was warned at that time, I really needed a denture. My top teeth were too far gone.
NEW DOCTOR, NEW TEETH
Finally we got insurance in January, and I started the process by getting a dentist in our town who took our insurance. My new dentist agreed, I needed my upper teeth extracted, a top denture, bottom bridge, and two root canals on the bottom molars. Well, our insurance only covers $1500 a year, the dentures alone were $1470 with the insurance covering 50% of that, so just one root canal would have eaten up the last of my benefits, and that's before surgery. I opted to just have those two pulled as well.
Then off to the oral surgeon. He decided to mimic the medicine use by the last oral surgeon: carbocaine, antihistamines, with Verced and Brevital. He also said I needed a frenulectomy. I have (or had, I should say) a muscle that stretches from my lip, between my front teeth--causing them to be widely spaced--and to the roof of my mouth. It's a genetic birth defect that I should have had fixed as a child but didn't have the money.
We had a game plan. Then it was back to the dentist a couple more times, getting impressions for my dentures. That was a gross experience. The putty squished back into my throat. They should have warned me to put my tongue back there to stop it. Instead, it dripped down the throat, and I was not allowed to lean forward and cough it out. I was a trooper, breathing cautiously as I felt this rubbery substance harden around my uvula and down my esophagus, recking havoc on my gag reflexes. It was supposed to set for four minutes. I lasted three before the hardening rubber made it impossible to breathe. The dentist realized I was seriously choking and turning purple, so she pulled it out fast. I then vomited out blue rubber and had to cough it out of my throat for a few minutes. Turned out the impression had an air bubble. Dammit! Three times, I went through this gross and--with such bad teeth--highly painful process before the molding was just right.
I had to wait another two weeks while the dentures were being made. During that time, one of my teeth broke while eating chow mien (yes, just chow mien) and formed an abscess. Antibiotics were all they could do since the tooth was scheduled for extraction. It turned into a painful race: could I put up with the abscess long enough until the tooth could be pulled?
DENTAL ARMAGEDDON
As a joke, I called this whole issue "Dental Armageddon." My teeth were getting "raptured" while I would be left behind in agony.
At 8:30 AM today, I went to the oral surgeon, got hooked up to the sedation IV, and fell into a wonderful sleep holding my husband's hand. I woke up with the nurse telling me over and over to open my eyes. They eventually did open, and quite widely at that, when the oral surgeon tried to fit my new denture right onto the holes of my newly-pulled teeth and one sliced-up frenulum. Oddly enough, what hurt far too bad to handle was the swollen area of my abscess. Either it did not drain well, or it was just too tender. The oral surgeon thought my hazy moans of agony were due to the frenulum and kept adjusting that part of the denture. I was too dazed to explain that it was fine, but the abscess area was too swollen for the denture to fit.
I got home and promptly fell back to sleep. I had earlier covered my pillow with an old blanket so I could drool blood without worries. This was a good plan, because I woke up with my mouth filled with blood, a massive blood clot on my tongue, and another on the roof of my new denture. The blood squishing out from the back of my denture made me gag. I nearly vomited from excessive bleeding twice.
Luckily, that got better after a few hours. As of now, it's still bleeding a lot, but not enough to choke me. I need gauze on the two bottom right molars that were extracted, and a balancing gauze on the left side, which helps to catch the blood squishing out of my denture.
FOOD AND NOMS
Since I was already limited on what I could eat, going to soft food is no big deal. For my first day after surgery, I had a strawberry Slim Fast shake so I could get my nutrition. I had another at lunch, with a small cup of strawberry yogurt. Dinner was cream of chicken soup, which I mostly drank since I'm not used to the lack of sensation on the roof of my mouth. Since that didn't fill me up, I had a cup of Jello pudding. Some melty vanilla ice cream for dessert was nice, since I rarely get ice
cream, but my mom said it helped her to take down swelling when she got
dentures. I have to lick up the pudding and ice cream since my mouth is too swollen for a spoon. I should have bought a baby spoon.
My drinks at first were just water, but after seeing that I was okay with Slim Fast, I requested my husband get me some almond milk. That was a little harder to drink, so I went back to water-based liquids. I had warm apple cider (not hot) with my dinner, and some warm licorice tea for bed.
THE FORGOTTEN
One thing that I found annoying was the last minute changes. First we were quoted that, after insurance, we owned about $3000. Then the oral surgeon office actually called the insurance. We owed only $1700. That's great, that's wonderful, but since we're pretty much broke, we needed to know how much money to beg our parents to give us. Being told one quote only to get another was stressful. At least it went down, not up.
Also, I should mention that it was the dentist's plan to have all of my work done on one day. This would include fillings, a deep cleaning of the remaining bottom teeth, extractions, and frenulectomy. We had checks written out for all of these. Then yesterday while we were calling around finalizing everything, the dentist just now informed me that she decided not to do the fillings today.
She was the one who demanded we have this on a Friday so she could come to the oral surgeon's office, but then she said she wouldn't have the equipment she'd need there. Shouldn't she have known what equipment she'd need from the very start? Or at least have figured out this whole issue during our "game plan" meetings?
The whole reason for the all-in-one-day plan was because of my allergies. Her office does not use carbocaine, and I have to be sedated for the epilepsy. That can only happen at the oral surgeon's place. Her response to this problem was "I'll call the oral surgeon and figure out what I can use here."
Really? And you decided to pull out of this collaborative job when? The day before surgery???
ANYTHING ELSE
So other than a flaking dentist and excessive bleeding, how am I doing? Much better than I feared. I thought I would be in utter agony, but the Vicodin is taking care of that. My denture is supposed to stay in for a while. It keeps bacteria out of the extraction holes, prevents dry socket, and the pressure helps with the healing. Right now, possibly due to swelling, my denture feels like it's suction-cupped to the roof of my mouth.
When I take out the gauze and test out my mouth a little, the teeth feel weird. My mouth was really messed up, so maybe this is how normal teeth are supposed to feel. I don't know. Swelling might also be a factor. My top lip doesn't fit over my dentures. They are half the length of my real teeth, but the gum feels twice as thick. My small upper lip simply doesn't stretch.
There's also a slight gap between the back of my denture and the roof of my mouth. Any pressure from my tongue there makes the denture feel like it's about the flip out. Except it really is suctioned in there. Which is good!
My husband is staying home to take care of me. Once I felt well enough to stand, we watched the 25th Anniversary performance of The Phantom of the Opera, our favorite musical. I've seen it live twice, and for our anniversary he took me to see the live world-wide broadcast from Royal Albert Hall. That's the video we watched, of that performance. It was a good way to cheer me up. Although I almost fell asleep during "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again."
I've stayed in bed most of this first day. I'm waiting until I can take more Vicodin, then I should go to bed.
So this is Part 1 of my dental adventure.
Or I could say, Day One of Dental Armageddon!
Friday, April 06, 2012
Friday, December 30, 2011
The End of 2011
Okay, so I'm sitting here in the last days of 2011 thinking back over the year, trying to remember good times, bad times, and what was memorable.
That... is a problem. I really can't remember anything memorable.
I mean, we took a vacation to see family in California this past Thanksgiving, and that is most definitely noteworthy, considering we hadn't been back in four years. But what happened otherwise?
Every time I think of something, it dawns on me that, nope, that was LAST year. "Oh, my parents came to visit for 3 weeks." Nope last winter they did, but they left before New Year. "Oh! My best friend visited." Nope, last year too. My in-laws took a trip up this summer, and that was nice, but they often do that.
* What did I do for Valentine's Day? No clue.
* What about Spring Break? Honestly can't recall.
* Hubby got a real good job, which is awesome beyond belief after the crap he's been through.
* This summer, the in-laws visited, went to the coast for a day, saw some museums... otherwise, I didn't do much.
* What did I do for my birthday? Well, we saw Phantom of the Opera and that was awesome.
* We had that flood upstairs that drenched us downstairs... guh, not something to be remembered.
* My hubby finally got the electric guitar he was obsessing over for months.
* We missed Talk Like A Pirate Day.
* We sort of ignored Halloween.
* I never got to go to a write-in for NaNoWriMo.
* Then I had an abscessed tooth that laid me up for many weeks with a fever and swollen face before I finally found a dentist who would pull it.
* The 8 days in California were awesome, at least.
* My hubby didn't really want to do anything for his birthday and just wanted Pizza Hut.
* Christmas was pretty quiet, just dinner with the uncle.
* New Year's Eve looks like it'll be quiet too.
The thing that will stand out about 2011 is my plunge into fan fiction. I tested the waters out last year, but this past summer was when I discovered the manga Fairy Tail and got sucked in. I'm now making a bit of a name for myself (or at least "Rhov" is) writing for the Fairy Tail community. "Lion's Pride" is my own little source of pride. I've been meeting other aspiring writers, and although I think the average age is 17, it's still nice to chat with new people. I feel like an elderly sage giving them advice. Maybe it's a short-lived obsession, but I will likely keep writing fanfics for Fairy Tail in 2012, at least finishing up the stories I've started.
Otherwise, I did very little writing, no noteworthy photography, I'm playing percussion instead of my darling trombone until I get the rest of my dental work done, didn't go sailing, didn't get to walk along the beach despite being in Astoria this summer and being in California only minutes from the beach! I missed the Perseid meteor shower for maybe the first time ever, I didn't get to pick blackberries, I did almost nothing for NaNoWriMo... sort of a let-down of a year.
Except in fan fiction... which is sort of an ephemeral fame, people adore your writing but forget about it the next day as they read the avalanche of verbose tripe that overwhelms that site every hour.
Now 2012 is looming like that shadow you feel before you see anything. There are, of course, dooming theories about this upcoming year. We had enough "end of the world" prophecies this year. Nothing happened. People thought the "Occupy" movement would rock the foundations of society. Nothing happened. So maybe we're getting jaded. Even if we knew for certain the day and hour Armageddon was coming, half the population would still say, "Well, if it comes, it comes, I ain't waiting for it to end." Maybe the Mayans knew something, maybe they just ran out of room and the Mayan calender is the Y2K of the ancient world.
In any case, I'll keep writing, I'll keep trying to get published, I'll complete that fanfic I've started, I'll keep hoping I can one day finish Shadowstrider, and I'll continue to be a loving wife, a good child, a musician, a writer, a sailor, and a geek girl... all for the price of one!
I ain't waiting for it to end.
That... is a problem. I really can't remember anything memorable.
I mean, we took a vacation to see family in California this past Thanksgiving, and that is most definitely noteworthy, considering we hadn't been back in four years. But what happened otherwise?
Every time I think of something, it dawns on me that, nope, that was LAST year. "Oh, my parents came to visit for 3 weeks." Nope last winter they did, but they left before New Year. "Oh! My best friend visited." Nope, last year too. My in-laws took a trip up this summer, and that was nice, but they often do that.
* What did I do for Valentine's Day? No clue.
* What about Spring Break? Honestly can't recall.
* Hubby got a real good job, which is awesome beyond belief after the crap he's been through.
* This summer, the in-laws visited, went to the coast for a day, saw some museums... otherwise, I didn't do much.
* What did I do for my birthday? Well, we saw Phantom of the Opera and that was awesome.
* We had that flood upstairs that drenched us downstairs... guh, not something to be remembered.
* My hubby finally got the electric guitar he was obsessing over for months.
* We missed Talk Like A Pirate Day.
* We sort of ignored Halloween.
* I never got to go to a write-in for NaNoWriMo.
* Then I had an abscessed tooth that laid me up for many weeks with a fever and swollen face before I finally found a dentist who would pull it.
* The 8 days in California were awesome, at least.
* My hubby didn't really want to do anything for his birthday and just wanted Pizza Hut.
* Christmas was pretty quiet, just dinner with the uncle.
* New Year's Eve looks like it'll be quiet too.
The thing that will stand out about 2011 is my plunge into fan fiction. I tested the waters out last year, but this past summer was when I discovered the manga Fairy Tail and got sucked in. I'm now making a bit of a name for myself (or at least "Rhov" is) writing for the Fairy Tail community. "Lion's Pride" is my own little source of pride. I've been meeting other aspiring writers, and although I think the average age is 17, it's still nice to chat with new people. I feel like an elderly sage giving them advice. Maybe it's a short-lived obsession, but I will likely keep writing fanfics for Fairy Tail in 2012, at least finishing up the stories I've started.
Otherwise, I did very little writing, no noteworthy photography, I'm playing percussion instead of my darling trombone until I get the rest of my dental work done, didn't go sailing, didn't get to walk along the beach despite being in Astoria this summer and being in California only minutes from the beach! I missed the Perseid meteor shower for maybe the first time ever, I didn't get to pick blackberries, I did almost nothing for NaNoWriMo... sort of a let-down of a year.
Except in fan fiction... which is sort of an ephemeral fame, people adore your writing but forget about it the next day as they read the avalanche of verbose tripe that overwhelms that site every hour.
Now 2012 is looming like that shadow you feel before you see anything. There are, of course, dooming theories about this upcoming year. We had enough "end of the world" prophecies this year. Nothing happened. People thought the "Occupy" movement would rock the foundations of society. Nothing happened. So maybe we're getting jaded. Even if we knew for certain the day and hour Armageddon was coming, half the population would still say, "Well, if it comes, it comes, I ain't waiting for it to end." Maybe the Mayans knew something, maybe they just ran out of room and the Mayan calender is the Y2K of the ancient world.
In any case, I'll keep writing, I'll keep trying to get published, I'll complete that fanfic I've started, I'll keep hoping I can one day finish Shadowstrider, and I'll continue to be a loving wife, a good child, a musician, a writer, a sailor, and a geek girl... all for the price of one!
I ain't waiting for it to end.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
OTP
OTP
One True Pairing
I write fan fiction, obviously. I have two accounts, one that is clean and one that I created to "hide" my more risqué works. They're not necessarily all about sex, mind you. Rated M is also for blood and gore, or in general for "adult themes." One of my stories is Rated M because the girl gets drunk and flashes her boobs. Nothing happens until the very end... when she gets her first kiss. Yup, it's that non-sexual! But it's still M.
Then there are the ones that define "Rated M," stories that will make you blush and will probably make my parents disown me. It's taken me years to break down my barriers as a writer, to be strong enough to not simply write "they kissed and tumbled back onto the bed; then the next morning..." but to write some content into what the audience can already guess was a wild night of raw passion. I guess I really didn't feel adequate to write material like that until I got married. "Write what you know"... right?
With fanfiction, I have an audience eager to read "those sorts of stories." In fact, they thrive on it.
When I saw in the Fairy Tail listing on Fanfiction.net that there are 25 Rated-M stories about the character Loke, and 5 are mine (well, 6 if you count the French translation of "Lion's Pride" that Meijishi is uploading) I realized I have two problems: one, I'm obsessed with Loke (hell, I even wrote a slash with him); two, I have a very perverted mind (did I mentioned the slash...with Natsu?)
These are all of my Loke stories, including the "clean" ones on my "good girl alter-ego" account:
Box of 'Nip - clean and cute, although technically Loke is "stoned" on catnip
Cat Bath - so dirty, it had to take place in a shower
Crouching Lion, Horny Dragon - slash... also the worst title EVER! But too funny to change it.
Ephemeral Sakura, Eternal Love - M for gore and drunken booby flashes.
From Lion To Kitten - Loke and Lucy as children... uber cuteness!
Kitty Licks - just as perverted as you're imagining
Lion's Pride - my epic and serious piece... except for the lemon in chapter one. I probably scare people away with that. Or draw them in.
Quest for the Master Key - song-fic about Loke and Lucy.
Sayonara, Saiai No Shishi - Japanese for "Farewell, Beloved Lion." Seriously, the saddest story I have ever written.
OTP means "one true pairing," and in fanfics it's the couple you personally think makes the perfect pair. It might be the obvious main male protagonist and main heroine, or it might be the obscure villain who had a shared past with the heroine. Reasons vary as wildly as just who should match up.
For me, Fairy Tail's main girl Lucy belongs with the Spirit of the Lion, the only character who has so far confessed his love to her (although she brushed him off) and the one whose life she saved: Loke, AKA Leo the Lion. There are too many reasons why I think Lucy and Loke belong together, why they are my OTP, rather than pairing her with Natsu or Gray.
Well... maybe Gray. He's cute too. Don't even tempt me to write a slash about Loke and Gray... yummm!
Yup, I need a cure to my obsession. Maybe I'll adopt a ginger cat and name him Loke. It'll be very awkward to write lemons with my kitty staring at me.
Monday, November 07, 2011
One Week In
One week in, and I'm starting to hate my story. This is probably a record. Sometimes I grow to hate it around Day 15, but no... I started to hate this story at about Day 3, and as I sit here drinking hot cocoa and rum, medicating my chronic insomnia the bad way, I'm staring at Chapter 4 and realizing... I simply do not like my story.
Perhaps it's because I have another story I put on hiatus in order to do Nanowrimo. I'm tempted to work on that story as a "dream sequence" of this story. Or maybe my MC sits down to watch TV, and this "show" comes on. I don't know, but I can't just put that other story out of my head. I tied it up at a neat little spot so I could focus all attention onto Nanowrimo, but now... I just can't focus.
The fact that I'll be leaving to California in two weeks and staying there until December means I need to put even more effort into these first couple weeks. I should be at least around 35k before leaving Portland, because I know I'll have almost no time to write while I'm gone. This is turning out to be the hardest Nanowrimo since my very first attempt. I don't want to break my 5-year winning streak, but this apathy is draining all my creativity like a... like a... hell, I can't even think up of a good simile.
So... any suggestions? How can I fall back in love with my characters? What tricks are there to revitalizing my enthusiasm for my plot? Besides chocolate and rum, which obviously aren't working, what other sacrifices to the Muses should I offer? And am I cheating if I make a "dream sequence" so I can work on another project without sacrificing my precious free time?
Perhaps it's because I have another story I put on hiatus in order to do Nanowrimo. I'm tempted to work on that story as a "dream sequence" of this story. Or maybe my MC sits down to watch TV, and this "show" comes on. I don't know, but I can't just put that other story out of my head. I tied it up at a neat little spot so I could focus all attention onto Nanowrimo, but now... I just can't focus.
The fact that I'll be leaving to California in two weeks and staying there until December means I need to put even more effort into these first couple weeks. I should be at least around 35k before leaving Portland, because I know I'll have almost no time to write while I'm gone. This is turning out to be the hardest Nanowrimo since my very first attempt. I don't want to break my 5-year winning streak, but this apathy is draining all my creativity like a... like a... hell, I can't even think up of a good simile.
So... any suggestions? How can I fall back in love with my characters? What tricks are there to revitalizing my enthusiasm for my plot? Besides chocolate and rum, which obviously aren't working, what other sacrifices to the Muses should I offer? And am I cheating if I make a "dream sequence" so I can work on another project without sacrificing my precious free time?
Thursday, November 03, 2011
Why Fan Fiction?
Up until 2011, like many other writers, I scoffed the idea of fan fiction. The characters were not original, the setting was already made up by the author, so really all a fanfic writer had to do was come up with a plot. And sometimes not even that much. "PWP" (plot-what-plot, or alternatively "porn without plot") is popular for a reason.
Not that I didn't sometimes dabble in writing Star Trek episodes. It can get addicting, certainly! But it seemed like every story I opened on Fanfiction.net was riddled with grammar errors and meandering plots. I think the infamous "My Immortal" Harry Potter fanfic epitomized the stereotype of bad (really bad) writing. So bad, I only managed three chapters before I felt physically ill.
Then a crazy plot dropped into my head, a novel-size story on Quantum Leap, my favorite show as a kid and what got me fascinated in history. So I set up an account and began uploading chapters. I discovered something unique in this experiment. Readers leave comments, and although 90% or them are simple "I liked this so please update soon," there are little gems out there, readers who want quality, will praise you if you deliver, and most important to me, readers who will gladly critique you. Sometimes harshly!
This equals instant gratification.
Coming Up With Lion's Pride
This summer, I got addicted to the manga Fairy Tail and of course began writing on that. It was a crazy idea, hooking up the two characters who I thought made the most adorable pair, the Spirit Mage Lucy and her Spirit of the Leo Constellation, a playboy named Loke. Lion's Pride was going to be one of those notorious PWP stories, except... I got rave reviews. On my first day of publishing, 77 people read the story, and many left reviews. By the end of the week, over 300 people had read this and wanted more.
Who was I to refuse!
So a second chapter went up. This time, 100 people read it on the first day. I was spurred on. My imagination, which had been plagued with writer's block, suddenly opened by the cheers of adoring readers who claimed this story of mine, one I put so little effort into, was one of those "diamonds in the rough" that are the treasure of Fanfiction.net.
My ego was rising with the helium of compliments, and with it my love for writing took flight once more.
That was in August. By the end of that month, I had six chapters up and about 250 regular readers with more drifting in every day. Through September, I regularly updated a chapter every four days, which was probably insane of me, except I was really falling in love with the story. My Muse could not be stopped. My day was filled with writing, editing, responding to reviews and private messages. One reader from France offered to translate my story. I'm still in shock that I can read my story in French! Corbleu! I chatted with a few readers who I now count as friends. For me, writing had never been so much fun.
October saw some problems. I sprained my wrist and could not type well. Still, I pushed onward, cutting down to a chapter a week. Then I needed emergency surgery. I had a buffer, so I kept updating even while bed-bound. I did not want to stop. I felt a duty to my readers. I had the whole story outlined. I wrote out the ending, since that is always the hardest for me.
On the side, I was still writing one-shots. The fans from Lion's Pride would read those as well. I had "followers," scary as that sounds. People began to notice my name in other places. "Rhov" was becoming something of a celebrity in my small circle of fanfic folks. My husband joked that I spent at least an hour a day replying to "fan mail."
I felt an obligation to keep my readers entertained.
This is not a feeling you get when you write a stand-alone novel. Maybe for epic series, but normally... "obligation to entertain" is not something solitary writers feel. Since I'm also a musician, I comprehend this emotion, and I'm amazed to feel it in writing as well. What sort of writer would also feel this drive and loyalty?
Mangaka! Or as most people would know it, Japanese comic artists. The same talented people I'm emulating.
I just published my 20th chapter tonight. It's November, Nanowrimo time, so I have stopped writing Lion's Pride. I have two more chapters in my buffer to wrap up Part One, and then I plan on taking a hiatus until December. I feel... sad. I know I need to stop obsessing, but I feel worried that if I stop now, the steam will fade away. I won't feel the same rush.
Then I look at how many people are just discovering this story. Every day, I pick up at least 5 new readers. Even if I need to take time off for Nanowrimo, that means 150 new readers will be there to welcome me back.
So Why Fan Fiction?
Some of you might ask, why did I so suddenly venture into the tripe-filled cesspool of fan fiction? After all, it is a community overrun by teens who want to live out their Mary Sue dreams of being in an anime or falling for a movie star. Who wouldn't love to be swept into an adventure with Harry Potter, or have a vampire all to yourself? But why am I "sinking" to such a level?
I recently read a forum where a writer asked such a question. How is it that writers who obviously have talent would "demean" themselves by "wasting" such inspiration on something for which they could never get paid?
Why would I waste three months writing Lion's Pride, a story where I must put a disclaimer that I do not own the rights to the manga, a story I cannot make money on, a story that--according to that particular forum writer--is a medium best occupied by teens still trying to grow in their feathers, not a full-fledged adult who has published and gets paid to write material?
Simple answer: Instant gratification!
Think about it. You slave over your beloved novel, which may take a year to finish. You then spend months if not years being rejected by agent after agent, editor after editor. If you are deemed lucky enough to get your foot in the door, then you get your story shredded in editing and rewriting, until you think you are a horrible writer. Finally, it gets published, and instead of an instant New York Times bestseller, you realize that selling a few hundred in the first week is the best you can do. Friends who said they would buy your book don't. Family might buy one copy and pass it around. Then you get reviews. The negative ones hit you hard, because these are there for the whole world to see. Your family questions why you would write such a thing. You slink back to your keyboard hoping that maybe the sequel will do better.
That is traditional publishing.
Here is Fan Fiction.
You write the first chapter. You do not even have to have the whole plot laid out. You stick it out there like sending your first 10 pages to an agent. Instead of months of rejections, within minutes you get reviews. Some praise you. Some correct you. You can instantly edit your story to help improve based on those comments. For each chapter, you garner more readers and more reviews. Every step of the way, you're boosted. True, some of these readers might not recognize tripe if it was shoved down their throats, but others are quite discerning. You feel loved. When you finish the story, the writing process is over. You aren't plagued with the fear of months of upcoming rejections. It's already published! Your payment was during the writing phase, all those comments. You feel accomplished and enthusiastic to write more.
Fan fiction for me is a place where I can experiment. I can write on subjects that are too risqué. I can get feedback besides "We are not looking for this sort of story at this time." I can discover my strengths rather than get bombarded with my shortcomings. Fanfics make me love writing again.
Writing a story with characters from another story happens all the time. Shakespeare did it in many of his plays. Every fairy tale remake and comic-book-turned-movie could be considered "fan fiction" in a way. Except fanfic writers don't care about money. We do this for fun and for ourselves.
Saying that writers who write fan fiction is a waste of talent is like saying a doctor running a free clinic is a waste of talent. Money and profit do not even enter a fanfic writer's head. We wish to entertain and improve ourselves. Just because I've published a few things does not mean I am the pinnacle of writing success. Hell no! I want to improve. I want others to read my stuff.
Heck, if I ever publish my novel, I would be giddy to sneak onto Fanfiction.net and write some slash between my characters. It's fun to free one's imagination.
That's why I write fan fiction.
If you want to read the story of stuff I do, you can read Lion's Pride, but do be careful. It's rated "M" for a reason.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7254845/1/Lions_Pride
Oh and... review my story! ^_^
Not that I didn't sometimes dabble in writing Star Trek episodes. It can get addicting, certainly! But it seemed like every story I opened on Fanfiction.net was riddled with grammar errors and meandering plots. I think the infamous "My Immortal" Harry Potter fanfic epitomized the stereotype of bad (really bad) writing. So bad, I only managed three chapters before I felt physically ill.
Then a crazy plot dropped into my head, a novel-size story on Quantum Leap, my favorite show as a kid and what got me fascinated in history. So I set up an account and began uploading chapters. I discovered something unique in this experiment. Readers leave comments, and although 90% or them are simple "I liked this so please update soon," there are little gems out there, readers who want quality, will praise you if you deliver, and most important to me, readers who will gladly critique you. Sometimes harshly!
This equals instant gratification.
Coming Up With Lion's Pride
This summer, I got addicted to the manga Fairy Tail and of course began writing on that. It was a crazy idea, hooking up the two characters who I thought made the most adorable pair, the Spirit Mage Lucy and her Spirit of the Leo Constellation, a playboy named Loke. Lion's Pride was going to be one of those notorious PWP stories, except... I got rave reviews. On my first day of publishing, 77 people read the story, and many left reviews. By the end of the week, over 300 people had read this and wanted more.
Who was I to refuse!
So a second chapter went up. This time, 100 people read it on the first day. I was spurred on. My imagination, which had been plagued with writer's block, suddenly opened by the cheers of adoring readers who claimed this story of mine, one I put so little effort into, was one of those "diamonds in the rough" that are the treasure of Fanfiction.net.
My ego was rising with the helium of compliments, and with it my love for writing took flight once more.
That was in August. By the end of that month, I had six chapters up and about 250 regular readers with more drifting in every day. Through September, I regularly updated a chapter every four days, which was probably insane of me, except I was really falling in love with the story. My Muse could not be stopped. My day was filled with writing, editing, responding to reviews and private messages. One reader from France offered to translate my story. I'm still in shock that I can read my story in French! Corbleu! I chatted with a few readers who I now count as friends. For me, writing had never been so much fun.
October saw some problems. I sprained my wrist and could not type well. Still, I pushed onward, cutting down to a chapter a week. Then I needed emergency surgery. I had a buffer, so I kept updating even while bed-bound. I did not want to stop. I felt a duty to my readers. I had the whole story outlined. I wrote out the ending, since that is always the hardest for me.
On the side, I was still writing one-shots. The fans from Lion's Pride would read those as well. I had "followers," scary as that sounds. People began to notice my name in other places. "Rhov" was becoming something of a celebrity in my small circle of fanfic folks. My husband joked that I spent at least an hour a day replying to "fan mail."
I felt an obligation to keep my readers entertained.
This is not a feeling you get when you write a stand-alone novel. Maybe for epic series, but normally... "obligation to entertain" is not something solitary writers feel. Since I'm also a musician, I comprehend this emotion, and I'm amazed to feel it in writing as well. What sort of writer would also feel this drive and loyalty?
Mangaka! Or as most people would know it, Japanese comic artists. The same talented people I'm emulating.
I just published my 20th chapter tonight. It's November, Nanowrimo time, so I have stopped writing Lion's Pride. I have two more chapters in my buffer to wrap up Part One, and then I plan on taking a hiatus until December. I feel... sad. I know I need to stop obsessing, but I feel worried that if I stop now, the steam will fade away. I won't feel the same rush.
Then I look at how many people are just discovering this story. Every day, I pick up at least 5 new readers. Even if I need to take time off for Nanowrimo, that means 150 new readers will be there to welcome me back.
So Why Fan Fiction?
Some of you might ask, why did I so suddenly venture into the tripe-filled cesspool of fan fiction? After all, it is a community overrun by teens who want to live out their Mary Sue dreams of being in an anime or falling for a movie star. Who wouldn't love to be swept into an adventure with Harry Potter, or have a vampire all to yourself? But why am I "sinking" to such a level?
I recently read a forum where a writer asked such a question. How is it that writers who obviously have talent would "demean" themselves by "wasting" such inspiration on something for which they could never get paid?
Why would I waste three months writing Lion's Pride, a story where I must put a disclaimer that I do not own the rights to the manga, a story I cannot make money on, a story that--according to that particular forum writer--is a medium best occupied by teens still trying to grow in their feathers, not a full-fledged adult who has published and gets paid to write material?
Simple answer: Instant gratification!
Think about it. You slave over your beloved novel, which may take a year to finish. You then spend months if not years being rejected by agent after agent, editor after editor. If you are deemed lucky enough to get your foot in the door, then you get your story shredded in editing and rewriting, until you think you are a horrible writer. Finally, it gets published, and instead of an instant New York Times bestseller, you realize that selling a few hundred in the first week is the best you can do. Friends who said they would buy your book don't. Family might buy one copy and pass it around. Then you get reviews. The negative ones hit you hard, because these are there for the whole world to see. Your family questions why you would write such a thing. You slink back to your keyboard hoping that maybe the sequel will do better.
That is traditional publishing.
Here is Fan Fiction.
You write the first chapter. You do not even have to have the whole plot laid out. You stick it out there like sending your first 10 pages to an agent. Instead of months of rejections, within minutes you get reviews. Some praise you. Some correct you. You can instantly edit your story to help improve based on those comments. For each chapter, you garner more readers and more reviews. Every step of the way, you're boosted. True, some of these readers might not recognize tripe if it was shoved down their throats, but others are quite discerning. You feel loved. When you finish the story, the writing process is over. You aren't plagued with the fear of months of upcoming rejections. It's already published! Your payment was during the writing phase, all those comments. You feel accomplished and enthusiastic to write more.
Fan fiction for me is a place where I can experiment. I can write on subjects that are too risqué. I can get feedback besides "We are not looking for this sort of story at this time." I can discover my strengths rather than get bombarded with my shortcomings. Fanfics make me love writing again.
Writing a story with characters from another story happens all the time. Shakespeare did it in many of his plays. Every fairy tale remake and comic-book-turned-movie could be considered "fan fiction" in a way. Except fanfic writers don't care about money. We do this for fun and for ourselves.
Saying that writers who write fan fiction is a waste of talent is like saying a doctor running a free clinic is a waste of talent. Money and profit do not even enter a fanfic writer's head. We wish to entertain and improve ourselves. Just because I've published a few things does not mean I am the pinnacle of writing success. Hell no! I want to improve. I want others to read my stuff.
Heck, if I ever publish my novel, I would be giddy to sneak onto Fanfiction.net and write some slash between my characters. It's fun to free one's imagination.
That's why I write fan fiction.
If you want to read the story of stuff I do, you can read Lion's Pride, but do be careful. It's rated "M" for a reason.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7254845/1/Lions_Pride
Oh and... review my story! ^_^
Friday, April 15, 2011
Pacing Stories
Pacing... it's the bane of any writer. I stress out a lot about this issue, and reading the helpful insights on Kristin Nelson's blog doesn't help my nerves.
It does, however, help my writing.
I'm getting a story prepared for submission. I wrote my query letter and sent it to a dozen or so close friends and writer buddies for critiquing. Of those, maybe three know what to look for and will give me the brutal advice I'm looking for, yet vague positive feedback from friends helps too.
So while I wait for feedback (only got two replies so far), I'm spazzing at 4am over the first thirty pages. Ideally, I should wait until I get a positive response, but I'm in a total writer's block, and reading anything besides vapid shojo manga is simply not appealing at the moment. Because I feel like I've wasted a day if I don't do at least something in my manuscripts, I'm thus spazzing.
Over thirty pages.
Condense, condense, condense!!!
I realized in my second draft of this story, I had done the dreaded "info dump." The first chapter was a literal history lesson. The main character sat in a classroom, hardly speaking, while her brother and his ex-wife, her nursemaid, fought over political issues, gender equality, and how to rule a clan.
Problems? 1) The audience had no clue who the main character was. In fact, the nursemaid sounded more like the MC. 2) No hints at what the big issue will be. Politics? Social issues? We learned about a troubled country, not about our beloved characters. 3) History classes are boring. So was this!
That chapter got scraped so hard, it went from 15 pages to three, and recently I trimmed it even more. A little info to realize we're in a matriarchal clan society, fine... but we don't need to know the whole fricking history of the country!
Now I'm tightening more. I wanted the first four chapters to fit in those 30 pages. The thing is, there's this castle. I describe the castle. I describe it loquaciously! Whereas it's great to step back and see an aerial view of the castle and land where this scene will take place, it does not have to fill up three pages of my first thirty pages. Those "Holy 30" make it or break it. Although it's an example of descriptiveness, something I have a weakness toward, it's telling, not showing. The plot isn't moving yet in these thirty pages.
There is so much that must happen before my main character meets the love interest, a whole royal ceremony to name her the heiress, hints about the main mystery, political allies and enemies to meet, her family and childhood friends who form the nebulous of her "five-man band."
Is this all good for pacing? Does the story lag? Am I getting into the meat of the story too slowly? How can I fix it?
These are legitimate issues that writers must deal with through time and learning, not just me being obsessive-compulsive again. Well, perhaps a little of that too. This manuscript was so challenging because I went into it not blind. I had the characters and their histories all worked out ahead of time, so I wanted to explain it all quickly. Now I'm reading these initial pages, and I'm seeing a grotesque info dump. It's scaring me!
Do I really think I'm ready to send this out? If even I, the author, am seeing issues, does the story stand a chance against the far-more-experienced eye of a literary agent?
I love this story. I want this to work.
I wish I had someone I trusted, someone who knew what things to look for in voicing and pacing and such, someone who would read my story and not just say "Yeah, it sounds great." I don't want praise! I want harsh criticism. I am a masochist when it comes to editing. I want to be beaten and whipped into shape, to have my story blood red with corrective ink.
However, I want someone to tell me my faults before I get my hopes up with sending in a query, then thirty pages, then a whole manuscript, just to have the agent say, "Sorry, but your pacing is all wrong." Reading Ms. Nelson's blog post reminded me of that little hidden fear in me. What if this was my story? What if she was reading it, and in 30 pages or even 100, it just wasn't working?
I want this to be perfect.
Yes, I'm obsessing... again. I need to stop doing this, but I'm not sure how without icky drugs.
Then again, by obsessing, I'm growing to become a better storyteller. For artists and writers, striving for perfection is not only recommended, it's practically mandatory! So I'll go back, tighten the belt of those thirty pages, while I wait for a response from an agent.
Wish me luck!
Sapere aude!
It does, however, help my writing.
I'm getting a story prepared for submission. I wrote my query letter and sent it to a dozen or so close friends and writer buddies for critiquing. Of those, maybe three know what to look for and will give me the brutal advice I'm looking for, yet vague positive feedback from friends helps too.
So while I wait for feedback (only got two replies so far), I'm spazzing at 4am over the first thirty pages. Ideally, I should wait until I get a positive response, but I'm in a total writer's block, and reading anything besides vapid shojo manga is simply not appealing at the moment. Because I feel like I've wasted a day if I don't do at least something in my manuscripts, I'm thus spazzing.
Over thirty pages.
Condense, condense, condense!!!
I realized in my second draft of this story, I had done the dreaded "info dump." The first chapter was a literal history lesson. The main character sat in a classroom, hardly speaking, while her brother and his ex-wife, her nursemaid, fought over political issues, gender equality, and how to rule a clan.
Problems? 1) The audience had no clue who the main character was. In fact, the nursemaid sounded more like the MC. 2) No hints at what the big issue will be. Politics? Social issues? We learned about a troubled country, not about our beloved characters. 3) History classes are boring. So was this!
That chapter got scraped so hard, it went from 15 pages to three, and recently I trimmed it even more. A little info to realize we're in a matriarchal clan society, fine... but we don't need to know the whole fricking history of the country!
Now I'm tightening more. I wanted the first four chapters to fit in those 30 pages. The thing is, there's this castle. I describe the castle. I describe it loquaciously! Whereas it's great to step back and see an aerial view of the castle and land where this scene will take place, it does not have to fill up three pages of my first thirty pages. Those "Holy 30" make it or break it. Although it's an example of descriptiveness, something I have a weakness toward, it's telling, not showing. The plot isn't moving yet in these thirty pages.
There is so much that must happen before my main character meets the love interest, a whole royal ceremony to name her the heiress, hints about the main mystery, political allies and enemies to meet, her family and childhood friends who form the nebulous of her "five-man band."
Is this all good for pacing? Does the story lag? Am I getting into the meat of the story too slowly? How can I fix it?
These are legitimate issues that writers must deal with through time and learning, not just me being obsessive-compulsive again. Well, perhaps a little of that too. This manuscript was so challenging because I went into it not blind. I had the characters and their histories all worked out ahead of time, so I wanted to explain it all quickly. Now I'm reading these initial pages, and I'm seeing a grotesque info dump. It's scaring me!
Do I really think I'm ready to send this out? If even I, the author, am seeing issues, does the story stand a chance against the far-more-experienced eye of a literary agent?
I love this story. I want this to work.
I wish I had someone I trusted, someone who knew what things to look for in voicing and pacing and such, someone who would read my story and not just say "Yeah, it sounds great." I don't want praise! I want harsh criticism. I am a masochist when it comes to editing. I want to be beaten and whipped into shape, to have my story blood red with corrective ink.
However, I want someone to tell me my faults before I get my hopes up with sending in a query, then thirty pages, then a whole manuscript, just to have the agent say, "Sorry, but your pacing is all wrong." Reading Ms. Nelson's blog post reminded me of that little hidden fear in me. What if this was my story? What if she was reading it, and in 30 pages or even 100, it just wasn't working?
I want this to be perfect.
Yes, I'm obsessing... again. I need to stop doing this, but I'm not sure how without icky drugs.
Then again, by obsessing, I'm growing to become a better storyteller. For artists and writers, striving for perfection is not only recommended, it's practically mandatory! So I'll go back, tighten the belt of those thirty pages, while I wait for a response from an agent.
Wish me luck!
Sapere aude!
Friday, April 01, 2011
Writers Workshop Blues
I'll be blunt. Some days, I need a swift kick in the rear.
I've really not been able to write for quite some time. Oh, I'm getting editing done, sure, but that's nowhere near as fulfilling as finishing a chapter of new content, fresh off the press of my imagination.
Nope, since at least December, it has been all editing work. Maybe a page here and there, but my brain has hit an Ayers Rock, a block in the middle of nowhere; or perhaps I should compare it to Auyantepui, the Devil's Mountain, where, ironically enough, Angel Falls tempts adventurers with a piss-shower from heaven... or hell? Whether I imagine my writers block as a sea cliff, a monolith, or the Great Trango, my metaphors fail to correct the problem of somehow surmounting this impasse.
And of course, I suck at rock climbing.
I thought sitting in with a writer's group would help. I don't know many writers around here, besides a few I've befriended during Nanowrimo. My lack of literary companions leaves me wishing I had made it to more write-ins. (Note to self: get over my social anxiety by next November.)
I was part of the White Knights Writers, but they disbanded before we really got a chance to get started. I'm far too shy to simply sit in with a group I don't know. I never feel "good enough" to be in the presence of such people. It's all about talking, and I communicate via keyboard, not vocalizations. If I could speak that eloquently, I would have gotten into radio.
Workshops can be outrageously brutal to the pocketbook. Tin House Summer Writers Workshop at Reed College costs $1,100 in tuition, meals & lodging $575, plus mentorship is $750-$1,000. A cheaper one is the Write to Publish Workshop at PSU, which is a mere $120 all day, or $35 for each workshop. What's a starving artist to do?
I can't recall my last writing workshop, it's been that long. This is not the longest writer's block I've had, but considering I haven't even been able to write anything more than one short poem and some snarky forum posts, it's perhaps the most complete writer's block.
At least I can read through old stuff, but grammar checks are the tofu to my smorgasbord of creativity. I need a kick in the pants, a stick of dynamite to blast this stupid rock so I can plow through without worrying about carabiners and climbing harnesses.
The best I can do at the moment is blog. That's...pathetic. But at least it's something.
So...anyone know a good writing group in the Portland (preferably Tigard/Tualatin area) with free meetings?
I've really not been able to write for quite some time. Oh, I'm getting editing done, sure, but that's nowhere near as fulfilling as finishing a chapter of new content, fresh off the press of my imagination.
Nope, since at least December, it has been all editing work. Maybe a page here and there, but my brain has hit an Ayers Rock, a block in the middle of nowhere; or perhaps I should compare it to Auyantepui, the Devil's Mountain, where, ironically enough, Angel Falls tempts adventurers with a piss-shower from heaven... or hell? Whether I imagine my writers block as a sea cliff, a monolith, or the Great Trango, my metaphors fail to correct the problem of somehow surmounting this impasse.
And of course, I suck at rock climbing.
I thought sitting in with a writer's group would help. I don't know many writers around here, besides a few I've befriended during Nanowrimo. My lack of literary companions leaves me wishing I had made it to more write-ins. (Note to self: get over my social anxiety by next November.)
I was part of the White Knights Writers, but they disbanded before we really got a chance to get started. I'm far too shy to simply sit in with a group I don't know. I never feel "good enough" to be in the presence of such people. It's all about talking, and I communicate via keyboard, not vocalizations. If I could speak that eloquently, I would have gotten into radio.
Workshops can be outrageously brutal to the pocketbook. Tin House Summer Writers Workshop at Reed College costs $1,100 in tuition, meals & lodging $575, plus mentorship is $750-$1,000. A cheaper one is the Write to Publish Workshop at PSU, which is a mere $120 all day, or $35 for each workshop. What's a starving artist to do?
I can't recall my last writing workshop, it's been that long. This is not the longest writer's block I've had, but considering I haven't even been able to write anything more than one short poem and some snarky forum posts, it's perhaps the most complete writer's block.
At least I can read through old stuff, but grammar checks are the tofu to my smorgasbord of creativity. I need a kick in the pants, a stick of dynamite to blast this stupid rock so I can plow through without worrying about carabiners and climbing harnesses.
The best I can do at the moment is blog. That's...pathetic. But at least it's something.
So...anyone know a good writing group in the Portland (preferably Tigard/Tualatin area) with free meetings?
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