Pirate's Last Meal

Want some grub and grog to feed yer hearties that's pirate-themed? Here's a little somethin' I've cooked many a time, and everyone loves it.

What ye be needin':

Some form of meat, soy sauce, Worcestershire sauce, brown sugar, lime juice, pepper, a big plastic ziplock bag to mix it all in, and of course RUM!

First off mateys, forget measureage. You're a pirate! Pirates don't have cute little measuring spoons! We dump in however much we want. So dump in lots of soy sauce and worch... worshe... worchest... whose-chest? YARRRR! Lots of that good stuff. It should fill an inch or two of the baggie.

Then dump a bit o' brown sugar in there, not too much, half a cup or so, enough to make it like wet sand... wet sand on the salty beaches of a Caribbean island! Arrr....

Then dump rum in there, maybe a jigger's worth, smartly now, no wasting the grog! Squeeze a lime wedge, or get those bottles with lime juice and squirt some in there. Then shake enough pepper to taste but not too much to make you sneeze. Freshly ground pepper is best, but we're pirates, we don't have the pleasure of gettin' the finer things in life. Shake that baggie up. It should be like quicksand, avast!

Toss in what vituals ye want. I likes me deshelled shrimp, but it can be chicken too if'n ye wants. Whatever pleases yer fancy.

Zip it nice and tight and let the meat soak in the marinade for an hour in a cool spot, like down in the dank corners of the bilge, but ye can use the refrigerator. Then flip the bag and soak another hour. You're getting the flavor of pirate-musk in there, not something to rush.

When the meat is nice and flavorful, take it out of the baggie and grill it up good and hot. No raw meat now, mateys! Get sick from the rockin' of the ship, not the cookin'.

You can serve it with whatever be to yer liking. I like to serve it with a side of brown rice with pineapples. Pineapples really enhance that erotic... I mean exotic flavor.

Exotic, you know, like palm trees swaying and a three-masted schooner anchored offshore, sipping your mai tai as you watch the sea gulls fly by.

Speaking of mai tai, the grog is important too. Vituals must have the right grog. Rum, of course! You can serve something fancy-like (mai tai, daiquiri, pina colada) or be simple and just have a rum and coke. Or just rum! If you're one of them landlubber teatottler sort, no worries matey, the rum in the meat cooks out, no alcohol there, just flavor, and you can down it with some pineapple juice if it pleases ye.

So that's my recipe. Simple because it's adjustable. You can toss other spices into the marinade, like cayenne and ginger and other fancy-like things, but we're pirates! When did you last hear a pirate complain that he's out of ginger? Arrrr!

This is what I use, simple and savory. Savvy?