Okay, so I wrote a fan fiction.
It's not my first. Matt and I worked together on two, one a Quantum Leap story that we never finished, the other one a Star Trek: Voyager piece (it was all a dream). However, writing slash fiction is new, and an experiment I'm hesitant about. I've written love scenes before, beautiful collisions of passion, but never something wild, brutal, and... never gay.
Maybe because I'm not a man, so I don't fully understand the "sweet mystery of life" as it pertains to the hairier sex, and I'm not into girls, but... I just never bothered writing homosexual love scenes before. Heck, I once wrote a love scene between a human female and an alien who got his kinks having his ear licked, but never two people of the same sex. Such a deprivation in my repertoire had to be corrected. What better venue than the mired bog of Fanfiction.net!
This was indeed a challenge, a way to open myself up as a writer, expand that sanitary attic of my mind, and tackle the bareback boundaries of the bedroom. I picked a manga ripe with homoerotic overtones: One Piece. Face it, even the artist plays around with the idea that Zoro and Sanji would make a great gay couple.
In fan fiction circles, this running gag has become reality. I read some of this stuff (as with all fan fiction, 10% is decent, 90% is a mawkish excuse for cheap porn). It's funny how utterly certain the fanfic community is about Sanji and Zoro's relationship. And not just them. The two women aboard the Thousand Sunny are, of course, made into slutty pirates who will do anyone in anyway and in anyplace, although the crow's nest seems to be preferable. The whole ship is seething with potential orgies.
Before you gawk and scream "OMG, how could you even think to write such smut?!?" please be warned, this is an experiment. I've done writing experiments in the past. This is like an artist who paints nudes purely to gain a better appreciation for the human body. Perhaps they are personally uncomfortable with nudity, but it can be artistic, too.
My goal was to write a homosexual love scene and keep it artistic while still being raw and... fulfilling, for lack of a better word. I wanted more than "yo, Sanji, love hotel, let's do it" followed by page after page of way-too-textbook lovemaking and 70s porno dialog of moans. I wanted angst, passion, memories flashing through the mind, regret, awkwardness... everything writers tend to leave out in fanfics.
So... here we go!
Memories in a Bubble - a One Piece erotica fanfic (note, I have moved the story to a new location after a certain cousin was traumatized, so this version was posted much later than 12/5/2010)
If you are under the age of 18, do not read this.
If you are offended by profanity, do not read this.
If you are offended by homosexuality, do not read this.
If you are offended by sexual content, do not read this.
Otherwise... enjoy!
Sapere aude!
Sunday, December 05, 2010
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
The End of NaNo
Notice I have not written in a month. This is because of that once-a-year nightmare and miracle called "National Novel Writers Month." During NaNoWriMo, I magically transform from a hermit sitting in my darkened apartment typing with feverish fervor, to a "WRITER"... nay, even more, a "NOVELIST." The special effects team never arrived, though, so the transformation looked less like Sailor Moon...
... and more like what I was doing before, only a little more insane and pressed for time.
The last two Nanowrimo contests, I pushed for the Double NaNo, writing a novel, not just 50,000 words long, but 100,000. I did it, too. This year, knowing publishers do not like epic tomes, I decided to aim for something a bit more humble. I finished the month at 80,780 (I like round numbers).
The story lacks only one more chapter, a scene I skipped because I'm not sure what to do with it. Lizby is in Purgatory, and as she is being led back to the "world," she is shocked to see that her mother, whose sudden death led to her own suicide, is in Purgatory too and about to be led away to whatever task she must do. It's supposed to be a real tear-jerking scene, but I'm stuck. I'll wait a few weeks to let my brain rest.
So what's next for this writer? Well, I have a few people who want to read Last Days, so I'll finish that up. I also want to do another read-thru of Daughters of Ashby because my dad wants to read it. Yikes! I never let my parents read my stuff, it's embarrassing!
Eventually, I want to return to my roots, to Shadowstrider, and finish the last book. Even if I'm left with an issue of what to do with novels that exceed 300k words, I at least want to finish the series. A morbid part of me wants it completed before my stereotypical untimely death, at which time Shadowstrider will be discovered and turned into another post-mortem classic.
A more practical side of me, the one who ignores the Keatses and Poes of the writing world, wants to finish it so I can look at the entire arc of the story and break it into bite-size bits. Or set it aside and publish a bunch of novels that become huge hits so I can pull a "Robert Jordan" and publish Shadowstrider as-is, 300k words and all, and no publisher will glare at me. No, they will joyously accept this epic tome with dollar signs in their eyes and Hollywood on the phone.
MWAHAHAHA!!!
Ahem, yes, that is the more "practical" side of my life. Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia, after all.
... and more like what I was doing before, only a little more insane and pressed for time.
The last two Nanowrimo contests, I pushed for the Double NaNo, writing a novel, not just 50,000 words long, but 100,000. I did it, too. This year, knowing publishers do not like epic tomes, I decided to aim for something a bit more humble. I finished the month at 80,780 (I like round numbers).
The story lacks only one more chapter, a scene I skipped because I'm not sure what to do with it. Lizby is in Purgatory, and as she is being led back to the "world," she is shocked to see that her mother, whose sudden death led to her own suicide, is in Purgatory too and about to be led away to whatever task she must do. It's supposed to be a real tear-jerking scene, but I'm stuck. I'll wait a few weeks to let my brain rest.
So what's next for this writer? Well, I have a few people who want to read Last Days, so I'll finish that up. I also want to do another read-thru of Daughters of Ashby because my dad wants to read it. Yikes! I never let my parents read my stuff, it's embarrassing!
Eventually, I want to return to my roots, to Shadowstrider, and finish the last book. Even if I'm left with an issue of what to do with novels that exceed 300k words, I at least want to finish the series. A morbid part of me wants it completed before my stereotypical untimely death, at which time Shadowstrider will be discovered and turned into another post-mortem classic.
A more practical side of me, the one who ignores the Keatses and Poes of the writing world, wants to finish it so I can look at the entire arc of the story and break it into bite-size bits. Or set it aside and publish a bunch of novels that become huge hits so I can pull a "Robert Jordan" and publish Shadowstrider as-is, 300k words and all, and no publisher will glare at me. No, they will joyously accept this epic tome with dollar signs in their eyes and Hollywood on the phone.
MWAHAHAHA!!!
Ahem, yes, that is the more "practical" side of my life. Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia, after all.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
My Nano Novel: Last Days
I've been piddling around on which story to pick for this year's Nanowrimo. Usually I pick an outline that has been sitting on my computer for years, waiting to be told. Last year I invented an entirely new story, coming up with about 30 characters, an entire plot, and a few key scenes all in about two days and only a week before November 1st. This year, I'm picking something that has waited almost a year for attention.
I had first decided upon my Jane Austen-esque YA novel, The Gardens of Bidding Hall, something I began in 1995 for my Junior English class in high school. It wasn't received too well, at least not the first chapter. My teacher said, "You write along the same principles as Charles Dickens, going on elaborate tangents which, eventually, all tie together, but leaves the reader guessing at their importance in the meantime." To this day, I'm not sure if that was a compliment or a criticism. I assume it was both. Anyway, I thought I had only the first couple chapters written and an outline for the last scene, I checked it again and I've already written 22,000 words, nearly halfway through the Nanowrimo goal of 50,000 words, so that one's a no-go.
Then I realized I had this mainstream fiction "what if the afterlife is all bureaucratic" type of story, nothing but a rough outline, a first paragraph, and the last page written out. That's more in the spirit of Nanowrimo, to write something from almost scratch, notes and outlines allowed, but not completed chapters.
Thus... (drum roll please) ... Last Days will be my Nano novel this year. Huzzah!
---
"Welcome to the Last Days. Be sure to fill out all forms."
Elizabeth "Lizby" Siddall has recently killed herself. She ends up in the Last Days Department, a bureaucratic sub-section in Purgatory for people who commit suicide with no other major sins against them. They are given the duty of living out the last days of terminal patients who have prayed for God to end their suffering. They have a time period in which they must live through the sufferings of that person, anywhere from a few days to weeks. They have some flexibility in what they do with their time, but there are plenty of rules.
1) Don't reveal anything about the afterlife.
2) Don't cause the death of others.
3) Don't do anything that might damn your host.
4) Don't kill your host.
5) Don't save your host.
But when Lizby is put into the body of an old man who doesn't have to die, she begins to want to live... and that's against the Last Days rules.
---
Like it? The plan is that each chapter follows what person she "possesses," seeing different lives, feeling physical pains, witnessing emotional upheavals of those realizing the person is about to die, and slowly being redeemed.
It follows religious ideas I don't personally believe in, but it's a fun story. The idea of a literal bureaucratic purgatory is fun, and this will also be my first attempt at writing an entire novel in first person. I experimented with that in I Saw Lydia Cry, another not-quite-completed novel, where Lydia is telling her story first person, a journal she left behind, but many pages are missing, so the story is interspersed with interviews of the other characters who fill in the missing gaps plus details Lydia herself never knew. I'd like to tackle that story again; however, I wrote it in 1994, so it's outdated politically and technologically and in dire need of a plot overhaul, not something for Nanowrimo.
So this is a good change for me, something more mainstream, something actually publishable. I have hopes in it, and hopefully the economy changes so I can publish some of these things. Bad economy means bad book sales, so I have to put everything on hold... grrr! >:(
[activate optimism]
Which means it's time to build up a buffer of novels!
Weee, Nanowrimo Time Is Here!
[optimism activated]
I had first decided upon my Jane Austen-esque YA novel, The Gardens of Bidding Hall, something I began in 1995 for my Junior English class in high school. It wasn't received too well, at least not the first chapter. My teacher said, "You write along the same principles as Charles Dickens, going on elaborate tangents which, eventually, all tie together, but leaves the reader guessing at their importance in the meantime." To this day, I'm not sure if that was a compliment or a criticism. I assume it was both. Anyway, I thought I had only the first couple chapters written and an outline for the last scene, I checked it again and I've already written 22,000 words, nearly halfway through the Nanowrimo goal of 50,000 words, so that one's a no-go.
Then I realized I had this mainstream fiction "what if the afterlife is all bureaucratic" type of story, nothing but a rough outline, a first paragraph, and the last page written out. That's more in the spirit of Nanowrimo, to write something from almost scratch, notes and outlines allowed, but not completed chapters.
Thus... (drum roll please) ... Last Days will be my Nano novel this year. Huzzah!
---
"Welcome to the Last Days. Be sure to fill out all forms."
Elizabeth "Lizby" Siddall has recently killed herself. She ends up in the Last Days Department, a bureaucratic sub-section in Purgatory for people who commit suicide with no other major sins against them. They are given the duty of living out the last days of terminal patients who have prayed for God to end their suffering. They have a time period in which they must live through the sufferings of that person, anywhere from a few days to weeks. They have some flexibility in what they do with their time, but there are plenty of rules.
1) Don't reveal anything about the afterlife.
2) Don't cause the death of others.
3) Don't do anything that might damn your host.
4) Don't kill your host.
5) Don't save your host.
But when Lizby is put into the body of an old man who doesn't have to die, she begins to want to live... and that's against the Last Days rules.
---
Like it? The plan is that each chapter follows what person she "possesses," seeing different lives, feeling physical pains, witnessing emotional upheavals of those realizing the person is about to die, and slowly being redeemed.
It follows religious ideas I don't personally believe in, but it's a fun story. The idea of a literal bureaucratic purgatory is fun, and this will also be my first attempt at writing an entire novel in first person. I experimented with that in I Saw Lydia Cry, another not-quite-completed novel, where Lydia is telling her story first person, a journal she left behind, but many pages are missing, so the story is interspersed with interviews of the other characters who fill in the missing gaps plus details Lydia herself never knew. I'd like to tackle that story again; however, I wrote it in 1994, so it's outdated politically and technologically and in dire need of a plot overhaul, not something for Nanowrimo.
So this is a good change for me, something more mainstream, something actually publishable. I have hopes in it, and hopefully the economy changes so I can publish some of these things. Bad economy means bad book sales, so I have to put everything on hold... grrr! >:(
[activate optimism]
Which means it's time to build up a buffer of novels!
Weee, Nanowrimo Time Is Here!
[optimism activated]
Getting Closer to NaNo
It's about that time again, when I finish up whatever projects I have open, clear my mind from the inundating world I've been scuba diving through for months, and try to set myself up for something fresh, something new, something crazy and wonderful.
National Novel Writers Month - a.k.a Nanowrimo.
I'm already on the forums and chatting away with other writers. I've just finished what I hope will be my final draft of last year's Nano novel, Daughters of Ashby, which turned into a 2-parter both measuring slightly over 150k words. That's sort of big, but it's a historical fantasy so I hope it's not considered too long.
I also have my "brain break" novel ready. Sometimes I just have to break away from the novel I'm working on and try something totally different for a day or two. This is dangerous during Nanowrimo when a writer is aiming to create a 50,000-word novel in 30 days, but for me it's mandatory for my creativity. So my brain break will be my first Nano novel, Ghost Coast, which sadly did not win, coming to a dead halt at 42k word, 8k short of the goal but ended as a completed novel. I've since rearranged a whole lot, cut and pasted the entire timeline of events, and added an intense romantic element which I hope helps with sales. To complete my remake, I need to add three chapters. That's my brain break.
Other necessities to setting up for Nanowrimo is non-messy snacks for writing sessions (nothing that will gunk up my keyboard), lots to drink, and a plan for what days I can go out for write-ins. I tried attending write-ins for the first time last year, and it was loads of fun. Just sitting in a room with fifty other novelists is somehow inspiring, knowing I'm not alone in this creative force. I think our Muses combine and reinforce one another.
I'm currently reading The Various Shades of Fangline by Colby Purcell, which she posted on Blogger one chapter at a time, much of it being pushed out through November. I like that idea. I don't have a big following like her (although, if I could draw better, I would totally turn some of my stories into online comics) but perhaps I can get opinions, comments, and generally a good idea if what I'm doing works. Posting chapters online is dangerous (anyone could steal it) but I might give it a go. Still debating this idea.
National Novel Writers Month - a.k.a Nanowrimo.
I'm already on the forums and chatting away with other writers. I've just finished what I hope will be my final draft of last year's Nano novel, Daughters of Ashby, which turned into a 2-parter both measuring slightly over 150k words. That's sort of big, but it's a historical fantasy so I hope it's not considered too long.
I also have my "brain break" novel ready. Sometimes I just have to break away from the novel I'm working on and try something totally different for a day or two. This is dangerous during Nanowrimo when a writer is aiming to create a 50,000-word novel in 30 days, but for me it's mandatory for my creativity. So my brain break will be my first Nano novel, Ghost Coast, which sadly did not win, coming to a dead halt at 42k word, 8k short of the goal but ended as a completed novel. I've since rearranged a whole lot, cut and pasted the entire timeline of events, and added an intense romantic element which I hope helps with sales. To complete my remake, I need to add three chapters. That's my brain break.
Other necessities to setting up for Nanowrimo is non-messy snacks for writing sessions (nothing that will gunk up my keyboard), lots to drink, and a plan for what days I can go out for write-ins. I tried attending write-ins for the first time last year, and it was loads of fun. Just sitting in a room with fifty other novelists is somehow inspiring, knowing I'm not alone in this creative force. I think our Muses combine and reinforce one another.
I'm currently reading The Various Shades of Fangline by Colby Purcell, which she posted on Blogger one chapter at a time, much of it being pushed out through November. I like that idea. I don't have a big following like her (although, if I could draw better, I would totally turn some of my stories into online comics) but perhaps I can get opinions, comments, and generally a good idea if what I'm doing works. Posting chapters online is dangerous (anyone could steal it) but I might give it a go. Still debating this idea.
Friday, September 10, 2010
OCD and Writing
I've never been diagnosed, but I know I have OCD. I've spent hours in a store, there only to buy a couple items, but I get crazy trying to reorganize their jewelry display by ring size and color, or books by author ("waah, who put Steven King next to W.E.B. Griffin?"), or sometimes just reorganizing items by size. Like the photo frames at Dollar Tree. I have a big problem walking by those.
I wish my OCD ran toward other things, like keeping my carpet vacuumed, or washing the dishes spotless. Sadly, I could not care less about those things. Meanwhile, my library is alphabetical by genre (fiction, non-fiction, with a separate category for novelized movies and Matt's huge Star Trek collection). My CDs are also by artist and genre (jazz, classical, modern, I don't go too crazy because of cross-genre artists), and my DVDs are alphabetized by title. I used to alphabetized my spices, but now I clump them by cuisine (Italian spices, Asian spices, Mexican spices, etc.) Maybe it's because I worked in the school library starting in 4th grade, but I'm obsessed with ABCs.
OCD and writing are a hard mix. Usually, I start with just writing. I get an idea, sometimes plot it out, often not, and GO! When I'm in that mode, I write, and I don't stop, not for food, not for sleep. I've gone for weeks on 3-hour naps because I'm up all night writing until I'm literally typing in my sleep (crazy weird crap written in the moments of fading consciousness) then jolt awake with a great idea and write some more... for 21 hours straight.
Editing gets fun with OCD. I've read that most writers hate editing their stories. They have this great tale, and they don't want to change it. Steven King suggests shelving new manuscripts for months. Yeah, I have to do that in the final stage, but I still go into a frenzy when I'm in "Edit Mode." I've been known to sporadically scrap a newly written manuscript and rewrite the whole thing, all because I came up with a great idea. Don't worry, I keep multiple drafts, because sometime my mania-driven "great idea" turns out to be really stupid.
I obsess over grammar, yet I speak with some Southern peculiarities. "It needed done" is my husband's favorite. I never catch them, not after years.
"Why did you rewrite this? It was a great chapter!"
"It needed fixed."
O.o "Do you mean... it needed to be fixed?"
>_< (grrr) "Yeah..." I also obsess over my character's names, often for stupid reasons. For example, in my manuscript Daughters of Ashby, all of the characters and place names are after trees, with a few shrubs thrown in because I liked the names. While some are obvious (Linden, Hazel, Willow, Mimosa, Palmetto), and others are not too hard to figure out (Olivetta, Betulla, Quennel, Garnock, Mandel, Avalbane, Feàrn, Verbina), some of my favorite names are really obscure... probably not even names for people (Serenoa, Catalpa, Quercus, Tilia, Cedrus, Zelkova, Quillaja). I did hours upon hours of research. In every edit, I change at least one person's name to fit a plant that better describes their personality. It's probably all a waste, but I find research fun. Why all trees? I have no frickin' idea. I needed a bunch of names, so I looked on some baby name website, searched for tree names, and from there it all went crazy. I can count on one hand how many things are not named after trees (one is a horse).
So what am I obsessing over now? Editing! (insert maniacal grin of impending doom) Adding chapters, removing chapters, rummaging through old manuscripts written from before I discovered that publishers don't want 300k-wordcount tomes and breaking them into trilogies. I'm currently working on what I guess will be the second book of the Blue Fire Dragon series (yes, series... sadly, it looks to be 7 books long, not at all what I wanted!) I'm bouncing every week or so between Daughters of Ashby, Blue Fire, Ghost Coast, and sometimes I try to add a page or two to my eternally-on-hiatus Shadowstrider, which must one day be faced with breaking it down to publishable size, as much as I hate doing that AGAIN!
I just can't keep on task. Sometimes I obsess over a story, sometimes I obsess over a process. I feel like I'm drifting aimlessly, but I know at least some work is getting done, even if it's in a discursive way.
I wish my OCD ran toward other things, like keeping my carpet vacuumed, or washing the dishes spotless. Sadly, I could not care less about those things. Meanwhile, my library is alphabetical by genre (fiction, non-fiction, with a separate category for novelized movies and Matt's huge Star Trek collection). My CDs are also by artist and genre (jazz, classical, modern, I don't go too crazy because of cross-genre artists), and my DVDs are alphabetized by title. I used to alphabetized my spices, but now I clump them by cuisine (Italian spices, Asian spices, Mexican spices, etc.) Maybe it's because I worked in the school library starting in 4th grade, but I'm obsessed with ABCs.
OCD and writing are a hard mix. Usually, I start with just writing. I get an idea, sometimes plot it out, often not, and GO! When I'm in that mode, I write, and I don't stop, not for food, not for sleep. I've gone for weeks on 3-hour naps because I'm up all night writing until I'm literally typing in my sleep (crazy weird crap written in the moments of fading consciousness) then jolt awake with a great idea and write some more... for 21 hours straight.
Editing gets fun with OCD. I've read that most writers hate editing their stories. They have this great tale, and they don't want to change it. Steven King suggests shelving new manuscripts for months. Yeah, I have to do that in the final stage, but I still go into a frenzy when I'm in "Edit Mode." I've been known to sporadically scrap a newly written manuscript and rewrite the whole thing, all because I came up with a great idea. Don't worry, I keep multiple drafts, because sometime my mania-driven "great idea" turns out to be really stupid.
I obsess over grammar, yet I speak with some Southern peculiarities. "It needed done" is my husband's favorite. I never catch them, not after years.
"Why did you rewrite this? It was a great chapter!"
"It needed fixed."
O.o "Do you mean... it needed to be fixed?"
>_< (grrr) "Yeah..." I also obsess over my character's names, often for stupid reasons. For example, in my manuscript Daughters of Ashby, all of the characters and place names are after trees, with a few shrubs thrown in because I liked the names. While some are obvious (Linden, Hazel, Willow, Mimosa, Palmetto), and others are not too hard to figure out (Olivetta, Betulla, Quennel, Garnock, Mandel, Avalbane, Feàrn, Verbina), some of my favorite names are really obscure... probably not even names for people (Serenoa, Catalpa, Quercus, Tilia, Cedrus, Zelkova, Quillaja). I did hours upon hours of research. In every edit, I change at least one person's name to fit a plant that better describes their personality. It's probably all a waste, but I find research fun. Why all trees? I have no frickin' idea. I needed a bunch of names, so I looked on some baby name website, searched for tree names, and from there it all went crazy. I can count on one hand how many things are not named after trees (one is a horse).
So what am I obsessing over now? Editing! (insert maniacal grin of impending doom) Adding chapters, removing chapters, rummaging through old manuscripts written from before I discovered that publishers don't want 300k-wordcount tomes and breaking them into trilogies. I'm currently working on what I guess will be the second book of the Blue Fire Dragon series (yes, series... sadly, it looks to be 7 books long, not at all what I wanted!) I'm bouncing every week or so between Daughters of Ashby, Blue Fire, Ghost Coast, and sometimes I try to add a page or two to my eternally-on-hiatus Shadowstrider, which must one day be faced with breaking it down to publishable size, as much as I hate doing that AGAIN!
I just can't keep on task. Sometimes I obsess over a story, sometimes I obsess over a process. I feel like I'm drifting aimlessly, but I know at least some work is getting done, even if it's in a discursive way.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Each Day is a Mountain
In my manuscript Ghost Coast, I have a character named Byron who loves poetry, although ironically he's not fond of poetry by Lord Byron. (His favorite poet is Walt Whitman.) He recites a poem he uses for meditation. I researched a lot of poetry, wanting something meditative, filled with images of nature, which would fit Byron's personality as a Wiccan. I read on Pravs World, "life is a mountain," and I thought, "No, each day is a mountain." I probably read that somewhere, it doesn't sound original; however, this poem just flowed out from that thought, so fast that I had to write it quickly, like sopping up spilled wine. I paid no attention to rhythm and little to rhyme, although the ABCB rhyme scheme kicked in naturally. It just flowed out of my soul. That's the sort of poem my guy Byron would write. I thought I'd share it with my friends, since so many of you are climbing your own personal mountains.
(Yes, this is my own work. Please don't steal it. Thanks, friends! Keep on climbing.)
EACH DAY IS A MOUNTAIN
by Robyn Ann McKenzie
by Robyn Ann McKenzie
Each day is a mountain.
I climb it alone.
I climb ever upward
Struggling to find home.
One mountain is Hope,
The other Despair,
One is the Pain
I silently bear.
With each step up the trail
I grow stronger each day.
My soul guides me forward,
My heart knows the way.
Some of the paths are well-trodden,
Others I wander with no guide.
I don’t always know what I seek,
Only that I can’t ever hide.
Each step is a promise
I make to my soul,
Never to stop climbing
To my unreachable goal.
In silent meditation
I struggle each day.
My soul guides me forward,
My heart knows the way.
(Yes, this is my own work. Please don't steal it. Thanks, friends! Keep on climbing.)
Monday, June 21, 2010
Trimming the Word Count
You've written what you know is the next bestseller. It took months, maybe years, but at last it's done. As you prepare to submit it, you finally check the word count.
250,000 words!
What the...! When? How? It didn't feel like that much writing!
If you're reading this, you likely googled for help on this issue. If you're a casual writer wondering what's the deal with word counts, let me quickly define some things.
Short story - under 7,500 words
Novelette - 7,500 - 17,500 words
Novella - 17,500 - 40,000 words
Novel - 40,000 words and above
Word counts are important in contests. NaNoWriMo requires a minimum of 50,000 words. Some have a cap, a short story no longer than 5,000 words. Likely, the judges have many entries to read and don't want to be bogged down, or a minimum of space to publish your story in a magazine, thus a cap to keep within that space.
I'll be dealing with novels, but short stories can take similar advice.
How Much Is Too Much
The big question, one highly debated. People will argue with me. I encourage it. I win debates!
First time novelists should never submit anything over 100,000 words, and even that is pushing it. The ideal length for a new writer is 50,000 to 80,000. Why? More pages means more money in printing fees, and you're not worth the expense. Sorry, that's the harsh truth. Publish a few smaller works, gain fame, try again.
The general rule is, with the exception of big-name authors, no novel should be over 120,000 words. Murder/mystery books should be no more than 80,000, while science fiction and fantasy can push that limit to 150,000 words, if you're well-established.
That's important. It doesn't matter if you've been writing for your school newspaper since sixth grade, if you have no money behind your name, don't aim for a novel to shame Victor Hugo and Leo Tolstoy. When you're Stephen King or J.K. Rowling, you can write 200,000 words and publishers will still kowtow before you. When you're John Smith, no fan base besides your classmates and parents, no assurance that even your aunt will buy the book, an editor will much rather take a gamble on something small. People don't want 700-page tomes, they want a cheap paperback they can take on the bus. That's what sells. This is a business, it's all about money to them. Save your magnum opus for after you have a few thousand fans on Facebook.
You're probably tempted to check your novel again right now. Go ahead....
Now that you've cringed, as I first did when I realized my novel was 170,000 words, it's time to consider your options.
1. Shelve it. Try a new, smaller story.
2. Split it in half and aim for a sequel.
3. Edit the hell outta that thing.
Finish At Your Own Pace
Before I begin, a writer shouldn't worry about word counts while in the creative process. Let the story flow. Do not look at the word counter. Whether you finish at a mere 40,000 words or over 150,000, let the story finish naturally.
This is what I do. Many people will shovel you advice, and many will say I'm wrong, but this works for me. After I punch in the final period, I immediately go back to page one and do a top-to-bottom read-through. The story is in my head, so I can see if I captured the spirit of it. While enjoying your story, go ahead and fix mundane things: punctuation, grammar, spelling, scenes that just didn't turn out right. Again, don't worry about the word count yet. Make sure this is truly how you want your story to sound. You'd be surprised how often scenes in retrospect are pure crap, or whole conversations of dialogue sound stupid.
Once you have a completed manuscript, put that sucker away. Don't look at it. Don't proofread it. Don't dwell on it. Divorce yourself from that project. Start a new story, or proofread another manuscript gathering dust. Don't think, "But I wanted to publish it before the end of the year." SHELVE IT! Give yourself time to become detached. Trust me, you want no feelings for this story, because the next part will be brutal.
After six months have passed and you can hardly remember the names of your characters, now you can open your file to a story you hardly know. If you haven't already, this is the time to set it up as if you're going to send it to the editor: 8.5" by 11" page, one inch margins, 12-point font Courier New, double spaced, and a header with Last Name / Title / Page Number (use Insert/Fields to make it uniform).
If you're like me, double spacing it will be a shocker. That sweet novel suddenly explodes. But guess what: if it's on your computer at 1,000 pages, it'll arrive at the editors desk at 1,000 pages, and the second thing an editor looks at (the first being your title page with your name and your agent's name) is a word count or the number of pages. It's good to put the word count on the title page, just under your address, that way it saves them from flipping to the end.
Quantity over quality? No, it's just that, unless their eyes light up with dollar signs simply hearing your name and the prospect of another Hawaiian trip...er, I mean, best-selling novel...when an editor sees 1,000 pages, they think "oh gods not another prolix rookie" and toss it aside. Maybe it really is good, but it's too long to publish.
Try Again
Do not be ashamed if your first attempt at a novel turns into War and Peace. It's likely your story really is good, but it's two novels in one, or you have too many extraneous scenes. Don't wallow in worries. That was a good first try. It was practice. Now, let's go at it for real.
Now that you're acquainted with the writing process, first, set your document settings as if ready for the editor's desk, Courier New 12-point font and double spaced. This time, as you write, you'll know how long your story really is. My very first novel, I went through and added almost a hundred pages to it, thinking it looked too short. Later, after learning about word counts, I checked. Yikes! That hundred pages put it way over the limit. I decided it was easier to move on. I can edit it back down at my own pace, but I have more stories to tell.
Sequel?
When faced with a behemoth story, first see if you can break it into a sequel. Sequels are not good for first-time novelists (again, an editor has no clue if your book will sell, so why commit to two books?) If you've proven you can write quality stuff that sells, then having the assurance that there will be another novel in six months can be a good thing. This might mean rewriting scenes and inventing a new climax in the middle of the present story.
If you can end Book One nicely and pitch it as a stand-alone, while secretly keeping Book Two to spring upon them after the money comes pouring in, all the better. If not, see if the editor is looking for a series, be clear that this is the first in that series, and make an intense cliffhanger that forces a reader to want Book Two.
Chop-chop, Snip-snip
Let's say it's not actually 2 books in one, it's simply too long. This is where it gets bloody, and where divorcing yourself from the project becomes vital. It's time to slaughter that beast.
Here's something I read recently, and I plan on trying it someday. First, cut the chapters by 10%. Let's say you have 50 chapters. Find five that are unnecessary. A little voice in your head will scream, "No! They're all necessary!" Ignore that voice. This is why you must not feel attachment, but maintain the cold calculation of a serial killer. That scene of the protagonist at a party where she meets an old friend who we never see again... not needed! That long bit of dialogue where John and Jane talk about the weather, unless it's foreshadowing the storm that will wipe out their hometown, it's probably not needed. If it has been established that the main character is passive until someone insults his hair, and then he goes into a homicidal rage, showing him attacking a man who just made such an insult might not be necessary. Showing the insult, a flash in the protag's eyes, and then cutting to Protag entering his apartment and Roomie shocked that he's covered in blood is more powerful.
Now that 10% of the chapters are gone, do the same to each chapter. 10 pages to the chapter? Trim it to nine. It's not that hard, really. A word here or there, a shorter word when a long word isn't needed, getting orphaned words back up with the rest of their paragraph...poof! Congratulations, your 50-chapter book, 10 pages each, thus 500-page novel just became 45 chapters at 9 pages, so 405 pages. That's 95 pages of fluff cleaned out.
Too scared to start hacking at this stuff? I have a psychological trick.
What makes most writers reluctant to chop scenes is the love, diligence, and imagination we put into it. So convince yourself you're not tossing that hour of writing into oblivion.
I got into a habit of keeping my major edits in a separate file, Title-outtakes.doc. Copy and paste your scenes in there. I also add why the scene doesn't work, because sometimes I'll ready through those out-takes and think "But that was a really great bit of dialogue!" Yes, it was, but circumstances changed and you can't use it now. Convince yourself that those deleted scenes could form the basis of a whole new book. It's all psychological comforting.
Let's say you're not faced with trimming War and Peace down to Animal Farm. You just need to trim off 5,000 words.
Here are some tricks:
1) Simple Shortening
This is where you do minor tightening. You can do word searches for these things. My favorite is going to be. Search the document for that phrase.
Contractions are a prolix writer's best friend. Dialogue is naturally peppered with them. People also don't speak in complete sentences. "Wanna go to the store?" instead of "John, would you like to go to the store with me later this evening?" Don't go too crazy. There are times when using contractions is not good.
Dialogue should flow naturally, but don't give your characters the same word whiskers that plague public speakers. "Like," "you know," "well," "okay," "oh," and the dreaded "um" can give reality to your characters, showing shock, nervousness, temerity, and other emotions (show, not tell, remember?) However, if used in excess, it'll make them and you sound dumb. When trying to edit for less, see if you can cut them out without influencing the character.
Remember, your audience isn't dumb. Saying "green grass" and "blue sky" is unneeded unless the grass has been yellow all summer until the storm passes, or the sky has been gray until that one glorious day.
Beware of repeating terms. Using a single word repetitively in a sentence can be tedious, not to mention it looks juvenile. Editors will naturally catch this error, but...isn't it best to catch it first?
Word search "seem." It either is, or it isn't. Rarely does it "seem."
Word search for "just." Just is the um of writing. Just to let you know, just because you can use it and it just sounds right, it just isn't needed all the time. "In just three minutes" can be "In three minutes." Unless you're an infomercial announcer!
Word search for "which." Sometimes, "which" is necessary, but we tend to use it in unnecessary ways.
Look at that! Cut that awkward sentence in half! Call me Jet Li.
2) Unnecessary Description
English teachers, cover your ears!
The sad fact is, as writers, we can lose ourselves in adjectives. Mister Protag brings Love Interest a bouquet. Is it really vital to the story that it was a dozen pink and yellow roses, each bud tightly curled, as if holding within its petals the hopes of all his dreams, and each glistening, verdant leaf a testament to his adoration of her emerald eyes? Or... is it just a bouquet?
Description is important to good storytelling. If that bouquet truly does represent his love for her, by all means, delve into the symbolism! But does the vase she puts it in also convey meaning? It can, if she hates him and puts that gorgeous bouquet in a cracked vase still dirty from the last bouquet he brought. Otherwise, it's just a vase. What about the table she put it on? Is it vital to know it's a plastic table she bought at Ikea the week before when she and her best friend were shopping for shelves? What about when your character stepped into the bathroom at the bar, and those five pages of describing every bit of graffiti on the wall, is that vital to your story? What about the crystal wine goblet etched with a galleon at full sail, is that glass so special it deserves such detail? Sorry, bar bathroom, but you're simply a room to piss in. Sorry, wine goblet, but she'll sip you once, set you down, and we'll forget you and your galleon in two paragraphs.
3) Unnecessary Phrases
Sometimes, we use phrases to sound important, when really we're fluffing out an idea. Lawyers and politicians do this by habit, usually to confuse others, muffle up their arguments, and make their case sound more legitimate. Maybe it works on dumb people, but smart people will be wary of writing filled with these terms. You sound like a politician, and really, who trusts politicians? Beware of these terms:
4) Unnecessary Prepositions
This won't make much of a dint, but it's worth a shot.
This isn't just prepositions at the end of sentences ("That's where it's at" which should be "That's where it is" ...no at). I'm talking prepositions that simply should not be in a sentence. We're all guilty of it.
A boss may intone, "Work outside of the box." A hand will pop up in the back. "Ma'am, don't you mean 'work outside the box'?" The boss snaps, "That's what I said!"
Inside of, outside of, off of... keep listing them.
"She jumped off of the swing" should be "She jumped off the swing."
Like I said, it's minimal, maybe you'll trim 50 words, but every bit helps.
On the subject of prepositions, don't be fooled into believing sentences NEVER end with prepositions. Grammatically, they can. Latin doesn't, but that's Latin. Pedantic plebeians will teach that English should be exactly the same as Latin in all of its rules (including raving about the infamous "to boldly go" phrase). Sorry, elitist snobs, but English is a German-based language that happens to have some Latin-inspired words in our dictionary placed there by the French.
My favorite example, consider these verbs:
to put
to put up
to put up with
All three mean very different things.
Two friends are talking.
1) "I have to put up with this crap all day."
2) "Well, it's just something with which you'll have to put up."
What the...? Do people really talk like that? Some do. Some were lambasted by a middle school teacher, humiliated in front of peers, forced to stand in a corner wearing the dunce cap for writing prepositions at the end of their sentences. I pity those people.
Seriously, if you smell dog crap, do you yell, "On what did I step?"
Hell no! You yell, "What did I step on?"
"To step on" is called a verb phrase. Learn it. Love it. It's something you'll have to boldly put up with!
5) Unintense intensifiers
Some intensifiers don't empower our writing. "Really, very, quite, severely, extremely"... they don't cut it, so cut it! (and yes, "unintense" is not a real word, so sue me!)
6) Cliches and Euphemisms
You're nitpicking now, so you might as well search your work for these. Cliches make your work sound trite. Unfortunately, there are so many cliches and euphemisms out there, it's nigh impossible to list them all. Read through some at:
http://www.gardendigest.com/cliche.htm
7) Expletive Constructions
These little buggers are the termites of writing. "It is/was" and "There is/are" at the beginning of sentences weaken anything that come after them. Terminate the pests!
My suggestion: word search again, this time using the "match case" option. Find all instances of "It is/was" and "There is/are" at the beginning of sentences, and rewrite them into something stronger.
Once you finish this, click off the "match case" option and search all such instances. Look at how to strengthen and shorten those sentences, ridding yourself of that horrible passive voice. For one, you're not reading the story as a flowing river, but as individual sentences, separate entities. Many novelists have a hard time examining their manuscript line by line, so this helps. I've trimmed hundreds of words off a manuscript using this suggestion alone!
8) Use the active voice.
This naturally follows extermination of expletive constructions.
This is straight out of Strunk and White. If you have not read Elements of Style, do so. Seriously! That book and Stephen King's On Writing should be considered mandatory for any aspiring writer.
Not only will this make your writing more powerful, it will often shorten your sentences and cut out fluff. Fluff is bad. Fluff is the habit we picked up when our high school teacher assigned a five-page essay on the French Revolution, due Friday. Fluff will make you sound like you're still in high school hating that teacher.
Now, I'm not one for E-Prime, but many "to be" verbs lead into passive tenses. "She is hurt" is perfectly fine, but "They were dancing all night" is passive voice. "Were dancing" can also be "danced." Sometimes passive is fine, such as for a timid character. Often it's not. Excessive passive voice bogs a reader down. That reader includes your editor. If he feels bogged, your manuscript gets tossed.
9) Omit needless words!
Again, right out of Elements, and this will be my final suggestion. After all, "needless" could mean half your novel. It all depends on your talent. (Ain't I brutal!)
Seriously, what are needless words? Pleonasms, phrases that repeat themselves. "I saw it with my own eyes" is a good example. So is "fly through the air." What, not through Jello?
"A total of [number] [items]" can be only the number and the items.
"Scarlet red," "azure blue," "pale white," "tediously boring," "strangely odd." Notice these couplets mean the exact same thing. We see and hear these all the time, and some terms have wormed into acceptance. "Foreign imports," for example. Sorry, I've never heard of domestic imports.
Redundancies have plagued the English language since the Normans and Saxons tried to blend their languages, often resorting to a Norman term juxtaposed with a Saxon term, just to make sure the meaning was understood. "Aid and abet" and "cease and desist" are notorious examples.
Sometimes, we repeat a word without realizing it, such as ATM machine. The "M" means machine. Chai tea is another common one. Chai means tea.
These are some of my biggest redundancies. Again, these terms are not by themselves bad. Professional documents are filled with them. Using them will not spell death to your novel. However, if your goal is to tighten the belt of your fat manuscript, doing word searches might help shave off a few words.
For the complete list, see here:
Sorry this post is long
Hopefully by now your novel is a bit thinner. If you do all of this and still have a monster on your hands, perhaps you really should consider if this is two stories in one. There is no shame in taking the romance between the main character and the murder victim out and making that into a completely different story.
Whatever advice people give, either biting or gentle, listen seriously to it. You might think that chapter flashing back to the villain's childhood is vital to knowing his character, but maybe others can figure out his personality without that massive, boring chunk. It's not easy to take our darling creation and shred it to bits, but that's part of the creative writing process.
Have friends read your story, and challenge them to be brutally honest about what parts bored them. Better yet, have other writers read it, since they know what to look for and will be less cautious about hurting your feelings than a friend. Some will be more than willing to give a scathing review and red-mark that thing to bits. I'm that sort. I would be your worst nightmare if I ever became an editor. However, that's the type of editing I want: brutal, honest, tear out the rot and hand it back raw, pink, ready to be healed and become stronger from the scars. I don't want happy, sappy, omg-it's-so-great fluffery. Gawd, I hated professors who believed in writing only what was good about a story and never giving negative input. I want to know what's bad so I can fix it! Writers should take on that mentality. Don't fear criticism. Crave it!
Beat out the fluff. Keep concise.
Happy writing!
250,000 words!
What the...! When? How? It didn't feel like that much writing!
If you're reading this, you likely googled for help on this issue. If you're a casual writer wondering what's the deal with word counts, let me quickly define some things.
Short story - under 7,500 words
Novelette - 7,500 - 17,500 words
Novella - 17,500 - 40,000 words
Novel - 40,000 words and above
Word counts are important in contests. NaNoWriMo requires a minimum of 50,000 words. Some have a cap, a short story no longer than 5,000 words. Likely, the judges have many entries to read and don't want to be bogged down, or a minimum of space to publish your story in a magazine, thus a cap to keep within that space.
I'll be dealing with novels, but short stories can take similar advice.
How Much Is Too Much
The big question, one highly debated. People will argue with me. I encourage it. I win debates!
First time novelists should never submit anything over 100,000 words, and even that is pushing it. The ideal length for a new writer is 50,000 to 80,000. Why? More pages means more money in printing fees, and you're not worth the expense. Sorry, that's the harsh truth. Publish a few smaller works, gain fame, try again.
The general rule is, with the exception of big-name authors, no novel should be over 120,000 words. Murder/mystery books should be no more than 80,000, while science fiction and fantasy can push that limit to 150,000 words, if you're well-established.
That's important. It doesn't matter if you've been writing for your school newspaper since sixth grade, if you have no money behind your name, don't aim for a novel to shame Victor Hugo and Leo Tolstoy. When you're Stephen King or J.K. Rowling, you can write 200,000 words and publishers will still kowtow before you. When you're John Smith, no fan base besides your classmates and parents, no assurance that even your aunt will buy the book, an editor will much rather take a gamble on something small. People don't want 700-page tomes, they want a cheap paperback they can take on the bus. That's what sells. This is a business, it's all about money to them. Save your magnum opus for after you have a few thousand fans on Facebook.
You're probably tempted to check your novel again right now. Go ahead....
Now that you've cringed, as I first did when I realized my novel was 170,000 words, it's time to consider your options.
1. Shelve it. Try a new, smaller story.
2. Split it in half and aim for a sequel.
3. Edit the hell outta that thing.
Finish At Your Own Pace
Before I begin, a writer shouldn't worry about word counts while in the creative process. Let the story flow. Do not look at the word counter. Whether you finish at a mere 40,000 words or over 150,000, let the story finish naturally.
This is what I do. Many people will shovel you advice, and many will say I'm wrong, but this works for me. After I punch in the final period, I immediately go back to page one and do a top-to-bottom read-through. The story is in my head, so I can see if I captured the spirit of it. While enjoying your story, go ahead and fix mundane things: punctuation, grammar, spelling, scenes that just didn't turn out right. Again, don't worry about the word count yet. Make sure this is truly how you want your story to sound. You'd be surprised how often scenes in retrospect are pure crap, or whole conversations of dialogue sound stupid.
Once you have a completed manuscript, put that sucker away. Don't look at it. Don't proofread it. Don't dwell on it. Divorce yourself from that project. Start a new story, or proofread another manuscript gathering dust. Don't think, "But I wanted to publish it before the end of the year." SHELVE IT! Give yourself time to become detached. Trust me, you want no feelings for this story, because the next part will be brutal.
After six months have passed and you can hardly remember the names of your characters, now you can open your file to a story you hardly know. If you haven't already, this is the time to set it up as if you're going to send it to the editor: 8.5" by 11" page, one inch margins, 12-point font Courier New, double spaced, and a header with Last Name / Title / Page Number (use Insert/Fields to make it uniform).
If you're like me, double spacing it will be a shocker. That sweet novel suddenly explodes. But guess what: if it's on your computer at 1,000 pages, it'll arrive at the editors desk at 1,000 pages, and the second thing an editor looks at (the first being your title page with your name and your agent's name) is a word count or the number of pages. It's good to put the word count on the title page, just under your address, that way it saves them from flipping to the end.
Quantity over quality? No, it's just that, unless their eyes light up with dollar signs simply hearing your name and the prospect of another Hawaiian trip...er, I mean, best-selling novel...when an editor sees 1,000 pages, they think "oh gods not another prolix rookie" and toss it aside. Maybe it really is good, but it's too long to publish.
Try Again
Do not be ashamed if your first attempt at a novel turns into War and Peace. It's likely your story really is good, but it's two novels in one, or you have too many extraneous scenes. Don't wallow in worries. That was a good first try. It was practice. Now, let's go at it for real.
Now that you're acquainted with the writing process, first, set your document settings as if ready for the editor's desk, Courier New 12-point font and double spaced. This time, as you write, you'll know how long your story really is. My very first novel, I went through and added almost a hundred pages to it, thinking it looked too short. Later, after learning about word counts, I checked. Yikes! That hundred pages put it way over the limit. I decided it was easier to move on. I can edit it back down at my own pace, but I have more stories to tell.
Sequel?
When faced with a behemoth story, first see if you can break it into a sequel. Sequels are not good for first-time novelists (again, an editor has no clue if your book will sell, so why commit to two books?) If you've proven you can write quality stuff that sells, then having the assurance that there will be another novel in six months can be a good thing. This might mean rewriting scenes and inventing a new climax in the middle of the present story.
If you can end Book One nicely and pitch it as a stand-alone, while secretly keeping Book Two to spring upon them after the money comes pouring in, all the better. If not, see if the editor is looking for a series, be clear that this is the first in that series, and make an intense cliffhanger that forces a reader to want Book Two.
Chop-chop, Snip-snip
Let's say it's not actually 2 books in one, it's simply too long. This is where it gets bloody, and where divorcing yourself from the project becomes vital. It's time to slaughter that beast.
- Tithing
Here's something I read recently, and I plan on trying it someday. First, cut the chapters by 10%. Let's say you have 50 chapters. Find five that are unnecessary. A little voice in your head will scream, "No! They're all necessary!" Ignore that voice. This is why you must not feel attachment, but maintain the cold calculation of a serial killer. That scene of the protagonist at a party where she meets an old friend who we never see again... not needed! That long bit of dialogue where John and Jane talk about the weather, unless it's foreshadowing the storm that will wipe out their hometown, it's probably not needed. If it has been established that the main character is passive until someone insults his hair, and then he goes into a homicidal rage, showing him attacking a man who just made such an insult might not be necessary. Showing the insult, a flash in the protag's eyes, and then cutting to Protag entering his apartment and Roomie shocked that he's covered in blood is more powerful.
Now that 10% of the chapters are gone, do the same to each chapter. 10 pages to the chapter? Trim it to nine. It's not that hard, really. A word here or there, a shorter word when a long word isn't needed, getting orphaned words back up with the rest of their paragraph...poof! Congratulations, your 50-chapter book, 10 pages each, thus 500-page novel just became 45 chapters at 9 pages, so 405 pages. That's 95 pages of fluff cleaned out.
- Psych Yourself
Too scared to start hacking at this stuff? I have a psychological trick.
What makes most writers reluctant to chop scenes is the love, diligence, and imagination we put into it. So convince yourself you're not tossing that hour of writing into oblivion.
I got into a habit of keeping my major edits in a separate file, Title-outtakes.doc. Copy and paste your scenes in there. I also add why the scene doesn't work, because sometimes I'll ready through those out-takes and think "But that was a really great bit of dialogue!" Yes, it was, but circumstances changed and you can't use it now. Convince yourself that those deleted scenes could form the basis of a whole new book. It's all psychological comforting.
- Dieting Your Book
Let's say you're not faced with trimming War and Peace down to Animal Farm. You just need to trim off 5,000 words.
Here are some tricks:
1) Simple Shortening
This is where you do minor tightening. You can do word searches for these things. My favorite is going to be. Search the document for that phrase.
- "This is going to be great." Shorter! "This will be great."
- "It was going to be an easy task." Shorter! "The task would be easy."
Contractions are a prolix writer's best friend. Dialogue is naturally peppered with them. People also don't speak in complete sentences. "Wanna go to the store?" instead of "John, would you like to go to the store with me later this evening?" Don't go too crazy. There are times when using contractions is not good.
Dialogue should flow naturally, but don't give your characters the same word whiskers that plague public speakers. "Like," "you know," "well," "okay," "oh," and the dreaded "um" can give reality to your characters, showing shock, nervousness, temerity, and other emotions (show, not tell, remember?) However, if used in excess, it'll make them and you sound dumb. When trying to edit for less, see if you can cut them out without influencing the character.
Remember, your audience isn't dumb. Saying "green grass" and "blue sky" is unneeded unless the grass has been yellow all summer until the storm passes, or the sky has been gray until that one glorious day.
Beware of repeating terms. Using a single word repetitively in a sentence can be tedious, not to mention it looks juvenile. Editors will naturally catch this error, but...isn't it best to catch it first?
Word search "seem." It either is, or it isn't. Rarely does it "seem."
- "It seemed to last a long time" is fine, if it really didn't.
- "It seems to be raining." Well, it is? If it is, don't say it seems to be!
Word search for "just." Just is the um of writing. Just to let you know, just because you can use it and it just sounds right, it just isn't needed all the time. "In just three minutes" can be "In three minutes." Unless you're an infomercial announcer!
Word search for "which." Sometimes, "which" is necessary, but we tend to use it in unnecessary ways.
- "Her birthday, which would be in just two days from now, was a party which I have been looking forward to all summer." - 23 words
- "All summer, I've anxiously awaited her birthday, now two days away." - 10 words
Look at that! Cut that awkward sentence in half! Call me Jet Li.
2) Unnecessary Description
English teachers, cover your ears!
The sad fact is, as writers, we can lose ourselves in adjectives. Mister Protag brings Love Interest a bouquet. Is it really vital to the story that it was a dozen pink and yellow roses, each bud tightly curled, as if holding within its petals the hopes of all his dreams, and each glistening, verdant leaf a testament to his adoration of her emerald eyes? Or... is it just a bouquet?
Description is important to good storytelling. If that bouquet truly does represent his love for her, by all means, delve into the symbolism! But does the vase she puts it in also convey meaning? It can, if she hates him and puts that gorgeous bouquet in a cracked vase still dirty from the last bouquet he brought. Otherwise, it's just a vase. What about the table she put it on? Is it vital to know it's a plastic table she bought at Ikea the week before when she and her best friend were shopping for shelves? What about when your character stepped into the bathroom at the bar, and those five pages of describing every bit of graffiti on the wall, is that vital to your story? What about the crystal wine goblet etched with a galleon at full sail, is that glass so special it deserves such detail? Sorry, bar bathroom, but you're simply a room to piss in. Sorry, wine goblet, but she'll sip you once, set you down, and we'll forget you and your galleon in two paragraphs.
3) Unnecessary Phrases
Sometimes, we use phrases to sound important, when really we're fluffing out an idea. Lawyers and politicians do this by habit, usually to confuse others, muffle up their arguments, and make their case sound more legitimate. Maybe it works on dumb people, but smart people will be wary of writing filled with these terms. You sound like a politician, and really, who trusts politicians? Beware of these terms:
- All things considered
- As a matter of fact
- As far as I'm concerned
- At the present time
- Because of (or "due to" or "by virtue of") the fact that... (simply "because" or "since" can work)
- By means of ("through" is better)
- For all intents and purposes (you might want to make sure you didn't word it "intensive purposes" too)
- Has a tendency to (just "tends to")
- In a manner of speaking
- In a very real sense
- In my opinion
- In the case of
- It seems that (remember above, bad uses of "seem")
- The point I'm trying to make (obviously you've used too many words to make your point)
- Type of ("It's the type of policy that seems to make voters wary" can be "Such policy makes voters wary")
- What I mean to say is (unless the muttering character has just spent a paragraph rambling aimlessly, in which case, you might want to delete that scene anyway)
4) Unnecessary Prepositions
This won't make much of a dint, but it's worth a shot.
This isn't just prepositions at the end of sentences ("That's where it's at" which should be "That's where it is" ...no at). I'm talking prepositions that simply should not be in a sentence. We're all guilty of it.
A boss may intone, "Work outside of the box." A hand will pop up in the back. "Ma'am, don't you mean 'work outside the box'?" The boss snaps, "That's what I said!"
Inside of, outside of, off of... keep listing them.
"She jumped off of the swing" should be "She jumped off the swing."
Like I said, it's minimal, maybe you'll trim 50 words, but every bit helps.
On the subject of prepositions, don't be fooled into believing sentences NEVER end with prepositions. Grammatically, they can. Latin doesn't, but that's Latin. Pedantic plebeians will teach that English should be exactly the same as Latin in all of its rules (including raving about the infamous "to boldly go" phrase). Sorry, elitist snobs, but English is a German-based language that happens to have some Latin-inspired words in our dictionary placed there by the French.
My favorite example, consider these verbs:
to put
to put up
to put up with
All three mean very different things.
Two friends are talking.
1) "I have to put up with this crap all day."
2) "Well, it's just something with which you'll have to put up."
What the...? Do people really talk like that? Some do. Some were lambasted by a middle school teacher, humiliated in front of peers, forced to stand in a corner wearing the dunce cap for writing prepositions at the end of their sentences. I pity those people.
Seriously, if you smell dog crap, do you yell, "On what did I step?"
Hell no! You yell, "What did I step on?"
"To step on" is called a verb phrase. Learn it. Love it. It's something you'll have to boldly put up with!
5) Unintense intensifiers
Some intensifiers don't empower our writing. "Really, very, quite, severely, extremely"... they don't cut it, so cut it! (and yes, "unintense" is not a real word, so sue me!)
- "It really is important that you come into work on time today because we've been very busy, extremely packed, and we're severely understaffed, so we're quite overwhelmed." - 27 words
- "We're busy. It's packed. We're understaffed and overwhelmed. Come into work NOW!" - 12 words
6) Cliches and Euphemisms
You're nitpicking now, so you might as well search your work for these. Cliches make your work sound trite. Unfortunately, there are so many cliches and euphemisms out there, it's nigh impossible to list them all. Read through some at:
http://www.gardendigest.com/cliche.htm
7) Expletive Constructions
These little buggers are the termites of writing. "It is/was" and "There is/are" at the beginning of sentences weaken anything that come after them. Terminate the pests!
My suggestion: word search again, this time using the "match case" option. Find all instances of "It is/was" and "There is/are" at the beginning of sentences, and rewrite them into something stronger.
- "There are many fish living in the sea." - soggy, like a 6th grader's biology essay.
- "Many fish live in the sea." - more concise, crisper, like fried calamari.
Once you finish this, click off the "match case" option and search all such instances. Look at how to strengthen and shorten those sentences, ridding yourself of that horrible passive voice. For one, you're not reading the story as a flowing river, but as individual sentences, separate entities. Many novelists have a hard time examining their manuscript line by line, so this helps. I've trimmed hundreds of words off a manuscript using this suggestion alone!
8) Use the active voice.
This naturally follows extermination of expletive constructions.
This is straight out of Strunk and White. If you have not read Elements of Style, do so. Seriously! That book and Stephen King's On Writing should be considered mandatory for any aspiring writer.
Not only will this make your writing more powerful, it will often shorten your sentences and cut out fluff. Fluff is bad. Fluff is the habit we picked up when our high school teacher assigned a five-page essay on the French Revolution, due Friday. Fluff will make you sound like you're still in high school hating that teacher.
- "It was not long before he was very sorry that he had said what he said." - 16 words
- "He soon repented his words."
Now, I'm not one for E-Prime, but many "to be" verbs lead into passive tenses. "She is hurt" is perfectly fine, but "They were dancing all night" is passive voice. "Were dancing" can also be "danced." Sometimes passive is fine, such as for a timid character. Often it's not. Excessive passive voice bogs a reader down. That reader includes your editor. If he feels bogged, your manuscript gets tossed.
9) Omit needless words!
Again, right out of Elements, and this will be my final suggestion. After all, "needless" could mean half your novel. It all depends on your talent. (Ain't I brutal!)
Seriously, what are needless words? Pleonasms, phrases that repeat themselves. "I saw it with my own eyes" is a good example. So is "fly through the air." What, not through Jello?
"A total of [number] [items]" can be only the number and the items.
"Scarlet red," "azure blue," "pale white," "tediously boring," "strangely odd." Notice these couplets mean the exact same thing. We see and hear these all the time, and some terms have wormed into acceptance. "Foreign imports," for example. Sorry, I've never heard of domestic imports.
Redundancies have plagued the English language since the Normans and Saxons tried to blend their languages, often resorting to a Norman term juxtaposed with a Saxon term, just to make sure the meaning was understood. "Aid and abet" and "cease and desist" are notorious examples.
Sometimes, we repeat a word without realizing it, such as ATM machine. The "M" means machine. Chai tea is another common one. Chai means tea.
These are some of my biggest redundancies. Again, these terms are not by themselves bad. Professional documents are filled with them. Using them will not spell death to your novel. However, if your goal is to tighten the belt of your fat manuscript, doing word searches might help shave off a few words.
For the complete list, see here:
- absolutely necessary
- actual fact
- armed gunman
- ask the question
- basic necessities
- blend together
- blue (or any hue) in color
- bouquet of flowers (either specify or say just bouquet)
- burning embers
- cacophony of sound
- circle around
- close proximity
- closed fist (I laugh at this one. What, praytell, is an open fist?)
- completely... (just search that word. Completely filled, completely eliminated, completely dead... unless he's "mostly dead." Sorry, couldn't help a little Princess Bride reference)
- could possibly
- descend down (also raise up)
- disappear from sight
- during the course of (just "during" is fine)
- dwindle down (you can't go up)
- each and every
- enter in (and exit out)
- exact same
- final outcome
- frozen ice (and burning fire)
- kneel down
- lag behind
- lift up (and lower down)
- may/might possibly
- mental telepathy
- new beginning
- pair of twins
- palm of the hand (unless your foot has a palm. Mine doesn't.)
- past history
- pick and choose
- pouring down
- proceed ahead
- protest against
- repeat again
- sudden impulse
- twelve noon
- unexpected surprise
- usual custom
- very unique
- white snow
Sorry this post is long
Hopefully by now your novel is a bit thinner. If you do all of this and still have a monster on your hands, perhaps you really should consider if this is two stories in one. There is no shame in taking the romance between the main character and the murder victim out and making that into a completely different story.
Whatever advice people give, either biting or gentle, listen seriously to it. You might think that chapter flashing back to the villain's childhood is vital to knowing his character, but maybe others can figure out his personality without that massive, boring chunk. It's not easy to take our darling creation and shred it to bits, but that's part of the creative writing process.
Have friends read your story, and challenge them to be brutally honest about what parts bored them. Better yet, have other writers read it, since they know what to look for and will be less cautious about hurting your feelings than a friend. Some will be more than willing to give a scathing review and red-mark that thing to bits. I'm that sort. I would be your worst nightmare if I ever became an editor. However, that's the type of editing I want: brutal, honest, tear out the rot and hand it back raw, pink, ready to be healed and become stronger from the scars. I don't want happy, sappy, omg-it's-so-great fluffery. Gawd, I hated professors who believed in writing only what was good about a story and never giving negative input. I want to know what's bad so I can fix it! Writers should take on that mentality. Don't fear criticism. Crave it!
Beat out the fluff. Keep concise.
Happy writing!
Monday, May 31, 2010
He Never Ran
I heard a newsclip about lightning canceling Obama's Memorial Day speech, and I thought up this poem in about five minutes.
---
The rain begins in the cemetery
And lighting flashes over Chicago.
Even the President is hurried away
Urging others to carefully go.
But he stays.
It doesn’t matter what his name is.
Once, he was a serial number in a cell far away.
Sitting in his wheelchair, some offer to push him
While others scurry and run away.
He never ran.
Not then, not now,
He never ran when the flashing in the sky
Was something far more deadly than lightning.
He stayed, lost his leg, shocked each time that he didn’t die.
Some saw danger and fled.
Most still ended up dead.
Another man comes up to him and warns him he should leave.
“It’s dangerous with the lightning and you in this chair.”
The veteran just laughs, a creaky, sagely sound.
“Sorry sonny, but you had to have been there.”
What did he know of danger,
This plumped and spoiled stranger?
He never ran away from his buddies,
Not on the battlefield, and not by their grave.
He stays to remember the pranks they played in boot camp.
He stays to remember the sacrifice they gave.
He chuckles to himself while others run with umbrellas.
He remembers the lightning storm in that land far away,
An open field, more metal on him then than this wheelchair,
And they had considered that to be a good day!
The rain soaks his white hair as he salutes.
“I never ran, my friends.
And because I didn’t run, I’ll never run again,
And true, the pain never ends.
But that’s okay.
I can sit in this wheelchair, sit in this rain,
While others flee the storm, and I can
Tell all of you heroes quite proudly:
I never ran!”
---
The rain begins in the cemetery
And lighting flashes over Chicago.
Even the President is hurried away
Urging others to carefully go.
But he stays.
It doesn’t matter what his name is.
Once, he was a serial number in a cell far away.
Sitting in his wheelchair, some offer to push him
While others scurry and run away.
He never ran.
Not then, not now,
He never ran when the flashing in the sky
Was something far more deadly than lightning.
He stayed, lost his leg, shocked each time that he didn’t die.
Some saw danger and fled.
Most still ended up dead.
Another man comes up to him and warns him he should leave.
“It’s dangerous with the lightning and you in this chair.”
The veteran just laughs, a creaky, sagely sound.
“Sorry sonny, but you had to have been there.”
What did he know of danger,
This plumped and spoiled stranger?
He never ran away from his buddies,
Not on the battlefield, and not by their grave.
He stays to remember the pranks they played in boot camp.
He stays to remember the sacrifice they gave.
He chuckles to himself while others run with umbrellas.
He remembers the lightning storm in that land far away,
An open field, more metal on him then than this wheelchair,
And they had considered that to be a good day!
The rain soaks his white hair as he salutes.
“I never ran, my friends.
And because I didn’t run, I’ll never run again,
And true, the pain never ends.
But that’s okay.
I can sit in this wheelchair, sit in this rain,
While others flee the storm, and I can
Tell all of you heroes quite proudly:
I never ran!”
Monday, April 19, 2010
So You Wanna Be a Writer
Just thought I'd share a response to this article:
http://bit.ly/bRaViv
---
I've heard this advice many times. Matt likes to daydream about a day when I'm richer than JK Rowling. I'll be happy to get published and sell enough to break even.
The advice of writing every day is absolutely true. This is what NaNoWriMo is all about. "So, you want to be a writer? Fine, spend one month as a writer. If you can hack it and produce a 50,000 word novel, maybe you've got something." Most of the writers I've met for Nanowrimo feel beaten and exhausted at the end of the month. They're GLAD when they can stop writing and declare they don't want to touch a keyboard again. It's not a profession for them. For me, I almost always go for double, 100k words in 30 days. That's giving me a REAL challenge. If my computer is out and I can't write all day, I feel lost.
I don't write because I want to be a writer. I write because I can't imagine anything else I'd rather be doing. Whether I publish it, whether it sells, whether it gets good reviews... sure, part of me cares about that, but the important thing is to get that story out of me and sculpt it into something I like. That's why I prefer fiction. It's a story I WANT to tell, not one I feel I have to in order to get paid. That's like literary prostitution! The only time I don't write is when the seizures turn my brain into stir fry. Otherwise, I'm writing daily, or like now, editing until my brain hurts.
I used to hate editing for many of the reasons stated in this article. I would spend hours researching a scene, or looking for the right word, just to discover the entire chapter was crap. I've recently dealt myself such a devastating blow--two days of researching a description, and as I was proofreading I began to yawn. Totally boring part, did nothing to enhance my character, I wanted to skip it and go to the part I knew was exciting. Two days of research! It might work good for an article on Celtic armory, but it has no place in my story.
Every major novel I write has a file purely of "take-outs," scenes I loved at the time, and maybe they'll work somewhere else, but I had to get rid of them in order to find my literary David hidden in the lump of marble logorrhea. It hurts to edit. It's masochistic! It's one more element which makes the argument that all writers are secretly sociopaths.
However, I disagree with his opinion on "inspiration" being untrustworthy and something not to seek out. For one, I've yet to figure out how anyone "seeks" inspiration, except through Absinthe and drugs. True, some great classics came out of those altered states, but so did a lot of freakishly BAD writing.
Those who believe they can write purely on inspiration are fools. Still, there are times when I get inspired, write like a madwoman for days or weeks, foregoing sleep, and turn out something that makes me think "where the hell did THAT come from? That can't be me. It's GOOD!" And there are days when what I produce makes my stomach turn. Yesterday's sheer brilliance is today's shudder of horror. Time to hit the delete button and pretend that never happened.
Often, inspiration comes in bursts. I'll write for 2-3 hours a day, and maybe for 10 minutes I'll get a flow of words that clicks. A well-placed joke, a witty remark, a paragraph of description that leaves me stunned. Usually, I have to wait days, if not weeks, for any drive to write at all. That's the time for masochistic editing.
Inspiration is not always bad. It's just not always good, and holding on to those pages purely because they were "inspired" shows immaturity. Writers who think "inspiration"--mere episodes of prolix paroxysms--are Muse-inspired brilliance have obviously not realized that Muses hand out rocks, not pearls. A writer's job is to take that rock, cut it, polish it, and hope and pray there's a gem inside and not just mud.
http://bit.ly/bRaViv
---
I've heard this advice many times. Matt likes to daydream about a day when I'm richer than JK Rowling. I'll be happy to get published and sell enough to break even.
The advice of writing every day is absolutely true. This is what NaNoWriMo is all about. "So, you want to be a writer? Fine, spend one month as a writer. If you can hack it and produce a 50,000 word novel, maybe you've got something." Most of the writers I've met for Nanowrimo feel beaten and exhausted at the end of the month. They're GLAD when they can stop writing and declare they don't want to touch a keyboard again. It's not a profession for them. For me, I almost always go for double, 100k words in 30 days. That's giving me a REAL challenge. If my computer is out and I can't write all day, I feel lost.
I don't write because I want to be a writer. I write because I can't imagine anything else I'd rather be doing. Whether I publish it, whether it sells, whether it gets good reviews... sure, part of me cares about that, but the important thing is to get that story out of me and sculpt it into something I like. That's why I prefer fiction. It's a story I WANT to tell, not one I feel I have to in order to get paid. That's like literary prostitution! The only time I don't write is when the seizures turn my brain into stir fry. Otherwise, I'm writing daily, or like now, editing until my brain hurts.
I used to hate editing for many of the reasons stated in this article. I would spend hours researching a scene, or looking for the right word, just to discover the entire chapter was crap. I've recently dealt myself such a devastating blow--two days of researching a description, and as I was proofreading I began to yawn. Totally boring part, did nothing to enhance my character, I wanted to skip it and go to the part I knew was exciting. Two days of research! It might work good for an article on Celtic armory, but it has no place in my story.
Every major novel I write has a file purely of "take-outs," scenes I loved at the time, and maybe they'll work somewhere else, but I had to get rid of them in order to find my literary David hidden in the lump of marble logorrhea. It hurts to edit. It's masochistic! It's one more element which makes the argument that all writers are secretly sociopaths.
However, I disagree with his opinion on "inspiration" being untrustworthy and something not to seek out. For one, I've yet to figure out how anyone "seeks" inspiration, except through Absinthe and drugs. True, some great classics came out of those altered states, but so did a lot of freakishly BAD writing.
Those who believe they can write purely on inspiration are fools. Still, there are times when I get inspired, write like a madwoman for days or weeks, foregoing sleep, and turn out something that makes me think "where the hell did THAT come from? That can't be me. It's GOOD!" And there are days when what I produce makes my stomach turn. Yesterday's sheer brilliance is today's shudder of horror. Time to hit the delete button and pretend that never happened.
Often, inspiration comes in bursts. I'll write for 2-3 hours a day, and maybe for 10 minutes I'll get a flow of words that clicks. A well-placed joke, a witty remark, a paragraph of description that leaves me stunned. Usually, I have to wait days, if not weeks, for any drive to write at all. That's the time for masochistic editing.
Inspiration is not always bad. It's just not always good, and holding on to those pages purely because they were "inspired" shows immaturity. Writers who think "inspiration"--mere episodes of prolix paroxysms--are Muse-inspired brilliance have obviously not realized that Muses hand out rocks, not pearls. A writer's job is to take that rock, cut it, polish it, and hope and pray there's a gem inside and not just mud.
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