A Peek Into My OCD World

Here is a classic example of why I have not published Book One of the Shadowstrider series (I know many of you are waiting for it, but be patient with me a little longer).

Okay, as you may (or likely may not) know, Shadowstrider is a multi-generational tale about a Native American family facing adventures only possible in the realm of science fiction (aliens, space pirates, psychic genocidal maniacs, and all that jazz). Many of the family members are religious, following the beliefs of Thekoni, the Great Eagle, and praying in their native language, Rovesia. I invented Rovesia to fill in the need for more "authentic" Native American scenes. Rather than simply say the character prayed to Thekoni, I actually write out the prayer in the native language followed by a translation. When a character gets highly emotions, they may curse in Rovesia (which are usually longwinded hexes). It is a language still in development, although I have a fairly good dictionary in the making.

For the most part, Rovesia was created on an "as needed" basis. In other words, if I want a character to say "The sky is blue" but I don't yet have a word for "sky," I create one based upon root terms (by the way, the phrase would be "Hidumoni udan ama"). This tactic has obvious flaws.

One, I only have so many root terms, so words can get complicated. I even have two characters jokingly compete for the longest Rovesia term they can think of; my favorite is a tie between aawethea'mojadu, or "wolf," literally "silver claw," and Hidumonifawawe, which is their name for the constellation Aquarius, literally "Sky-Jar."

Two, I sometimes use words not realizing the intent behind it. For example, I'll use an existing term for "cold" without double-checking if the root terms imply callousness or climate. I finally corrected this error by putting literal translations in my dictionary... such a hassle.
Three, I often create a new word although I already have a similar existing term, especially when I'm thinking too much in English. For instance, as you'll see below, I came up with a word for "correct" and a word for "true" separately, with totally different root meanings, although they mean the same in English.

What can I say, I'm not JRR Tolkien!

Alrighty, so I'm working on Book 12--that's the last book in the series, honestly--and as I write what is the most common Rovesia invocation, the morning prayer, I realize a glaring error. One of the lines goes "Fill my life with discernment and true answers." I sort of did a "head tilt" at the term "true answers." I always hated that phrase but could not come up with a better translation. The original term was duko koye, which has a literal translation of "bottom-answer (true)" and "answers." Obviously, some distasteful repetition going on there. So I considered it for a moment and thought "'true answers' means truth. I don't have a word for 'truth' yet because I always used duko koye. Truth is when all answers are correct. So why not one word, dukoye?" Directly translating dukoye would be impossible, and "true" and "correct" are adjectives and therefore incapable of being pluralized (-ye is a pluralization suffix). So the closest meaning would be "truth," changing the adjective into a noun.

A minor issue? Maybe, but I'm rather fond of my invented language and I want it to be perfect, or at least comprehensive. As I said, this is the most commonly-said prayer, so I want it to make sense.

So I looked in my handy-dandy Rovesia-English dictionary (a cumbersome text file at the moment) and realized another error. I have duko which means "true" and udsi which means "correct." But those have the same meaning. Crap! So I decided that, whereas duko is more in reference to an answer, udsi carries the implication of living one's live in wisdom (udsi literally means "to be wise"). Which means all references, in all twelve books, to both udsi and duko have to be examined to determine which intent I had in mind.

Luckily, I keep a list of all Rovesia phrases I use, which is a pain in the neck to document but so handy in mass corrections like this. Thankfully, udsi is not used too often. Duko is another matter, as the morning prayer with its duko koye phrase occurs at least once in every book. Due to sheer size and my computer whining about loading anything over 200 pages, I have my novels broken into three parts. Which means 36 files to search and adjust. When you add in my many files with notes for the series, that means over 40 pages to check. This might take half the day.

And this is why I have not published Book One. If I had, then the term duko koye would be in print and unable to change without making a new edition. Such is my OCD approach to writing. When I am satisfied with the whole series, including the languages I invented to give the tale a level of authenticity, then I will publish it. Until then... patience, grasshoppers, patience!

A New Definition of "Low Brass"

Now here are some low sounds.

Subcontrabass Flute - more plumbing than your average kitchen!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9Nz0UGuQyc

Contrabass Ocarina - mystical and calming
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfL9BJ5Ve60

Subcontrabass recorder - gorgeous 400-year-old instrument, you need a stepladder just to put it together!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VcoV37kRFc

Contrabass Clarinet - short and sweet. I've played along with this instrument, and it is amazing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6HteNRMU5U

E-flat contrabass sax - playing one of my favorite jazz songs. If Ella Fitzgerald had sung this low, her voice would have gone out much sooner.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1t_vu_uQoQ

Contrabassoon - Bach would have applauded
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEvY5q_DG2c

Contrabass Sarrusophone - a rare instrument, most popular in Frank Zappa songs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51lcyVGorYQ

Tubax and Soprillo - little shaky on the video, but great music and one talented guy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNyb3FzXZrs

Contrabass French Horn - Matt, welcome to the low brass section :P
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bC3UvJpxXO8

Contrabass trombone - I've played on one of these suckers. So much fun!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXitAt16meo

"World's largest drum" - or at least largest "practical and played" drum, over 10 feet tall. Those drummers must get dizzy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xej7JDJ4lLs


And finally, just to show that women CAN play trombone (grrrrrl power):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2t19NeJjrDI

No One Loves Dragons

I was talking to my mother the other day, and things drifted into my work in writing. I was feeling excited about my progress when she burst my bubble. "Your father just mentioned the other day that you never publish ANYTHING." That's not completely true, but no novels yet. That comment left me feeling insulted. I mean, here I've got an awesome 12-novel series, but I swore not to publish the first book until I was done with the entire arc, since I keep changing things. If I publish Book One, I'm locked into that world setting. I want the freedom to be able to completely change a character's background.

It's not that I'm NOT WORKING. Many writers say that for a long novel--not a 150 page teen novel, but a 600 page behemoth--finishing it in three years is pretty darn good. Many take five or more years. Well, I started work on Book 3 in 2003 (the first two books were written in the 90s). I'm now in the process of writing Book 12. That means, in six years, I've written nine 600+ page books. Plus add in Blue Fire Dragon, which I finished last year. So that makes ten books in six years. TEN! Around 6,000 pages in 6 years.

Honestly, I have no life.

However, Mom was right. All this writing does no good if it's sitting within my laptop and not on the shelves of Barnes and Noble. So far, only myself and Matt have read my stories. He loves them, but he's biased.

I react to criticism with stubbornness, so I spent all morning searching literary agents, determined that, at the very least, I could thrust Blue Fire Dragon out there and see if they want the rest of the trilogy. In this business, publishers are closing their doors to unrepresented writers, so an agent has become as necessary as a Bachelor degree. Besides, I do NOT want to deal with legal crap. I would gladly fork over 15% to keep out of that mess.

The problem is, no one wants dragon stories. I've searched so many agencies, and many either hint that they are not looking for high fantasy, or flat out state "no swords-and-dragons." This post in the New Literary Agents Blog points out that the dragon genre has become saturated, so that even if you write an outstanding book, no publishers want it. Unless, of course, it's a children's fantasy, which Blue Fire Dragon most certainly is not. One of the main characters is a harlot, there are themes of racism, incest, animal cruelty, communism, and a touch of mysticism, plus a couple of the characters in the second book are lesbians. Honestly, it's not the type of book I'd want my mother to read, but I'm proud of how I handled these issues.

No love for dragons!

So who do I turn to now?

I decided to research Dragonriders of Pern. I've never read the series, worried that people might say I copied some other author. I now think maybe I SHOULD read a few dragon novels to ensure that I didn't inadvertently steal ideas. That's besides the point! Donald Maass Literary Agency represented Todd McCaffrey (son of Anne McCaffrey and currently continuing the Pern series), so I'm looking into them. Maybe they too have had their fill of dragons. Maybe they've been waiting for a fantasy/romance with a love triangle that involves a racial minority, a landless princess, and a professional harlot.

Man, that makes the novel sound really lame.

Still, I'm nervous about committing a novel for publication. My parents would hate most of what I write, since I like to tackle controversial issues. I fear public events, so things like book signings would be nerve-wracking. I know a dozen rejections is normal, but I fear such dismissal. What if they want to completely rework my lovely plot? What if it's published and flops? What if I'm scammed? Would the economy affect sales? Probably all typical fears of first-time authors, but it's definitely holding me back from simply submitting.

Are there any writers out there with suggestions on how I should proceed? I've read all the "what to look out for" forums and have a book on how to pick a literary agent, but I'm lacking in the confidence department right now. Hints on writing query letters? Advice? Encouragement? Cookies?

Not In Vain!

Some people argue that there is no point to human existence. In the scope of the universe, we are nothing more than a heartbeat, a blink of the eye, thus in the grand scope of Time and Existence, we are nothing, inconsequential, with no real purpose. What we do makes no difference, since who will have remembered such troubling circumstances in ten years, let alone ten generations, ten millennia, ten epochs.

Good and evil, right and wrong, they are all arbitrary distinctions society devised to restrict what it deemed to be taboo behaviors, each depending upon environment, history, religious constructs, whimsies of the elite. They do not improve human nature, but restrict freedoms, a form of slavery society accepts since we are told that the alternative is anarchy, chaos, death, or damnation. Therefore, there is no such thing as "morality" and "virtue." Our decisions hold no other meaning that that which we give them. There is no true or false, since all are relative and subjective to the rules of society. No objective truth exists! Pontus Pilate famously questioned "What is truth?" Jesus never answered. Why? Because there is no answer to such subjective questions.

This is a crappy paraphrasing of postmodern nihilism, but hopefully I make my point. We exist in the moment between moments as eternity blinks out another century. No one knows how long we have to fulfill all the dreams we wish to make into reality. We rush Time in a race we know we cannot win. We follow rules because it is expected. We react in a scripted manner, predestined by rulers Eternity has forgotten.

When faced with the pressure to react to the decisions that must be made, however vital or mundane, we can either reject such responsibility, since, in the end, what does it matter... or we can rise to the challenge, cast aside the chains of conformity, and press on without thought to whether it matters or not.

Perhaps no one will ever know the deeds we perform. Perhaps they will be written down and recalled for a brief heartbeat in time. Lauded as a Robin Hood hero. Despised as the next Hitler. We take a chance in the choices we make, especially when we chose to go against conformity. The price of such freedom is too great for many.

Maybe the Borg are right and resistance is futile; we are merely avoiding the inevitable. Often, we will strive, fight, and race our hardest only to find failure or incompletion. However, the alternative is to give up, give in, and prove those nihilists right, that we really don't mean anything in the scope of Time. The best we can do is continue, to keep dreaming, and to work for our dreams.

If the actions I take bring me one step closer to reaching my goal, one more day to spend time with those I love, one fleeting moment in eternity to smile at friends and hug family, then it will be worth the struggle. It will not be in vain!

Caffeine Rush... Can you take it?

I was looking up for caffeine content in drinks, trying to find the name of the tea that has really super high caffeine. Instead, I found some drinks that would literally knock your socks off, if not cause a stroke.

Coca-Cola: 2.88 mg caffeine per ounce (good baseline)
Pepsi: 3.17mg/oz... yet another reason why Pepsi is better than Coke.
Mountain Dew: 4.58mg/oz... weak!
Red Bull: 9.64mg/oz... meh...
Monster: 10mg/oz... boring
Rockstar: 10mg/oz... yawn
Jolt: 11.91mg/oz... actually weaker than coffee

Regular brewed coffee: 13.44mg/oz
Starbucks Doubleshot: 20mg/oz
Wired: 21.5mg/oz
Spike Shooter: 35.71mg/oz
Espresso: 55.44mg/oz

Here are the fun ones:

Boo-Koo - 15mg/oz, but one of the highest caffeine amounts per can (it's a big can, 360mg for the whole thing... weeee)

Fuel Cell - 90mg/oz, pure caffeine... with Splenda!

Mana Energy Potion - 118.52mg/oz, plus you'll have Zelda's theme song in your head all day.

Redline Power Rush- 140mg/oz, must be over 18... nice when your energy drink is like an R-rated movie.

Ammo - 171mg/oz... "We do not support or recommend you being an idiot and drinking this straight"... so why sell it that way?

Fixx Extreme 5ml - 400mg of weeeee (I loved reading this review, too. I think the writer was still on a buzz).
The energy drink version of this is now discontinued. I wonder why!!!
I read a review that 2 drinks can kill a 15-year-old kid, and it also tastes like crap. No duh! Concentrate liquid caffeine isn't meant to taste like Hawaiian Punch.

And here's the one that left my jaw dropped:

Fixx - 2352.94mg/oz... omg!!!
This comes in a small package. 0.17 oz, 400mg of caffeine in the package... it'll give you wings, alright!
It's like... a gel... thing... stuff. Apparently doesn't taste half bad. One reviewer suggested, if you're used to "only" Red Bull, Rockstar, and Monster, take only half a package.

Eye Color

I was looking up on eye color. Whenever I fill out official forms and they ask for "eye color," I usually put either blue or hazel, depending on my mood. Once, someone looked and said, "You don't have any brown in your eyes, so they can't be hazel." My reply: "Today I don't. Tomorrow I might."

My eyes are just weird. Many people with hazel eyes claim they change color, whereas really it's just certain colors are "brought out" by other factors: clothing color, sunlight, etc. Hazel eyes have green, gray, and brown, so different colors can be highlighted.

I've compared photos of my eyes. They really do change color. Not just a little. I mean A LOT.

The first time anyone really notice my "chameleon eyes" was on my sister's wedding. I was a bridesmaid, and the dress was bright emerald green. As we were getting ready, my mom stopped me, stared at my face, and went, "Robyn, you're eyes are GREEN." I looked in the mirror. My eyes were totally emerald, no blue at all. This wasn't "bringing out" some specks of green already present. My eyes were never that color before in my life.

Another day, I was wearing a red dress. The friends I was with didn't really know me well enough to notice anything, but they kept staring. I finally had to ask (fearing I had something stuck in my teeth). They said my eyes were purple. I laughed. Was I suddenly some weird anime character? Then I went to the bathroom, and sure enough, my eyes had turned a brownish shade of lavender. It was actually a little disturbing. I wish I could find the picture of that day.

Lately, my eyes have turned steely gray, nearly silver, and even some amber flecks pop up once in a while. One picture I have of me wearing a burgundy dress, my eyes honestly look brown.

I'm not the only one in my family with odd eyes. I have an aunt whose eyes change color depending on her mood. If they go green... watch out!

Perhaps I can blame genetics. My father has blue eyes. My mother has dark brown. Her father had blue eyes, her mother brown. Of my siblings, three have dark brown eyes, one has hazel which are usually more greenish, and I have the freaky blue eyes that will change at a moment's notice. Blue, gray, emerald, lavender, amber, you name it.

In the research I've done, eyes are not supposed to do that, not suddenly, at least. Eye color can change around puberty, like from blue to hazel, but not after wearing something for a few hours.

Maybe I should wear a rainbow tie-dye and see what happens.