People on my fanfiction sites have asked why I'm not updating as frequently. I'd love to have
some tragic reason that makes all of you pity me, but that's not the
case. My husband has me utterly addicted to Star Wars: The Old Republic,
on The Harbinger server, in case you play too. Between my Consular
"Rhov" and my Smuggler "Nikolai'Hel" I'm having way too much fun. (Note:
I play a male smuggler, my hubby plays a female Jedi...gender-bender
RP'ing FTW!)
I've also been busy with Christmas stuff, including
my hubby's birthday, relatives visiting from out-of-state, Hanukkah
(in-laws are Jewish), many small ensemble performances, Christmas
caroling, potluck parties (I always cook green bean casserole and people
eagerly look forward to it, which I think is bizarre), and tomorrow I
perform on trombone in a concert with my local symphonic band. Also, in
one week I'll be flying back home to Los Angeles, enjoying the Hollywood
sites, the sunny Southern California beaches, going to Disneyland since
my brother works there and can get me in for free, and spending 8 of
those 12 days of Christmas with friends and family. I'll be on vacation
until after the New Year. I might get some writing done, but I doubt it.
So that's my lame excuse for laziness: gaming, partying, performing, cooking, and vacationing.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Monday, November 05, 2012
Nanowrimo 2012
It's that time of year again. I'm participating in National Novel
Writing Month, otherwise known as Nanowrimo. During the month of
November, I will be attempting to write a 50,000-word novel in 30 days.
It's my 7th year participating. Lucky seven, I hope!
If any of you want to be writing buddies, I would love to join you in the insanity. My username is Rhov.
If you have a novel you want to work on and think a competition like this is a good excuse to focus on it, it's not too late to join in. It's lots of fun, especially if you get really involved, meet up with local writers at write-ins, and make acquaintance with the people in your region through the forums. Sometimes I write so much in the forums that I get too distracted from my novel.
So please excuse me as I take a break from writing fanfiction during this month. Random one-shots might spring out from my over-worked Muse, but otherwise my life is focused around my novel. It's called Trombones Are Blue, about a girl with synesthesia, a condition I have where I hear colors and see sounds. In my story, her way of experiencing the world causes her to be bullied and outcast. Still, she struggles on and in defiance of the kaleidoscopic chaos, she joins the school band. Although petite, she wants to play the trombone (which I play) because "trombones are blue."
Rough concept of a book cover.
If any of you want to be writing buddies, I would love to join you in the insanity. My username is Rhov.
If you have a novel you want to work on and think a competition like this is a good excuse to focus on it, it's not too late to join in. It's lots of fun, especially if you get really involved, meet up with local writers at write-ins, and make acquaintance with the people in your region through the forums. Sometimes I write so much in the forums that I get too distracted from my novel.
So please excuse me as I take a break from writing fanfiction during this month. Random one-shots might spring out from my over-worked Muse, but otherwise my life is focused around my novel. It's called Trombones Are Blue, about a girl with synesthesia, a condition I have where I hear colors and see sounds. In my story, her way of experiencing the world causes her to be bullied and outcast. Still, she struggles on and in defiance of the kaleidoscopic chaos, she joins the school band. Although petite, she wants to play the trombone (which I play) because "trombones are blue."
Rough concept of a book cover.
Tuesday, October 02, 2012
Wedding Bells Still Ringing
Today is my wedding anniversary.
Seven years of bliss, rarely an argument, never a fight, and we have never spent more than 24 hours apart in those seven years. Instead of that being annoying, we both get a small sense of dread when it seems like one of us might be sent away for training, conferences, or family business. We still sleep in the same bed, we grab each others' butts when we pass one another in the kitchen, we cutely hold hands while walking together, and I still blush if he kisses me in public.
"Seven year itch?" We have our own cure. LOVE!
(And the honeymoon ain't over, folks!)
Seven years of bliss, rarely an argument, never a fight, and we have never spent more than 24 hours apart in those seven years. Instead of that being annoying, we both get a small sense of dread when it seems like one of us might be sent away for training, conferences, or family business. We still sleep in the same bed, we grab each others' butts when we pass one another in the kitchen, we cutely hold hands while walking together, and I still blush if he kisses me in public.
"Seven year itch?" We have our own cure. LOVE!
(And the honeymoon ain't over, folks!)
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
We Can't Forget
I clearly remember this day, 2001. I was in college, and I had just left tutoring in the math department (I suck at math). I went outside, called my boyfriend (now husband) up on the cellphone, told him I was done, I was free until afternoon, and maybe we could get lunch. That was when he told me. I remember I had been merrily walking down the broad staircase from that math building, feeling cheery, when his voice came over the phone pitched higher than usual. "They've flown planes into the World Trade Center," he cried out in a panic. "The Pentagon's been hit too. They think there are other planes going to crash into places. It's World War Three!" he screamed, perhaps exaggerating, but I could hear he was terrified.
I stopped dead in my tracks in the middle of that broad stairway. I almost stumbled and fell as my head plummeted and the world seemed to tilt off its axis. "...That's not funny."
"Babe...this is no joke. Have you really not heard the news?"
I had noticed crowds around the computers in the math lab, but I thought it was some new program a geek wrote. Standing on those stairs, and I had a good view of the area. Only then did I notice groups huddled and crying, people wandering aimlessly with empty eyes, and pale faces looking stunned beyond the ability to think.>
"...The Pentagon?" I asked in a quavering voice.
Face it, before 9/11 the idea of flying planes into the Twin Towers was not unknown. It was a plot device used in movies and TV shows. I assure you, you will NEVER see those episodes on the air again!
So for those of us at the time, it seemed...stereotypical! Too "Hollywood" to really be happening.
But the Pentagon! At hearing about the WTC, I truly thought he was joking, but that...that's serious shit. You don't mess with the goddamn Pentagon!
"Honey, I'm picking you up. Classes will likely be cancelled anyway. They're talking about suicide bombers on buses and trains. I don't want you on that city bus. Stay on campus. I'm on my way. NOW!"
Suddenly, I joined the ranks of blank-eyed students. I wandered toward the parking lot and tried to process this information. Most of you seeing this were too young. You heard about 9/11 in school history class. Maybe...maaaybe you sort of remember your parents speaking in hushed voices. It's "history" to you.
But on that day, it felt like there would be no future. Time stopped. Our lives stopped. Airplanes grounded, trains stopped, schools closed, no one left their homes. For the next few days, people feared all-out war.
I went to my boyfriend's place just in time to see the Towers collapse. I'm a writer, and I honestly can't describe the chill and numbed disbelief that hit us all when we saw that. The scene has been replayed so much, younger people are immune to it, but when we saw it the first time.....
I would say we all prayed. All of us. Either to God, Allah, Buddha, a goddess, a higher power, or to that which we didn't believe in before that day... we all cried out in anguish for this to not be true, to wake up, to let this horrific nightmare stop...just STOP... please God, don't let any more people die!
And then the other Tower fell. Our prayers were not answered. There was no Superman or Captain America to save us that day. We were abandoned, left to fight this tragedy on our own. We realized how childish our country can be, sitting by our TVs as we watch the chaos in "other countries" and shrugging that it wasn't affecting us, so why worry. That day, the eyes of the world were on us, and we felt like the child-country we really are. Hell visited America that day, and we were watching the flames burn away our innocence.
I truly don't remember the rest of that day. It was a Tuesday, like today. My boyfriend drove me home. The freeways were empty for once. At home, my sister was in hysterics. She had been on a business call with someone in the Towers when the first plane struck, and she realized that the man likely died on impact. A friend lived in NYC across the river; he witnessed the whole thing and was helping to shelter survivors who fled over the bridge on foot. A cousin lived mere blocks away from the WTC, and we were terrified for her (she was safe, thankfully). I didn't go to school the next day. I got a call from the dean's office that the college would be closed all week. Like I said, time stopped, and all of America was waiting, left hanging, frightened at what more would strike us.
I think NOT having anything else happen was stressful too. We were waiting, expecting it. We were loading our guns, those same guns the government had been trying to take from us. If terrorists were coming to American shores, by God we would meet them head on and send them to Hell!
Nothing happened. We mourned. We heard stories of heroes. We wondered "who did this to us" and not knowing who to blame, who to punish, who to direct our collective RAGE toward was frustrating too. There was an enemy out there, and we didn't know WHO! Despite the uncertainties that hung in the air over the following days and weeks, America united unlike it had ever done in decades, probably since World War II. Flags waved from every car. People wore black bands around their arms (I still have mine). Bands played "America the Beautiful" to start every concert. For the first time in my life, I saw what it meant to be the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
"United" indeed!
If you live in America, you'll see lots of "Never Forget" signs today, but for those of us old enough to have truly lived through it, forgetting is impossible. Even when we sometimes want to...we can't! That bloody, fiery day of death and destruction, when terrorists thought they could rip out the very heart of America, indeed left a scar on our hearts.
But you know what? Scars make us stronger. Scars remind us.
We CAN'T forget!
I stopped dead in my tracks in the middle of that broad stairway. I almost stumbled and fell as my head plummeted and the world seemed to tilt off its axis. "...That's not funny."
"Babe...this is no joke. Have you really not heard the news?"
I had noticed crowds around the computers in the math lab, but I thought it was some new program a geek wrote. Standing on those stairs, and I had a good view of the area. Only then did I notice groups huddled and crying, people wandering aimlessly with empty eyes, and pale faces looking stunned beyond the ability to think.>
"...The Pentagon?" I asked in a quavering voice.
Face it, before 9/11 the idea of flying planes into the Twin Towers was not unknown. It was a plot device used in movies and TV shows. I assure you, you will NEVER see those episodes on the air again!
So for those of us at the time, it seemed...stereotypical! Too "Hollywood" to really be happening.
But the Pentagon! At hearing about the WTC, I truly thought he was joking, but that...that's serious shit. You don't mess with the goddamn Pentagon!
"Honey, I'm picking you up. Classes will likely be cancelled anyway. They're talking about suicide bombers on buses and trains. I don't want you on that city bus. Stay on campus. I'm on my way. NOW!"
Suddenly, I joined the ranks of blank-eyed students. I wandered toward the parking lot and tried to process this information. Most of you seeing this were too young. You heard about 9/11 in school history class. Maybe...maaaybe you sort of remember your parents speaking in hushed voices. It's "history" to you.
But on that day, it felt like there would be no future. Time stopped. Our lives stopped. Airplanes grounded, trains stopped, schools closed, no one left their homes. For the next few days, people feared all-out war.
I went to my boyfriend's place just in time to see the Towers collapse. I'm a writer, and I honestly can't describe the chill and numbed disbelief that hit us all when we saw that. The scene has been replayed so much, younger people are immune to it, but when we saw it the first time.....
I would say we all prayed. All of us. Either to God, Allah, Buddha, a goddess, a higher power, or to that which we didn't believe in before that day... we all cried out in anguish for this to not be true, to wake up, to let this horrific nightmare stop...just STOP... please God, don't let any more people die!
And then the other Tower fell. Our prayers were not answered. There was no Superman or Captain America to save us that day. We were abandoned, left to fight this tragedy on our own. We realized how childish our country can be, sitting by our TVs as we watch the chaos in "other countries" and shrugging that it wasn't affecting us, so why worry. That day, the eyes of the world were on us, and we felt like the child-country we really are. Hell visited America that day, and we were watching the flames burn away our innocence.
I truly don't remember the rest of that day. It was a Tuesday, like today. My boyfriend drove me home. The freeways were empty for once. At home, my sister was in hysterics. She had been on a business call with someone in the Towers when the first plane struck, and she realized that the man likely died on impact. A friend lived in NYC across the river; he witnessed the whole thing and was helping to shelter survivors who fled over the bridge on foot. A cousin lived mere blocks away from the WTC, and we were terrified for her (she was safe, thankfully). I didn't go to school the next day. I got a call from the dean's office that the college would be closed all week. Like I said, time stopped, and all of America was waiting, left hanging, frightened at what more would strike us.
I think NOT having anything else happen was stressful too. We were waiting, expecting it. We were loading our guns, those same guns the government had been trying to take from us. If terrorists were coming to American shores, by God we would meet them head on and send them to Hell!
Nothing happened. We mourned. We heard stories of heroes. We wondered "who did this to us" and not knowing who to blame, who to punish, who to direct our collective RAGE toward was frustrating too. There was an enemy out there, and we didn't know WHO! Despite the uncertainties that hung in the air over the following days and weeks, America united unlike it had ever done in decades, probably since World War II. Flags waved from every car. People wore black bands around their arms (I still have mine). Bands played "America the Beautiful" to start every concert. For the first time in my life, I saw what it meant to be the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
"United" indeed!
If you live in America, you'll see lots of "Never Forget" signs today, but for those of us old enough to have truly lived through it, forgetting is impossible. Even when we sometimes want to...we can't! That bloody, fiery day of death and destruction, when terrorists thought they could rip out the very heart of America, indeed left a scar on our hearts.
But you know what? Scars make us stronger. Scars remind us.
We CAN'T forget!
Saturday, May 05, 2012
America Needs An Enemy
I wrote this to a friend in China, so I thought I'd repost it here.
I think America feels it needs an enemy, doesn't matter who or what. This is just my opinion, but when you look through American history, that's how we always are.
The British were the enemies, and we broke away from English rule. Then Native Americans were all enemies, so White people massacred them and stole their lands. Then the Mexicans were enemies and we stole half of Mexico from them (most Americans don't realize this).
Then when we couldn't find anyone to hate, we hated ourselves, and the Civil War between North and South broke out. It wasn't originally over slavery like schools teach, but they were fighting because the South didn't want to be part of America anymore due to economic reasons.
Then it was any immigrant, like when famine drove the Irish to flee to America in droves, people despised all Irish and wouldn't give them jobs, then it was Jewish people fleeing Russia and coming in boatloads to America.
Then we had the two World Wars and we had a real enemy. Hate Germans! Hate Nazis! Hate Japanese!
Then the Cold War and it was Russia who was the enemy, and any Communist sympathizer was certainly a spy! Then Korea, then Vietnam for no other reason than they supported Russia. Really stupid wars!
Then Russia was our friend and people wanted something else to be the enemy, so we went back to hating immigrants, mostly Mexicans. Now it's Islamic extremists, and America's raring to go to war with anyone, even countries that have little to do with the attack on 9-11. Now it seems that's all cleared up, and people are looking at warlords in Africa, or threats from North Korea, anything!
We're willing to turn anyone, even ourselves, into enemies. Blacks versus Whites! Republicans versus Democrats! North versus South! Perhaps it's because we're a competitive society. We love ball games because we can cheer on our team. You can't like both the Yankees and the Dodgers in baseball, and if you cheer for both teams, you're a traitor to each. We're driven by seeing things in black and white, enemies and allies, right and wrong, good and evil. Those who appease to both sides, toe the line, sit on the fence, are seen as weak.
America needs an enemy! We love having a superhero who saves the day. We thrive when we can pretend we're the good guy, the hero, Captain America fighting evil around the world! And it doesn't matter what we deem to be "evil."
I think America feels it needs an enemy, doesn't matter who or what. This is just my opinion, but when you look through American history, that's how we always are.
The British were the enemies, and we broke away from English rule. Then Native Americans were all enemies, so White people massacred them and stole their lands. Then the Mexicans were enemies and we stole half of Mexico from them (most Americans don't realize this).
Then when we couldn't find anyone to hate, we hated ourselves, and the Civil War between North and South broke out. It wasn't originally over slavery like schools teach, but they were fighting because the South didn't want to be part of America anymore due to economic reasons.
Then it was any immigrant, like when famine drove the Irish to flee to America in droves, people despised all Irish and wouldn't give them jobs, then it was Jewish people fleeing Russia and coming in boatloads to America.
Then we had the two World Wars and we had a real enemy. Hate Germans! Hate Nazis! Hate Japanese!
Then the Cold War and it was Russia who was the enemy, and any Communist sympathizer was certainly a spy! Then Korea, then Vietnam for no other reason than they supported Russia. Really stupid wars!
Then Russia was our friend and people wanted something else to be the enemy, so we went back to hating immigrants, mostly Mexicans. Now it's Islamic extremists, and America's raring to go to war with anyone, even countries that have little to do with the attack on 9-11. Now it seems that's all cleared up, and people are looking at warlords in Africa, or threats from North Korea, anything!
We're willing to turn anyone, even ourselves, into enemies. Blacks versus Whites! Republicans versus Democrats! North versus South! Perhaps it's because we're a competitive society. We love ball games because we can cheer on our team. You can't like both the Yankees and the Dodgers in baseball, and if you cheer for both teams, you're a traitor to each. We're driven by seeing things in black and white, enemies and allies, right and wrong, good and evil. Those who appease to both sides, toe the line, sit on the fence, are seen as weak.
America needs an enemy! We love having a superhero who saves the day. We thrive when we can pretend we're the good guy, the hero, Captain America fighting evil around the world! And it doesn't matter what we deem to be "evil."
Tuesday, May 01, 2012
Trombones Are Blue: A Loud Look Into Synesthesia
An A is red.
It'll always be red.
That's what they said.
But at least for me
It's just an A I see.
That's what's in my head.
"It's not that form of synesthesia," I said.
Yet play on a horn or a violin
And suddenly the fireworks begin.
The A is orange, B-flat always yellow
Unless it is played by a tuba fellow.
Then it turns into purplish-green.
At least that's what I've seen.
My trombone is blue,
My favorite hue,
That's why I love to play an F.
For F is blue too
And when blue meets blue,
All is at peace in the bass clef.
In band, it's a kaleidoscope,
A tripping-out rainbow of hope
Smothering me in crayon-chaos cacophony.
At each rehearsal, I drown in the anomaly.
Each instrument is a hue that colors each note,
Like Skittles bubbling out of a singer's throat.
Birdsong is yellow, forests are blue.
(Don't let the green leaves fool you!)
So when birds fill the woody scene,
It all turns into brilliant green
Like the leaves in the trees,
And I hear a clarinet in the breeze.
They say my world is unique,
But it seems all so bleak
To imagine autumn not being brassy
Or red not sounding classy.
I see and hear the world differently than you,
And in my world, trombones are blue.
It'll always be red.
That's what they said.
But at least for me
It's just an A I see.
That's what's in my head.
"It's not that form of synesthesia," I said.
Yet play on a horn or a violin
And suddenly the fireworks begin.
The A is orange, B-flat always yellow
Unless it is played by a tuba fellow.
Then it turns into purplish-green.
At least that's what I've seen.
My trombone is blue,
My favorite hue,
That's why I love to play an F.
For F is blue too
And when blue meets blue,
All is at peace in the bass clef.
In band, it's a kaleidoscope,
A tripping-out rainbow of hope
Smothering me in crayon-chaos cacophony.
At each rehearsal, I drown in the anomaly.
Each instrument is a hue that colors each note,
Like Skittles bubbling out of a singer's throat.
Birdsong is yellow, forests are blue.
(Don't let the green leaves fool you!)
So when birds fill the woody scene,
It all turns into brilliant green
Like the leaves in the trees,
And I hear a clarinet in the breeze.
They say my world is unique,
But it seems all so bleak
To imagine autumn not being brassy
Or red not sounding classy.
I see and hear the world differently than you,
And in my world, trombones are blue.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Losing is Sometimes Good
I've been on a bit of a forced diet: i.e. had my teeth yanked and still on mostly soft foods. I'm back to my normal eating more or less. I wouldn't say I can chew a thick steak, but chicken and pastas are about what I eat normally anyway.
I had to be weighed before the surgery. 162. I know, never ask a girl her weight, and I'm not happy with that weight. I was up to 170 just after the winter holidays, so it's slowly going down...slowly...too damn slowly! So now, 162... it's within normal range for my height and body-frame, but of course I don't want to be hugging that upper number. I want to be normal, maybe even a tad thin.
When wearing clothes, I don't look fat. My height covers up the chubbiness. I'm the tallest girl of all my friends, big-boned too (no, really, my bones are big and my shoulders are broad). My friends all tell me how I haven't gained weight since high school. How wrong they are! I was 120 and considered "severely underweight" for my body size. The lack of fat around my vital organs was causing medical problems. An emergency high-fat diet was ordered by a nutritionist. I probably didn't need it. College packed the pounds on for me quite nicely. Between having a doctor order my mother to put butter on everything she gave me, and then ending up with a diet made mostly of vending machine food and high-octane sodas, those pounds never came off. I needn't worry about low-fat-ratios anymore. Put me in a bathing suit and the cellulite is like some monster in a horror movie ready to jiggle its way into leveling Tokyo.
What they removed in my operation was far under a pound, although I felt like I bled a gallon. Ugh! The diet was a good idea, I figured. Maybe eating less would balance out the fact that I was stuck in bed and couldn't go out on my usual walks due to severe anemia.
It was a little better than that.
I recently weighed myself again. 157. That might not seem like much, but that's the first time I've been under 160 since getting married. That's 5 pounds I've lost in 2 weeks. That's FIVE POUNDS I lost while sitting on my ass and doing next to nothing. No exercising, no walks, I wasn't even allowed to bend over lest I start hemorrhaging.
Best of all, I find myself simply not hungry. I may eat two meals a day...maybe. Sometimes coffee and a yogurt are more than enough to get my through until dinner. It's not that I'm starving myself. My stomach simply shrank. I eat less food and less frequently. Chinese takeout, which I used to scarf down in no time, now lasts for two meals. The fact that I have to eat so slowly due to surgery in my mouth and face helps as well.
I can't wait to see how my weight continues to drop as I'm finally able to add in my hikes through the hills into this new eating style.
I had to be weighed before the surgery. 162. I know, never ask a girl her weight, and I'm not happy with that weight. I was up to 170 just after the winter holidays, so it's slowly going down...slowly...too damn slowly! So now, 162... it's within normal range for my height and body-frame, but of course I don't want to be hugging that upper number. I want to be normal, maybe even a tad thin.
When wearing clothes, I don't look fat. My height covers up the chubbiness. I'm the tallest girl of all my friends, big-boned too (no, really, my bones are big and my shoulders are broad). My friends all tell me how I haven't gained weight since high school. How wrong they are! I was 120 and considered "severely underweight" for my body size. The lack of fat around my vital organs was causing medical problems. An emergency high-fat diet was ordered by a nutritionist. I probably didn't need it. College packed the pounds on for me quite nicely. Between having a doctor order my mother to put butter on everything she gave me, and then ending up with a diet made mostly of vending machine food and high-octane sodas, those pounds never came off. I needn't worry about low-fat-ratios anymore. Put me in a bathing suit and the cellulite is like some monster in a horror movie ready to jiggle its way into leveling Tokyo.
What they removed in my operation was far under a pound, although I felt like I bled a gallon. Ugh! The diet was a good idea, I figured. Maybe eating less would balance out the fact that I was stuck in bed and couldn't go out on my usual walks due to severe anemia.
It was a little better than that.
I recently weighed myself again. 157. That might not seem like much, but that's the first time I've been under 160 since getting married. That's 5 pounds I've lost in 2 weeks. That's FIVE POUNDS I lost while sitting on my ass and doing next to nothing. No exercising, no walks, I wasn't even allowed to bend over lest I start hemorrhaging.
Best of all, I find myself simply not hungry. I may eat two meals a day...maybe. Sometimes coffee and a yogurt are more than enough to get my through until dinner. It's not that I'm starving myself. My stomach simply shrank. I eat less food and less frequently. Chinese takeout, which I used to scarf down in no time, now lasts for two meals. The fact that I have to eat so slowly due to surgery in my mouth and face helps as well.
I can't wait to see how my weight continues to drop as I'm finally able to add in my hikes through the hills into this new eating style.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Denture Adventure Part 10
I skipped Sunday, simply because I wanted to end on a round number.
I went to the dentist. She was impressed that my gums have healed up so fast. for only 11 days after having 13 teeth removed, she said she's never seen someone heal so fast. She adjusted the dentures where I said they hurt worst, over the canker sore and where they did the frenulectomy. I think she shaved down the front part too much. If I grin big, you can see the divot. However, it feels so much better now. Just a little adjustment was all I needed. I asked about it stretching my upper lip too much, but that's something her office can't adjust. Basically, I have to put up with feeling like I have "monkey mouth" until the 6 month realignment. By then, my gums should have shrunk enough so that the dentures can be narrowed and the gums thinned down.
She also gave me Poligrip to hold it in place. These dentures fit so tight, I don't think I need it. When I took them out tonight, I discovered that denture adhesive is a really gross thing. Despite vigorous brushing, the goop did not want to leave my mouth. I had to scrape it off with my fingernail, something I don't want to do again until my mouth fully heals. I've also come to realize that the massive bloodclot that I thought was on the underside of my denture the first time I removed it was likely actually denture bonding goop...mixed with blood...really nasty just remembering what that looked like.
I bought some ointment for canker sores. I had to watch out that it did not have the killer benzocaine in it, but I found a good herbal brand. So hopefully that will help. I plan to show up to band tomorrow. I tried to play just a little. Obviously I won't be able to just pick up the trombone and play the blues, but it wasn't as horrendous as I feared. My low range is fine, the upper range is surprisingly good (I think because my upper lip is stretched) but the mid-range is really unstable. The pain in the front of my lip will be the biggest hurdle.
I may write one more "Denture Adventure" after a month or so. For now, eating soft food and just healing is all I need.
I went to the dentist. She was impressed that my gums have healed up so fast. for only 11 days after having 13 teeth removed, she said she's never seen someone heal so fast. She adjusted the dentures where I said they hurt worst, over the canker sore and where they did the frenulectomy. I think she shaved down the front part too much. If I grin big, you can see the divot. However, it feels so much better now. Just a little adjustment was all I needed. I asked about it stretching my upper lip too much, but that's something her office can't adjust. Basically, I have to put up with feeling like I have "monkey mouth" until the 6 month realignment. By then, my gums should have shrunk enough so that the dentures can be narrowed and the gums thinned down.
She also gave me Poligrip to hold it in place. These dentures fit so tight, I don't think I need it. When I took them out tonight, I discovered that denture adhesive is a really gross thing. Despite vigorous brushing, the goop did not want to leave my mouth. I had to scrape it off with my fingernail, something I don't want to do again until my mouth fully heals. I've also come to realize that the massive bloodclot that I thought was on the underside of my denture the first time I removed it was likely actually denture bonding goop...mixed with blood...really nasty just remembering what that looked like.
I bought some ointment for canker sores. I had to watch out that it did not have the killer benzocaine in it, but I found a good herbal brand. So hopefully that will help. I plan to show up to band tomorrow. I tried to play just a little. Obviously I won't be able to just pick up the trombone and play the blues, but it wasn't as horrendous as I feared. My low range is fine, the upper range is surprisingly good (I think because my upper lip is stretched) but the mid-range is really unstable. The pain in the front of my lip will be the biggest hurdle.
I may write one more "Denture Adventure" after a month or so. For now, eating soft food and just healing is all I need.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Denture Adventure Part 9
Things were a little better today. I still only wear my dentures when I must. I ate a lot easier today, nothing that takes too much chewing. I'll ease my way into these damn denture.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Denture Adventure, Part 8
It's Friday, now one solid week since my Dental Armageddon. Luckily, my mouth isn't quite so painful today as it has been the past couple days. It's odd how the pain comes and goes.
Since I was told to wear the dentures as much as possible so my healing mouth retains its shape, I forced myself to put them in this morning. That involved about five minutes of easing them in over aching gums, canker sores, and healing incisions around my lips from the frenulectomy. I had to use our little neck massager to vibrate the sensation out of my face as the denture settled in. Once firmly in place with all the air suctioned out, I don't feel quite so bad. It's convincing the canker sores to accept something hard pressed against them... that is the challenging part, and it takes a few minutes.
The very last stitch came out. It had been bugging me for a while, located right where the gum and upper lip meet. I dared not pull it out earlier since the frenulectomy was the most painful part of this whole ordeal, but it was poking me too much, a broken fragment of the stitch threaded through my lip. I noticed this afternoon that the skin was growing over the knotted end, so it needed to go. I sterilized some tweezers, took hold of the knot, and pulled that last fragment out. That was painful, and once again I have to do all this without Oral Gel since I'm allergic to anything that numbs. That's where whiskey comes in handy. LOL!
I went a lot easier on eating today. My adventure with fixing pasta and trying to chew only proved that I'm not ready for that yet. Back to yogurt and soup.
Since I was told to wear the dentures as much as possible so my healing mouth retains its shape, I forced myself to put them in this morning. That involved about five minutes of easing them in over aching gums, canker sores, and healing incisions around my lips from the frenulectomy. I had to use our little neck massager to vibrate the sensation out of my face as the denture settled in. Once firmly in place with all the air suctioned out, I don't feel quite so bad. It's convincing the canker sores to accept something hard pressed against them... that is the challenging part, and it takes a few minutes.
The very last stitch came out. It had been bugging me for a while, located right where the gum and upper lip meet. I dared not pull it out earlier since the frenulectomy was the most painful part of this whole ordeal, but it was poking me too much, a broken fragment of the stitch threaded through my lip. I noticed this afternoon that the skin was growing over the knotted end, so it needed to go. I sterilized some tweezers, took hold of the knot, and pulled that last fragment out. That was painful, and once again I have to do all this without Oral Gel since I'm allergic to anything that numbs. That's where whiskey comes in handy. LOL!
I went a lot easier on eating today. My adventure with fixing pasta and trying to chew only proved that I'm not ready for that yet. Back to yogurt and soup.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Denture Adventure, Part 7
I think my husband is trying to torture me. He wanted pizza. Now don't get me wrong, I feel sorry for him being forced to eat only what I can. That's why we stocked up on frozen dinners he can make himself if he's so inclined as to eat more than soup and rice.
We decided to get Pizza Hut and order the chicken alfredo pasta dish for me. Of course, I couldn't chew the chicken, and even the pasta was hard considering my mouth has been immensely sore since yesterday.
I attempted to eat a breadstick. I mean, it's just BREAD, right? Well, I could eat the soft insides, but the outer crust had to be passed over to my husband.
Meanwhile, I could smell the pizza. Pure torture, I tell ya!
We decided to get Pizza Hut and order the chicken alfredo pasta dish for me. Of course, I couldn't chew the chicken, and even the pasta was hard considering my mouth has been immensely sore since yesterday.
I attempted to eat a breadstick. I mean, it's just BREAD, right? Well, I could eat the soft insides, but the outer crust had to be passed over to my husband.
Meanwhile, I could smell the pizza. Pure torture, I tell ya!
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Denture Adventure, Part 6
Why is it that my mouth seems to hurt worse today? I went most of the day not wearing my dentures, only putting them in when I had to eat. I see the dentist on Monday.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Denture Adventure, Part 5
Day 5 of wearing dentures. Not quite as bad spitting blood up in the morning, and I had no need for gauze at all today. My biggest problem is the discomfort of the swelling where they did the frenulectomy. The part behind where the front teeth were has swollen considerably, making wearing the dentures agonizing at times. There's also the issue of the mouth ulcer on my upper left canine area. The white blister has sunk in, so I guess it popped, but it hurts awfully bad, especially when I first put the denture in. It takes me a long time to ease it onto the gums and slowly adjust to the pain. Because of that, I plan to sleep with the denture out tonight.
I returned to all soft foods, no more experiments with chewing until this swelling goes down. Apple sauce, cream of wheat, lentil soup. I did attempt to suck on some Cheez-its just because I thought the salt might help. When part of the cracker hit one of the extraction holes, it hurt too bad. I won't be attempting that again. Lots of light swishing with salt water. And ice cream. Eating that without the dentures in felt good.
While eating dinner, two stitches came out on the bottom area. I inspected it, and that part looks almost completely healed.
Otherwise, I feel better. I even managed to make my husband breakfast and lunch, although that made me very dizzy. I've cut back a lot on pain meds since it was tearing up my stomach. I found a bottle of Vicodin from a previous medical procedure that are a lower dosage, so I'm taking them when the pain gets too bad. I'm currently sucking a teabag to help heal the upper extract areas, which still tend to bleed. Maybe it will take down the swelling of the frenulum area and the mouth ulcer.
I'm supposed to go into the dentist for a post-op checkup; however, since that involves hiking down the big hill we're living on and taking two buses, I've been putting it off. I'm far too dizzy for an outing like that. Still, I might call tomorrow to set one up, maybe for Thursday or next Monday, since the dentist is out on Fridays.
I still think the gums on the denture are set too low in the front. I have a gummy smile. It's not a problem with the denture so much as that's just how my face is. My upper lip is too small. Still, the extra plastic at the front of my mouth shrinks the amount of upper lip I have. I feel like I have monkey mouth, like my lips are puffed out, stretching to cover my teeth. Perhaps there's no way to really fix that problem with my new smile. I'd hate to do something that causes the denture to fit less tight. I really do like that solid fit, although it makes trying to take the denture out a challenge. I guess this must be discussed with the dentist.
I found out a friend's church has been praying for me, and I'm on a few prayer chains. That's very sweet! I'm not a Lutheran, but it's still sweet of them. Sadly, I missed band practice today, just slept through it. It's not like I can play trombone yet anyway, but I was looking forward to showing off my new smile to all my friends. At least when I go next week my face won't be bruised and swollen. Perhaps that will be better.
Hah! This is the first time in my life that I want to smile and show off my teeth!
I returned to all soft foods, no more experiments with chewing until this swelling goes down. Apple sauce, cream of wheat, lentil soup. I did attempt to suck on some Cheez-its just because I thought the salt might help. When part of the cracker hit one of the extraction holes, it hurt too bad. I won't be attempting that again. Lots of light swishing with salt water. And ice cream. Eating that without the dentures in felt good.
While eating dinner, two stitches came out on the bottom area. I inspected it, and that part looks almost completely healed.
Otherwise, I feel better. I even managed to make my husband breakfast and lunch, although that made me very dizzy. I've cut back a lot on pain meds since it was tearing up my stomach. I found a bottle of Vicodin from a previous medical procedure that are a lower dosage, so I'm taking them when the pain gets too bad. I'm currently sucking a teabag to help heal the upper extract areas, which still tend to bleed. Maybe it will take down the swelling of the frenulum area and the mouth ulcer.
I'm supposed to go into the dentist for a post-op checkup; however, since that involves hiking down the big hill we're living on and taking two buses, I've been putting it off. I'm far too dizzy for an outing like that. Still, I might call tomorrow to set one up, maybe for Thursday or next Monday, since the dentist is out on Fridays.
I still think the gums on the denture are set too low in the front. I have a gummy smile. It's not a problem with the denture so much as that's just how my face is. My upper lip is too small. Still, the extra plastic at the front of my mouth shrinks the amount of upper lip I have. I feel like I have monkey mouth, like my lips are puffed out, stretching to cover my teeth. Perhaps there's no way to really fix that problem with my new smile. I'd hate to do something that causes the denture to fit less tight. I really do like that solid fit, although it makes trying to take the denture out a challenge. I guess this must be discussed with the dentist.
I found out a friend's church has been praying for me, and I'm on a few prayer chains. That's very sweet! I'm not a Lutheran, but it's still sweet of them. Sadly, I missed band practice today, just slept through it. It's not like I can play trombone yet anyway, but I was looking forward to showing off my new smile to all my friends. At least when I go next week my face won't be bruised and swollen. Perhaps that will be better.
Hah! This is the first time in my life that I want to smile and show off my teeth!
Monday, April 09, 2012
Denture Adventure, Part 4
Day 4:
Still waking up running to the bathroom to spit out blood. Lately, I've kept a cup by my bed so I can spit up in the middle of the night.
I took my dentures out for a few hours. I read that after the first 72 hours, a person should let their gum tissue rest for at least 6 hours a day. However, when I put the denture back in, the fit was less than ideal. Perhaps due to the frenulectomy, the area in between where my front teeth were swelled up, the denture was painful on the back of the gum.
I also noticed that I've formed a mouth ulcer where the left canine used to be. I had an abscess in that area, so I can't tell if that was where the abscess used to be and that's why the gum is sore, or if it's due to a bad fit. I do recall that when the oral surgeon first inserted the denture, that was the area that hurt worst of all.
I'm no longer wearing gauze for the bottom extraction areas, but when I wasn't wearing the denture I noticed I'm still bleeding at the top. I'm swishing lightly with salt water hoping that will help heal the area. If bleeding continues, I'll try the teabag method. I have plenty of those around.
One good progress today was eating raviolis with meatballs. They were the canned variety, the meat was soft enough to break apart by smashing it with my tongue to the roof of my top denture, so very little chewing was involved. I needed to eat something more substantial since the pain medicine is still wrecking havoc with my stomach.
I'll try to sleep without gauze tonight. Hopefully I don't choke on blood.
Still waking up running to the bathroom to spit out blood. Lately, I've kept a cup by my bed so I can spit up in the middle of the night.
I took my dentures out for a few hours. I read that after the first 72 hours, a person should let their gum tissue rest for at least 6 hours a day. However, when I put the denture back in, the fit was less than ideal. Perhaps due to the frenulectomy, the area in between where my front teeth were swelled up, the denture was painful on the back of the gum.
I also noticed that I've formed a mouth ulcer where the left canine used to be. I had an abscess in that area, so I can't tell if that was where the abscess used to be and that's why the gum is sore, or if it's due to a bad fit. I do recall that when the oral surgeon first inserted the denture, that was the area that hurt worst of all.
I'm no longer wearing gauze for the bottom extraction areas, but when I wasn't wearing the denture I noticed I'm still bleeding at the top. I'm swishing lightly with salt water hoping that will help heal the area. If bleeding continues, I'll try the teabag method. I have plenty of those around.
One good progress today was eating raviolis with meatballs. They were the canned variety, the meat was soft enough to break apart by smashing it with my tongue to the roof of my top denture, so very little chewing was involved. I needed to eat something more substantial since the pain medicine is still wrecking havoc with my stomach.
I'll try to sleep without gauze tonight. Hopefully I don't choke on blood.
Sunday, April 08, 2012
Denture Adventure, Part 3
It's Easter and the 3rd day since my teeth were Raptured and I had a denture put in their place. We ran out of soy milk so I didn't get my Slim Fast shake. We're also out of yogurt. Apparently my husband was eating up the yogurt and puddings that were meant for me. Hopefully he does some shopping tomorrow, since everything closed early for the holiday.
The roof of my mouth began to itch so annoyingly, I finally had to pull the denture out. It wasn't quite 72 hours, but the itch was driving me nuts. It was a challenge to remove the first time. The fit was so tight, it simply did not want to come out. I had to rock the denture a bit before it loosened up. I scraped off the denture adhesive the oral surgeon applied and gave my new "teeth" a light brushing to get the dried blood away. I also brushed the roof of my mouth to get the denture goop off, plus some dried blood clots.
When I put the denture back in, it fit surprisingly well even without adhesive. However, the stitches from the frenulectomy didn't feel right with the denture in the way. I found myself taking the teeth out many times, lightly swishing with water (not enough to loosen the blood clots, just enough to get the extra blood away) and trying to fit the denture in ways to adjust around the stitches. It wasn't really successful; they still hurt. Now my mouth has swollen so much, it feels like it's squeezing the dentures and might crack them.
I also have a bruise forming on the right side of my cheek, likely from the two bottom teeth that were pulled. I read that this is normal.
The pain medication is starting to mess with my stomach. Despite making certain I have a bowl of cream of wheat before taking the Vicodin, my stomach has begun to hurt really bad. Pepito-Bismol did nothing. I decided to try bread and butter, tearing the bread up into tiny pieces I could just swallow, since chewing is still impossible. It helped some, but not much. I would say the pain in my stomach is worse than the pain in my mouth... and that's saying something!
Over all, probably the worst Easter of my life.
The roof of my mouth began to itch so annoyingly, I finally had to pull the denture out. It wasn't quite 72 hours, but the itch was driving me nuts. It was a challenge to remove the first time. The fit was so tight, it simply did not want to come out. I had to rock the denture a bit before it loosened up. I scraped off the denture adhesive the oral surgeon applied and gave my new "teeth" a light brushing to get the dried blood away. I also brushed the roof of my mouth to get the denture goop off, plus some dried blood clots.
When I put the denture back in, it fit surprisingly well even without adhesive. However, the stitches from the frenulectomy didn't feel right with the denture in the way. I found myself taking the teeth out many times, lightly swishing with water (not enough to loosen the blood clots, just enough to get the extra blood away) and trying to fit the denture in ways to adjust around the stitches. It wasn't really successful; they still hurt. Now my mouth has swollen so much, it feels like it's squeezing the dentures and might crack them.
I also have a bruise forming on the right side of my cheek, likely from the two bottom teeth that were pulled. I read that this is normal.
The pain medication is starting to mess with my stomach. Despite making certain I have a bowl of cream of wheat before taking the Vicodin, my stomach has begun to hurt really bad. Pepito-Bismol did nothing. I decided to try bread and butter, tearing the bread up into tiny pieces I could just swallow, since chewing is still impossible. It helped some, but not much. I would say the pain in my stomach is worse than the pain in my mouth... and that's saying something!
Over all, probably the worst Easter of my life.
Saturday, April 07, 2012
Denture Adventure, Part 2
It's the 2nd day. I woke up rushing to the bathroom to spit out a mouthful of blood. I then spent the rest of the day with an icepack on my face, trying to do as little as possible. I attempted to eat some oyster crackers in my cream of chicken soup, but I quickly realized I could not chew. At all! The roof of my mouth is starting to itch, but the denture blocks it. I really wanna pull it out, but I was sternly warned not to remove it for 72 hours. I'm still living on liquids and Vicodin.
Not much else to report for the second day. I slept mostly, and the Vicodin put a haze over everything else.
Not much else to report for the second day. I slept mostly, and the Vicodin put a haze over everything else.
Friday, April 06, 2012
Denture Adventure, Part 1
I just got top dentures today. I decided to keep a diary of sorts to see how this massive change to my face affects my life.
HOW MY TEETH GOT BAD
First, a little history. I have epilepsy and was put on the medication Tegritol from 1993-2008. In 2004 I was informed that the seizure medicine was softening my teeth, causing them to crack and making it easy to get cavities. I had severe allergic reactions to local anesthetics all my life, so I had to go to a dental school to receive general anesthesia. At that time, I was warned that the damage was too severe, and I would likely need dentures in 10 years.
Then I moved states and lost my insurance. I no longer had easy access to a dental surgery school. I went to the local dental school, but they could not transfer me to the surgical part. I would need a regular dentist to do that. Once my husband and I finally got on medical and dental insurance again, I began looking for a dentist who could do general anesthesia. I found one, who shall remain nameless. I was told that not only would I have to fly their general anesthesiologist from California, but then the cost would be $300 every 15 minutes. That did not include the dental work. All in all, $5000 was the quote. We barely had $1000 to spare. I got angry that I could fly to Mexico and have the same job done for half the price. After that, I pretty much gave up on the idea of fixing my teeth.
Five years passed. Teeth that had small cavities suddenly had gapping holes. Although I was no longer on that tooth-destroying medication, the damage was done. Simply biting into a peanut hidden in my Chinese food could crack and completely break off a tooth. I called dentist after dentist only to be told they couldn't help me due to my allergies and epilepsy. We lost our insurance again, and any hopes of getting work done died. I simply reduced my diet to pastas, soups, anything soft, and took care of my teeth as best as I could with restorative toothpastes and mouthwashes.
POINT OF NO RETURN
My teeth issue became so bad that five months ago, November 2011, I got a severe abscess. We were told that my husband's insurance would kick in 90 days after he was hired, so I put ice packs on my face and suffered through it for two weeks as we waited for that magical 90th day. It arrived, and we found out that 90 days was when he became eligible for insurance, but the actual coverage would not start until January 1st, 2012. The swelling was affecting my ability to breathe. I was a one step away from an ER visit. No way could I last that long!
The infection spread until it infected three teeth. I had to quit playing trombone. My throat swelled until I was gagging, I became feverish, my ears were affected, and I was stuck at home in utter agony.
I was desperate and went to Gentle Dental. Once again, I was told that they could do nothing for me, what with the health issues. However, since I was truly a medical emergency at this point, they set up for me to see an oral surgeon. That was arranged, and he asked if I had ever tried Carbocaine. Never heard of it. Last time I agreed to a medication I had never heard of before, I was given Diprivan and my throat swelled shut. However, that was already happening with the abscess. I knew this infection would become fatal if I did nothing. What did I have to lose?
Needless to say, I was desperate. I decided to play his game of Russian Roulette and try this mysterious new local anesthetic. Many precautions were taken: antibiotics, steroids, antihistamines, monitors all over the place to keep an eye on my vitals. Verced was used to deal with the epilepsy issues. I drifted off to sleep hoping that, at the very least, I would wake up.
It worked! No instant death, no choking, no swelling, no blood pressure bottoming out, no needing to be resuscitated. Three teeth were pulled, yet I was warned at that time, I really needed a denture. My top teeth were too far gone.
NEW DOCTOR, NEW TEETH
Finally we got insurance in January, and I started the process by getting a dentist in our town who took our insurance. My new dentist agreed, I needed my upper teeth extracted, a top denture, bottom bridge, and two root canals on the bottom molars. Well, our insurance only covers $1500 a year, the dentures alone were $1470 with the insurance covering 50% of that, so just one root canal would have eaten up the last of my benefits, and that's before surgery. I opted to just have those two pulled as well.
Then off to the oral surgeon. He decided to mimic the medicine use by the last oral surgeon: carbocaine, antihistamines, with Verced and Brevital. He also said I needed a frenulectomy. I have (or had, I should say) a muscle that stretches from my lip, between my front teeth--causing them to be widely spaced--and to the roof of my mouth. It's a genetic birth defect that I should have had fixed as a child but didn't have the money.
We had a game plan. Then it was back to the dentist a couple more times, getting impressions for my dentures. That was a gross experience. The putty squished back into my throat. They should have warned me to put my tongue back there to stop it. Instead, it dripped down the throat, and I was not allowed to lean forward and cough it out. I was a trooper, breathing cautiously as I felt this rubbery substance harden around my uvula and down my esophagus, recking havoc on my gag reflexes. It was supposed to set for four minutes. I lasted three before the hardening rubber made it impossible to breathe. The dentist realized I was seriously choking and turning purple, so she pulled it out fast. I then vomited out blue rubber and had to cough it out of my throat for a few minutes. Turned out the impression had an air bubble. Dammit! Three times, I went through this gross and--with such bad teeth--highly painful process before the molding was just right.
I had to wait another two weeks while the dentures were being made. During that time, one of my teeth broke while eating chow mien (yes, just chow mien) and formed an abscess. Antibiotics were all they could do since the tooth was scheduled for extraction. It turned into a painful race: could I put up with the abscess long enough until the tooth could be pulled?
DENTAL ARMAGEDDON
As a joke, I called this whole issue "Dental Armageddon." My teeth were getting "raptured" while I would be left behind in agony.
At 8:30 AM today, I went to the oral surgeon, got hooked up to the sedation IV, and fell into a wonderful sleep holding my husband's hand. I woke up with the nurse telling me over and over to open my eyes. They eventually did open, and quite widely at that, when the oral surgeon tried to fit my new denture right onto the holes of my newly-pulled teeth and one sliced-up frenulum. Oddly enough, what hurt far too bad to handle was the swollen area of my abscess. Either it did not drain well, or it was just too tender. The oral surgeon thought my hazy moans of agony were due to the frenulum and kept adjusting that part of the denture. I was too dazed to explain that it was fine, but the abscess area was too swollen for the denture to fit.
I got home and promptly fell back to sleep. I had earlier covered my pillow with an old blanket so I could drool blood without worries. This was a good plan, because I woke up with my mouth filled with blood, a massive blood clot on my tongue, and another on the roof of my new denture. The blood squishing out from the back of my denture made me gag. I nearly vomited from excessive bleeding twice.
Luckily, that got better after a few hours. As of now, it's still bleeding a lot, but not enough to choke me. I need gauze on the two bottom right molars that were extracted, and a balancing gauze on the left side, which helps to catch the blood squishing out of my denture.
FOOD AND NOMS
Since I was already limited on what I could eat, going to soft food is no big deal. For my first day after surgery, I had a strawberry Slim Fast shake so I could get my nutrition. I had another at lunch, with a small cup of strawberry yogurt. Dinner was cream of chicken soup, which I mostly drank since I'm not used to the lack of sensation on the roof of my mouth. Since that didn't fill me up, I had a cup of Jello pudding. Some melty vanilla ice cream for dessert was nice, since I rarely get ice cream, but my mom said it helped her to take down swelling when she got dentures. I have to lick up the pudding and ice cream since my mouth is too swollen for a spoon. I should have bought a baby spoon.
My drinks at first were just water, but after seeing that I was okay with Slim Fast, I requested my husband get me some almond milk. That was a little harder to drink, so I went back to water-based liquids. I had warm apple cider (not hot) with my dinner, and some warm licorice tea for bed.
THE FORGOTTEN
One thing that I found annoying was the last minute changes. First we were quoted that, after insurance, we owned about $3000. Then the oral surgeon office actually called the insurance. We owed only $1700. That's great, that's wonderful, but since we're pretty much broke, we needed to know how much money to beg our parents to give us. Being told one quote only to get another was stressful. At least it went down, not up.
Also, I should mention that it was the dentist's plan to have all of my work done on one day. This would include fillings, a deep cleaning of the remaining bottom teeth, extractions, and frenulectomy. We had checks written out for all of these. Then yesterday while we were calling around finalizing everything, the dentist just now informed me that she decided not to do the fillings today.
She was the one who demanded we have this on a Friday so she could come to the oral surgeon's office, but then she said she wouldn't have the equipment she'd need there. Shouldn't she have known what equipment she'd need from the very start? Or at least have figured out this whole issue during our "game plan" meetings?
The whole reason for the all-in-one-day plan was because of my allergies. Her office does not use carbocaine, and I have to be sedated for the epilepsy. That can only happen at the oral surgeon's place. Her response to this problem was "I'll call the oral surgeon and figure out what I can use here."
Really? And you decided to pull out of this collaborative job when? The day before surgery???
ANYTHING ELSE
So other than a flaking dentist and excessive bleeding, how am I doing? Much better than I feared. I thought I would be in utter agony, but the Vicodin is taking care of that. My denture is supposed to stay in for a while. It keeps bacteria out of the extraction holes, prevents dry socket, and the pressure helps with the healing. Right now, possibly due to swelling, my denture feels like it's suction-cupped to the roof of my mouth.
When I take out the gauze and test out my mouth a little, the teeth feel weird. My mouth was really messed up, so maybe this is how normal teeth are supposed to feel. I don't know. Swelling might also be a factor. My top lip doesn't fit over my dentures. They are half the length of my real teeth, but the gum feels twice as thick. My small upper lip simply doesn't stretch.
There's also a slight gap between the back of my denture and the roof of my mouth. Any pressure from my tongue there makes the denture feel like it's about the flip out. Except it really is suctioned in there. Which is good!
My husband is staying home to take care of me. Once I felt well enough to stand, we watched the 25th Anniversary performance of The Phantom of the Opera, our favorite musical. I've seen it live twice, and for our anniversary he took me to see the live world-wide broadcast from Royal Albert Hall. That's the video we watched, of that performance. It was a good way to cheer me up. Although I almost fell asleep during "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again."
I've stayed in bed most of this first day. I'm waiting until I can take more Vicodin, then I should go to bed.
So this is Part 1 of my dental adventure.
Or I could say, Day One of Dental Armageddon!
HOW MY TEETH GOT BAD
First, a little history. I have epilepsy and was put on the medication Tegritol from 1993-2008. In 2004 I was informed that the seizure medicine was softening my teeth, causing them to crack and making it easy to get cavities. I had severe allergic reactions to local anesthetics all my life, so I had to go to a dental school to receive general anesthesia. At that time, I was warned that the damage was too severe, and I would likely need dentures in 10 years.
Then I moved states and lost my insurance. I no longer had easy access to a dental surgery school. I went to the local dental school, but they could not transfer me to the surgical part. I would need a regular dentist to do that. Once my husband and I finally got on medical and dental insurance again, I began looking for a dentist who could do general anesthesia. I found one, who shall remain nameless. I was told that not only would I have to fly their general anesthesiologist from California, but then the cost would be $300 every 15 minutes. That did not include the dental work. All in all, $5000 was the quote. We barely had $1000 to spare. I got angry that I could fly to Mexico and have the same job done for half the price. After that, I pretty much gave up on the idea of fixing my teeth.
Five years passed. Teeth that had small cavities suddenly had gapping holes. Although I was no longer on that tooth-destroying medication, the damage was done. Simply biting into a peanut hidden in my Chinese food could crack and completely break off a tooth. I called dentist after dentist only to be told they couldn't help me due to my allergies and epilepsy. We lost our insurance again, and any hopes of getting work done died. I simply reduced my diet to pastas, soups, anything soft, and took care of my teeth as best as I could with restorative toothpastes and mouthwashes.
POINT OF NO RETURN
My teeth issue became so bad that five months ago, November 2011, I got a severe abscess. We were told that my husband's insurance would kick in 90 days after he was hired, so I put ice packs on my face and suffered through it for two weeks as we waited for that magical 90th day. It arrived, and we found out that 90 days was when he became eligible for insurance, but the actual coverage would not start until January 1st, 2012. The swelling was affecting my ability to breathe. I was a one step away from an ER visit. No way could I last that long!
The infection spread until it infected three teeth. I had to quit playing trombone. My throat swelled until I was gagging, I became feverish, my ears were affected, and I was stuck at home in utter agony.
I was desperate and went to Gentle Dental. Once again, I was told that they could do nothing for me, what with the health issues. However, since I was truly a medical emergency at this point, they set up for me to see an oral surgeon. That was arranged, and he asked if I had ever tried Carbocaine. Never heard of it. Last time I agreed to a medication I had never heard of before, I was given Diprivan and my throat swelled shut. However, that was already happening with the abscess. I knew this infection would become fatal if I did nothing. What did I have to lose?
Needless to say, I was desperate. I decided to play his game of Russian Roulette and try this mysterious new local anesthetic. Many precautions were taken: antibiotics, steroids, antihistamines, monitors all over the place to keep an eye on my vitals. Verced was used to deal with the epilepsy issues. I drifted off to sleep hoping that, at the very least, I would wake up.
It worked! No instant death, no choking, no swelling, no blood pressure bottoming out, no needing to be resuscitated. Three teeth were pulled, yet I was warned at that time, I really needed a denture. My top teeth were too far gone.
NEW DOCTOR, NEW TEETH
Finally we got insurance in January, and I started the process by getting a dentist in our town who took our insurance. My new dentist agreed, I needed my upper teeth extracted, a top denture, bottom bridge, and two root canals on the bottom molars. Well, our insurance only covers $1500 a year, the dentures alone were $1470 with the insurance covering 50% of that, so just one root canal would have eaten up the last of my benefits, and that's before surgery. I opted to just have those two pulled as well.
Then off to the oral surgeon. He decided to mimic the medicine use by the last oral surgeon: carbocaine, antihistamines, with Verced and Brevital. He also said I needed a frenulectomy. I have (or had, I should say) a muscle that stretches from my lip, between my front teeth--causing them to be widely spaced--and to the roof of my mouth. It's a genetic birth defect that I should have had fixed as a child but didn't have the money.
We had a game plan. Then it was back to the dentist a couple more times, getting impressions for my dentures. That was a gross experience. The putty squished back into my throat. They should have warned me to put my tongue back there to stop it. Instead, it dripped down the throat, and I was not allowed to lean forward and cough it out. I was a trooper, breathing cautiously as I felt this rubbery substance harden around my uvula and down my esophagus, recking havoc on my gag reflexes. It was supposed to set for four minutes. I lasted three before the hardening rubber made it impossible to breathe. The dentist realized I was seriously choking and turning purple, so she pulled it out fast. I then vomited out blue rubber and had to cough it out of my throat for a few minutes. Turned out the impression had an air bubble. Dammit! Three times, I went through this gross and--with such bad teeth--highly painful process before the molding was just right.
I had to wait another two weeks while the dentures were being made. During that time, one of my teeth broke while eating chow mien (yes, just chow mien) and formed an abscess. Antibiotics were all they could do since the tooth was scheduled for extraction. It turned into a painful race: could I put up with the abscess long enough until the tooth could be pulled?
DENTAL ARMAGEDDON
As a joke, I called this whole issue "Dental Armageddon." My teeth were getting "raptured" while I would be left behind in agony.
At 8:30 AM today, I went to the oral surgeon, got hooked up to the sedation IV, and fell into a wonderful sleep holding my husband's hand. I woke up with the nurse telling me over and over to open my eyes. They eventually did open, and quite widely at that, when the oral surgeon tried to fit my new denture right onto the holes of my newly-pulled teeth and one sliced-up frenulum. Oddly enough, what hurt far too bad to handle was the swollen area of my abscess. Either it did not drain well, or it was just too tender. The oral surgeon thought my hazy moans of agony were due to the frenulum and kept adjusting that part of the denture. I was too dazed to explain that it was fine, but the abscess area was too swollen for the denture to fit.
I got home and promptly fell back to sleep. I had earlier covered my pillow with an old blanket so I could drool blood without worries. This was a good plan, because I woke up with my mouth filled with blood, a massive blood clot on my tongue, and another on the roof of my new denture. The blood squishing out from the back of my denture made me gag. I nearly vomited from excessive bleeding twice.
Luckily, that got better after a few hours. As of now, it's still bleeding a lot, but not enough to choke me. I need gauze on the two bottom right molars that were extracted, and a balancing gauze on the left side, which helps to catch the blood squishing out of my denture.
FOOD AND NOMS
Since I was already limited on what I could eat, going to soft food is no big deal. For my first day after surgery, I had a strawberry Slim Fast shake so I could get my nutrition. I had another at lunch, with a small cup of strawberry yogurt. Dinner was cream of chicken soup, which I mostly drank since I'm not used to the lack of sensation on the roof of my mouth. Since that didn't fill me up, I had a cup of Jello pudding. Some melty vanilla ice cream for dessert was nice, since I rarely get ice cream, but my mom said it helped her to take down swelling when she got dentures. I have to lick up the pudding and ice cream since my mouth is too swollen for a spoon. I should have bought a baby spoon.
My drinks at first were just water, but after seeing that I was okay with Slim Fast, I requested my husband get me some almond milk. That was a little harder to drink, so I went back to water-based liquids. I had warm apple cider (not hot) with my dinner, and some warm licorice tea for bed.
THE FORGOTTEN
One thing that I found annoying was the last minute changes. First we were quoted that, after insurance, we owned about $3000. Then the oral surgeon office actually called the insurance. We owed only $1700. That's great, that's wonderful, but since we're pretty much broke, we needed to know how much money to beg our parents to give us. Being told one quote only to get another was stressful. At least it went down, not up.
Also, I should mention that it was the dentist's plan to have all of my work done on one day. This would include fillings, a deep cleaning of the remaining bottom teeth, extractions, and frenulectomy. We had checks written out for all of these. Then yesterday while we were calling around finalizing everything, the dentist just now informed me that she decided not to do the fillings today.
She was the one who demanded we have this on a Friday so she could come to the oral surgeon's office, but then she said she wouldn't have the equipment she'd need there. Shouldn't she have known what equipment she'd need from the very start? Or at least have figured out this whole issue during our "game plan" meetings?
The whole reason for the all-in-one-day plan was because of my allergies. Her office does not use carbocaine, and I have to be sedated for the epilepsy. That can only happen at the oral surgeon's place. Her response to this problem was "I'll call the oral surgeon and figure out what I can use here."
Really? And you decided to pull out of this collaborative job when? The day before surgery???
ANYTHING ELSE
So other than a flaking dentist and excessive bleeding, how am I doing? Much better than I feared. I thought I would be in utter agony, but the Vicodin is taking care of that. My denture is supposed to stay in for a while. It keeps bacteria out of the extraction holes, prevents dry socket, and the pressure helps with the healing. Right now, possibly due to swelling, my denture feels like it's suction-cupped to the roof of my mouth.
When I take out the gauze and test out my mouth a little, the teeth feel weird. My mouth was really messed up, so maybe this is how normal teeth are supposed to feel. I don't know. Swelling might also be a factor. My top lip doesn't fit over my dentures. They are half the length of my real teeth, but the gum feels twice as thick. My small upper lip simply doesn't stretch.
There's also a slight gap between the back of my denture and the roof of my mouth. Any pressure from my tongue there makes the denture feel like it's about the flip out. Except it really is suctioned in there. Which is good!
My husband is staying home to take care of me. Once I felt well enough to stand, we watched the 25th Anniversary performance of The Phantom of the Opera, our favorite musical. I've seen it live twice, and for our anniversary he took me to see the live world-wide broadcast from Royal Albert Hall. That's the video we watched, of that performance. It was a good way to cheer me up. Although I almost fell asleep during "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again."
I've stayed in bed most of this first day. I'm waiting until I can take more Vicodin, then I should go to bed.
So this is Part 1 of my dental adventure.
Or I could say, Day One of Dental Armageddon!
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