Each Day is a Mountain

In my manuscript Ghost Coast, I have a character named Byron who loves poetry, although ironically he's not fond of poetry by Lord Byron. (His favorite poet is Walt Whitman.) He recites a poem he uses for meditation. I researched a lot of poetry, wanting something meditative, filled with images of nature, which would fit Byron's personality as a Wiccan. I read on Pravs World, "life is a mountain," and I thought, "No, each day is a mountain." I probably read that somewhere, it doesn't sound original; however, this poem just flowed out from that thought, so fast that I had to write it quickly, like sopping up spilled wine. I paid no attention to rhythm and little to rhyme, although the ABCB rhyme scheme kicked in naturally. It just flowed out of my soul. That's the sort of poem my guy Byron would write. I thought I'd share it with my friends, since so many of you are climbing your own personal mountains.

EACH DAY IS A MOUNTAIN
by Robyn Ann McKenzie

Each day is a mountain.
I climb it alone.
I climb ever upward
Struggling to find home.

One mountain is Hope,
The other Despair,
One is the Pain
I silently bear.

With each step up the trail
I grow stronger each day.
My soul guides me forward,
My heart knows the way.

Some of the paths are well-trodden,
Others I wander with no guide.
I don’t always know what I seek,
Only that I can’t ever hide.

Each step is a promise
I make to my soul,
Never to stop climbing
To my unreachable goal.

In silent meditation
I struggle each day.
My soul guides me forward,
My heart knows the way.

(Yes, this is my own work. Please don't steal it. Thanks, friends! Keep on climbing.)

Trimming the Word Count

You've written what you know is the next bestseller. It took months, maybe years, but at last it's done. As you prepare to submit it, you finally check the word count.

250,000 words!

What the...! When? How? It didn't feel like that much writing!

If you're reading this, you likely googled for help on this issue. If you're a casual writer wondering what's the deal with word counts, let me quickly define some things.

Short story - under 7,500 words
Novelette - 7,500 - 17,500 words
Novella - 17,500 - 40,000 words
Novel - 40,000 words and above

Word counts are important in contests. NaNoWriMo requires a minimum of 50,000 words. Some have a cap, a short story no longer than 5,000 words. Likely, the judges have many entries to read and don't want to be bogged down, or a minimum of space to publish your story in a magazine, thus a cap to keep within that space.

I'll be dealing with novels, but short stories can take similar advice.

How Much Is Too Much

The big question, one highly debated. People will argue with me. I encourage it. I win debates!

First time novelists should never submit anything over 100,000 words, and even that is pushing it. The ideal length for a new writer is 50,000 to 80,000. Why? More pages means more money in printing fees, and you're not worth the expense. Sorry, that's the harsh truth. Publish a few smaller works, gain fame, try again.

The general rule is, with the exception of big-name authors, no novel should be over 120,000 words. Murder/mystery books should be no more than 80,000, while science fiction and fantasy can push that limit to 150,000 words, if you're well-established.

That's important. It doesn't matter if you've been writing for your school newspaper since sixth grade, if you have no money behind your name, don't aim for a novel to shame Victor Hugo and Leo Tolstoy. When you're Stephen King or J.K. Rowling, you can write 200,000 words and publishers will still kowtow before you. When you're John Smith, no fan base besides your classmates and parents, no assurance that even your aunt will buy the book, an editor will much rather take a gamble on something small. People don't want 700-page tomes, they want a cheap paperback they can take on the bus. That's what sells. This is a business, it's all about money to them. Save your magnum opus for after you have a few thousand fans on Facebook.

You're probably tempted to check your novel again right now. Go ahead....

Now that you've cringed, as I first did when I realized my novel was 170,000 words, it's time to consider your options.

1. Shelve it. Try a new, smaller story.
2. Split it in half and aim for a sequel.
3. Edit the hell outta that thing.

Finish At Your Own Pace

Before I begin, a writer shouldn't worry about word counts while in the creative process. Let the story flow. Do not look at the word counter. Whether you finish at a mere 40,000 words or over 150,000, let the story finish naturally.

This is what I do. Many people will shovel you advice, and many will say I'm wrong, but this works for me. After I punch in the final period, I immediately go back to page one and do a top-to-bottom read-through. The story is in my head, so I can see if I captured the spirit of it. While enjoying your story, go ahead and fix mundane things: punctuation, grammar, spelling, scenes that just didn't turn out right. Again, don't worry about the word count yet. Make sure this is truly how you want your story to sound. You'd be surprised how often scenes in retrospect are pure crap, or whole conversations of dialogue sound stupid.

Once you have a completed manuscript, put that sucker away. Don't look at it. Don't proofread it. Don't dwell on it. Divorce yourself from that project. Start a new story, or proofread another manuscript gathering dust. Don't think, "But I wanted to publish it before the end of the year." SHELVE IT! Give yourself time to become detached. Trust me, you want no feelings for this story, because the next part will be brutal.

After six months have passed and you can hardly remember the names of your characters, now you can open your file to a story you hardly know. If you haven't already, this is the time to set it up as if you're going to send it to the editor: 8.5" by 11" page, one inch margins, 12-point font Courier New, double spaced, and a header with Last Name / Title / Page Number (use Insert/Fields to make it uniform).

If you're like me, double spacing it will be a shocker. That sweet novel suddenly explodes. But guess what: if it's on your computer at 1,000 pages, it'll arrive at the editors desk at 1,000 pages, and the second thing an editor looks at (the first being your title page with your name and your agent's name) is a word count or the number of pages. It's good to put the word count on the title page, just under your address, that way it saves them from flipping to the end.

Quantity over quality? No, it's just that, unless their eyes light up with dollar signs simply hearing your name and the prospect of another Hawaiian trip...er, I mean, best-selling novel...when an editor sees 1,000 pages, they think "oh gods not another prolix rookie" and toss it aside. Maybe it really is good, but it's too long to publish.

Try Again

Do not be ashamed if your first attempt at a novel turns into War and Peace. It's likely your story really is good, but it's two novels in one, or you have too many extraneous scenes. Don't wallow in worries. That was a good first try. It was practice. Now, let's go at it for real.

Now that you're acquainted with the writing process, first, set your document settings as if ready for the editor's desk, Courier New 12-point font and double spaced. This time, as you write, you'll know how long your story really is. My very first novel, I went through and added almost a hundred pages to it, thinking it looked too short. Later, after learning about word counts, I checked. Yikes! That hundred pages put it way over the limit. I decided it was easier to move on. I can edit it back down at my own pace, but I have more stories to tell.

Sequel?

When faced with a behemoth story, first see if you can break it into a sequel. Sequels are not good for first-time novelists (again, an editor has no clue if your book will sell, so why commit to two books?) If you've proven you can write quality stuff that sells, then having the assurance that there will be another novel in six months can be a good thing. This might mean rewriting scenes and inventing a new climax in the middle of the present story.

If you can end Book One nicely and pitch it as a stand-alone, while secretly keeping Book Two to spring upon them after the money comes pouring in, all the better. If not, see if the editor is looking for a series, be clear that this is the first in that series, and make an intense cliffhanger that forces a reader to want Book Two.

Chop-chop, Snip-snip

Let's say it's not actually 2 books in one, it's simply too long. This is where it gets bloody, and where divorcing yourself from the project becomes vital. It's time to slaughter that beast.

• Tithing

Here's something I read recently, and I plan on trying it someday. First, cut the chapters by 10%. Let's say you have 50 chapters. Find five that are unnecessary. A little voice in your head will scream, "No! They're all necessary!" Ignore that voice. This is why you must not feel attachment, but maintain the cold calculation of a serial killer. That scene of the protagonist at a party where she meets an old friend who we never see again... not needed! That long bit of dialogue where John and Jane talk about the weather, unless it's foreshadowing the storm that will wipe out their hometown, it's probably not needed. If it has been established that the main character is passive until someone insults his hair, and then he goes into a homicidal rage, showing him attacking a man who just made such an insult might not be necessary. Showing the insult, a flash in the protag's eyes, and then cutting to Protag entering his apartment and Roomie shocked that he's covered in blood is more powerful.

Now that 10% of the chapters are gone, do the same to each chapter. 10 pages to the chapter? Trim it to nine. It's not that hard, really. A word here or there, a shorter word when a long word isn't needed, getting orphaned words back up with the rest of their paragraph...poof! Congratulations, your 50-chapter book, 10 pages each, thus 500-page novel just became 45 chapters at 9 pages, so 405 pages. That's 95 pages of fluff cleaned out.

• Psych Yourself

Too scared to start hacking at this stuff? I have a psychological trick.

What makes most writers reluctant to chop scenes is the love, diligence, and imagination we put into it. So convince yourself you're not tossing that hour of writing into oblivion.

I got into a habit of keeping my major edits in a separate file, Title-outtakes.doc. Copy and paste your scenes in there. I also add why the scene doesn't work, because sometimes I'll ready through those out-takes and think "But that was a really great bit of dialogue!" Yes, it was, but circumstances changed and you can't use it now. Convince yourself that those deleted scenes could form the basis of a whole new book. It's all psychological comforting.

• Dieting Your Book

Let's say you're not faced with trimming War and Peace down to Animal Farm. You just need to trim off 5,000 words.

Here are some tricks:

1) Simple Shortening

This is where you do minor tightening. You can do word searches for these things. My favorite is going to be. Search the document for that phrase.

• "This is going to be great." Shorter! "This will be great."
• "It was going to be an easy task." Shorter! "The task would be easy."

Contractions are a prolix writer's best friend. Dialogue is naturally peppered with them. People also don't speak in complete sentences. "Wanna go to the store?" instead of "John, would you like to go to the store with me later this evening?" Don't go too crazy. There are times when using contractions is not good.

Dialogue should flow naturally, but don't give your characters the same word whiskers that plague public speakers. "Like," "you know," "well," "okay," "oh," and the dreaded "um" can give reality to your characters, showing shock, nervousness, temerity, and other emotions (show, not tell, remember?) However, if used in excess, it'll make them and you sound dumb. When trying to edit for less, see if you can cut them out without influencing the character.

Remember, your audience isn't dumb. Saying "green grass" and "blue sky" is unneeded unless the grass has been yellow all summer until the storm passes, or the sky has been gray until that one glorious day.

Beware of repeating terms. Using a single word repetitively in a sentence can be tedious, not to mention it looks juvenile. Editors will naturally catch this error, but...isn't it best to catch it first?

Word search "seem." It either is, or it isn't. Rarely does it "seem."

• "It seemed to last a long time" is fine, if it really didn't.
• "It seems to be raining." Well, it is? If it is, don't say it seems to be!

Word search for "just." Just is the um of writing. Just to let you know, just because you can use it and it just sounds right, it just isn't needed all the time. "In just three minutes" can be "In three minutes." Unless you're an infomercial announcer!

Word search for "which." Sometimes, "which" is necessary, but we tend to use it in unnecessary ways.

• "Her birthday, which would be in just two days from now, was a party which I have been looking forward to all summer." - 23 words
• "All summer, I've anxiously awaited her birthday, now two days away." - 10 words

Look at that! Cut that awkward sentence in half! Call me Jet Li.


2) Unnecessary Description

English teachers, cover your ears!

The sad fact is, as writers, we can lose ourselves in adjectives. Mister Protag brings Love Interest a bouquet. Is it really vital to the story that it was a dozen pink and yellow roses, each bud tightly curled, as if holding within its petals the hopes of all his dreams, and each glistening, verdant leaf a testament to his adoration of her emerald eyes? Or... is it just a bouquet?

Description is important to good storytelling. If that bouquet truly does represent his love for her, by all means, delve into the symbolism! But does the vase she puts it in also convey meaning? It can, if she hates him and puts that gorgeous bouquet in a cracked vase still dirty from the last bouquet he brought. Otherwise, it's just a vase. What about the table she put it on? Is it vital to know it's a plastic table she bought at Ikea the week before when she and her best friend were shopping for shelves? What about when your character stepped into the bathroom at the bar, and those five pages of describing every bit of graffiti on the wall, is that vital to your story? What about the crystal wine goblet etched with a galleon at full sail, is that glass so special it deserves such detail? Sorry, bar bathroom, but you're simply a room to piss in. Sorry, wine goblet, but she'll sip you once, set you down, and we'll forget you and your galleon in two paragraphs.


3) Unnecessary Phrases

Sometimes, we use phrases to sound important, when really we're fluffing out an idea. Lawyers and politicians do this by habit, usually to confuse others, muffle up their arguments, and make their case sound more legitimate. Maybe it works on dumb people, but smart people will be wary of writing filled with these terms. You sound like a politician, and really, who trusts politicians? Beware of these terms:

• All things considered
• As a matter of fact
• As far as I'm concerned
• At the present time
• Because of (or "due to" or "by virtue of") the fact that... (simply "because" or "since" can work)
• By means of ("through" is better)
• For all intents and purposes (you might want to make sure you didn't word it "intensive purposes" too)
• Has a tendency to (just "tends to")
• In a manner of speaking
• In a very real sense
• In my opinion
• In the case of
• It seems that (remember above, bad uses of "seem")
• The point I'm trying to make (obviously you've used too many words to make your point)
• Type of ("It's the type of policy that seems to make voters wary" can be "Such policy makes voters wary")
• What I mean to say is (unless the muttering character has just spent a paragraph rambling aimlessly, in which case, you might want to delete that scene anyway)

4) Unnecessary Prepositions

This won't make much of a dint, but it's worth a shot.

This isn't just prepositions at the end of sentences ("That's where it's at" which should be "That's where it is" ...no at). I'm talking prepositions that simply should not be in a sentence. We're all guilty of it.

A boss may intone, "Work outside of the box." A hand will pop up in the back. "Ma'am, don't you mean 'work outside the box'?" The boss snaps, "That's what I said!"

Inside of, outside of, off of... keep listing them.

"She jumped off of the swing" should be "She jumped off the swing."

Like I said, it's minimal, maybe you'll trim 50 words, but every bit helps.

On the subject of prepositions, don't be fooled into believing sentences NEVER end with prepositions. Grammatically, they can. Latin doesn't, but that's Latin. Pedantic plebeians will teach that English should be exactly the same as Latin in all of its rules (including raving about the infamous "to boldly go" phrase). Sorry, elitist snobs, but English is a German-based language that happens to have some Latin-inspired words in our dictionary placed there by the French.

My favorite example, consider these verbs:
to put
to put up
to put up with
All three mean very different things.

Two friends are talking.
1) "I have to put up with this crap all day."
2) "Well, it's just something with which you'll have to put up."
What the...? Do people really talk like that? Some do. Some were lambasted by a middle school teacher, humiliated in front of peers, forced to stand in a corner wearing the dunce cap for writing prepositions at the end of their sentences. I pity those people.

Seriously, if you smell dog crap, do you yell, "On what did I step?"
Hell no! You yell, "What did I step on?"

"To step on" is called a verb phrase. Learn it. Love it. It's something you'll have to boldly put up with!


5) Unintense intensifiers

Some intensifiers don't empower our writing. "Really, very, quite, severely, extremely"... they don't cut it, so cut it! (and yes, "unintense" is not a real word, so sue me!)

• "It really is important that you come into work on time today because we've been very busy, extremely packed, and we're severely understaffed, so we're quite overwhelmed." - 27 words

An angry boss (unless she's a don't-stop-for-a-breath motormouth) is more likely to take the Hemingway approach

• "We're busy. It's packed. We're understaffed and overwhelmed. Come into work NOW!" - 12 words

6) Cliches and Euphemisms

You're nitpicking now, so you might as well search your work for these. Cliches make your work sound trite. Unfortunately, there are so many cliches and euphemisms out there, it's nigh impossible to list them all. Read through some at:
http://www.gardendigest.com/cliche.htm


7) Expletive Constructions

These little buggers are the termites of writing. "It is/was" and "There is/are" at the beginning of sentences weaken anything that come after them. Terminate the pests!

My suggestion: word search again, this time using the "match case" option. Find all instances of "It is/was" and "There is/are" at the beginning of sentences, and rewrite them into something stronger.

• "There are many fish living in the sea." - soggy, like a 6th grader's biology essay.
• "Many fish live in the sea." - more concise, crisper, like fried calamari.

Once you finish this, click off the "match case" option and search all such instances. Look at how to strengthen and shorten those sentences, ridding yourself of that horrible passive voice. For one, you're not reading the story as a flowing river, but as individual sentences, separate entities. Many novelists have a hard time examining their manuscript line by line, so this helps. I've trimmed hundreds of words off a manuscript using this suggestion alone!


8) Use the active voice.

This naturally follows extermination of expletive constructions.

This is straight out of Strunk and White. If you have not read Elements of Style, do so. Seriously! That book and Stephen King's On Writing should be considered mandatory for any aspiring writer.

Not only will this make your writing more powerful, it will often shorten your sentences and cut out fluff. Fluff is bad. Fluff is the habit we picked up when our high school teacher assigned a five-page essay on the French Revolution, due Friday. Fluff will make you sound like you're still in high school hating that teacher.

• "It was not long before he was very sorry that he had said what he said." - 16 words

There's nothing wrong with this sentence, but it's long, awkward, and conveys little. You can give the same meaning with five words.

• "He soon repented his words."

Now, I'm not one for E-Prime, but many "to be" verbs lead into passive tenses. "She is hurt" is perfectly fine, but "They were dancing all night" is passive voice. "Were dancing" can also be "danced." Sometimes passive is fine, such as for a timid character. Often it's not. Excessive passive voice bogs a reader down. That reader includes your editor. If he feels bogged, your manuscript gets tossed.


9) Omit needless words!

Again, right out of Elements, and this will be my final suggestion. After all, "needless" could mean half your novel. It all depends on your talent. (Ain't I brutal!)

Seriously, what are needless words? Pleonasms, phrases that repeat themselves. "I saw it with my own eyes" is a good example. So is "fly through the air." What, not through Jello?

"A total of [number] [items]" can be only the number and the items.

"Scarlet red," "azure blue," "pale white," "tediously boring," "strangely odd." Notice these couplets mean the exact same thing. We see and hear these all the time, and some terms have wormed into acceptance. "Foreign imports," for example. Sorry, I've never heard of domestic imports.

Redundancies have plagued the English language since the Normans and Saxons tried to blend their languages, often resorting to a Norman term juxtaposed with a Saxon term, just to make sure the meaning was understood. "Aid and abet" and "cease and desist" are notorious examples.

Sometimes, we repeat a word without realizing it, such as ATM machine. The "M" means machine. Chai tea is another common one. Chai means tea.

These are some of my biggest redundancies. Again, these terms are not by themselves bad. Professional documents are filled with them. Using them will not spell death to your novel. However, if your goal is to tighten the belt of your fat manuscript, doing word searches might help shave off a few words.

For the complete list, see here:

• absolutely necessary
• actual fact
• armed gunman
• ask the question
• basic necessities
• blend together
• blue (or any hue) in color
• bouquet of flowers (either specify or say just bouquet)
• burning embers
• cacophony of sound
• circle around
• close proximity
• closed fist (I laugh at this one. What, praytell, is an open fist?)
• completely... (just search that word. Completely filled, completely eliminated, completely dead... unless he's "mostly dead." Sorry, couldn't help a little Princess Bride reference)
• could possibly
• descend down (also raise up)
• disappear from sight
• during the course of (just "during" is fine)
• dwindle down (you can't go up)
• each and every
• enter in (and exit out)
• exact same
• final outcome
• frozen ice (and burning fire)
• kneel down
• lag behind
• lift up (and lower down)
• may/might possibly
• mental telepathy
• new beginning
• pair of twins
• palm of the hand (unless your foot has a palm. Mine doesn't.)
• past history
• pick and choose
• pouring down
• proceed ahead
• protest against
• repeat again
• sudden impulse
• twelve noon
• unexpected surprise
• usual custom
• very unique
• white snow

Sorry this post is long

Hopefully by now your novel is a bit thinner. If you do all of this and still have a monster on your hands, perhaps you really should consider if this is two stories in one. There is no shame in taking the romance between the main character and the murder victim out and making that into a completely different story.

Whatever advice people give, either biting or gentle, listen seriously to it. You might think that chapter flashing back to the villain's childhood is vital to knowing his character, but maybe others can figure out his personality without that massive, boring chunk. It's not easy to take our darling creation and shred it to bits, but that's part of the creative writing process.

Have friends read your story, and challenge them to be brutally honest about what parts bored them. Better yet, have other writers read it, since they know what to look for and will be less cautious about hurting your feelings than a friend. Some will be more than willing to give a scathing review and red-mark that thing to bits. I'm that sort. I would be your worst nightmare if I ever became an editor. However, that's the type of editing I want: brutal, honest, tear out the rot and hand it back raw, pink, ready to be healed and become stronger from the scars. I don't want happy, sappy, omg-it's-so-great fluffery. Gawd, I hated professors who believed in writing only what was good about a story and never giving negative input. I want to know what's bad so I can fix it! Writers should take on that mentality. Don't fear criticism. Crave it!

Beat out the fluff. Keep concise.
Happy writing!

He Never Ran

I heard a newsclip about lightning canceling Obama's Memorial Day speech, and I thought up this poem in about five minutes.
---

The rain begins in the cemetery
And lighting flashes over Chicago.
Even the President is hurried away
Urging others to carefully go.

But he stays.

It doesn’t matter what his name is.
Once, he was a serial number in a cell far away.
Sitting in his wheelchair, some offer to push him
While others scurry and run away.

He never ran.

Not then, not now,
He never ran when the flashing in the sky
Was something far more deadly than lightning.
He stayed, lost his leg, shocked each time that he didn’t die.

Some saw danger and fled.
Most still ended up dead.

Another man comes up to him and warns him he should leave.
“It’s dangerous with the lightning and you in this chair.”
The veteran just laughs, a creaky, sagely sound.
“Sorry sonny, but you had to have been there.”

What did he know of danger,
This plumped and spoiled stranger?

He never ran away from his buddies,
Not on the battlefield, and not by their grave.
He stays to remember the pranks they played in boot camp.
He stays to remember the sacrifice they gave.

He chuckles to himself while others run with umbrellas.
He remembers the lightning storm in that land far away,
An open field, more metal on him then than this wheelchair,
And they had considered that to be a good day!

The rain soaks his white hair as he salutes.
“I never ran, my friends.
And because I didn’t run, I’ll never run again,
And true, the pain never ends.

But that’s okay.

I can sit in this wheelchair, sit in this rain,
While others flee the storm, and I can
Tell all of you heroes quite proudly:
I never ran!”

So You Wanna Be a Writer

Just thought I'd share a response to this article:
http://bit.ly/bRaViv
---

I've heard this advice many times. Matt likes to daydream about a day when I'm richer than JK Rowling. I'll be happy to get published and sell enough to break even.

The advice of writing every day is absolutely true. This is what NaNoWriMo is all about. "So, you want to be a writer? Fine, spend one month as a writer. If you can hack it and produce a 50,000 word novel, maybe you've got something." Most of the writers I've met for Nanowrimo feel beaten and exhausted at the end of the month. They're GLAD when they can stop writing and declare they don't want to touch a keyboard again. It's not a profession for them. For me, I almost always go for double, 100k words in 30 days. That's giving me a REAL challenge. If my computer is out and I can't write all day, I feel lost.

I don't write because I want to be a writer. I write because I can't imagine anything else I'd rather be doing. Whether I publish it, whether it sells, whether it gets good reviews... sure, part of me cares about that, but the important thing is to get that story out of me and sculpt it into something I like. That's why I prefer fiction. It's a story I WANT to tell, not one I feel I have to in order to get paid. That's like literary prostitution! The only time I don't write is when the seizures turn my brain into stir fry. Otherwise, I'm writing daily, or like now, editing until my brain hurts.

I used to hate editing for many of the reasons stated in this article. I would spend hours researching a scene, or looking for the right word, just to discover the entire chapter was crap. I've recently dealt myself such a devastating blow--two days of researching a description, and as I was proofreading I began to yawn. Totally boring part, did nothing to enhance my character, I wanted to skip it and go to the part I knew was exciting. Two days of research! It might work good for an article on Celtic armory, but it has no place in my story.

Every major novel I write has a file purely of "take-outs," scenes I loved at the time, and maybe they'll work somewhere else, but I had to get rid of them in order to find my literary David hidden in the lump of marble logorrhea. It hurts to edit. It's masochistic! It's one more element which makes the argument that all writers are secretly sociopaths.

However, I disagree with his opinion on "inspiration" being untrustworthy and something not to seek out. For one, I've yet to figure out how anyone "seeks" inspiration, except through Absinthe and drugs. True, some great classics came out of those altered states, but so did a lot of freakishly BAD writing.

Those who believe they can write purely on inspiration are fools. Still, there are times when I get inspired, write like a madwoman for days or weeks, foregoing sleep, and turn out something that makes me think "where the hell did THAT come from? That can't be me. It's GOOD!" And there are days when what I produce makes my stomach turn. Yesterday's sheer brilliance is today's shudder of horror. Time to hit the delete button and pretend that never happened.

Often, inspiration comes in bursts. I'll write for 2-3 hours a day, and maybe for 10 minutes I'll get a flow of words that clicks. A well-placed joke, a witty remark, a paragraph of description that leaves me stunned. Usually, I have to wait days, if not weeks, for any drive to write at all. That's the time for masochistic editing.

Inspiration is not always bad. It's just not always good, and holding on to those pages purely because they were "inspired" shows immaturity. Writers who think "inspiration"--mere episodes of prolix paroxysms--are Muse-inspired brilliance have obviously not realized that Muses hand out rocks, not pearls. A writer's job is to take that rock, cut it, polish it, and hope and pray there's a gem inside and not just mud.

Kaleidoscope of Sound

Autumn to me is a symphony.

I find it strange that some people don't see colors with sounds, or sounds with colors. I hate wearing red, orange, or yellow because it annoys my ears. Similarly, some music makes my eyes hurt.

Seeing the American flag makes me hear chaos. The red and white stripes alternate: screams and bombs, then silence, or a trill of noise that resembles a machine gun. The blue field is a soothing rustle like a brook or leaves in the forest, upon which five-pointed grenades explode. Or again, white is sometimes silence, not good silence, but death silence, in which case those stars are dead breve rests. If I look at the flag quickly, particularly if it is hanging vertical, I hear a battle. I doubt the Founding Fathers took that into consideration.

Christmas red and green is both annoying and soothing. Much like the holiday, I suppose. It is a clattering battle, like mothers fighting one another over the last toy in a store, and green choir boys singing church hymns.

Through high school, I wore black because it was a droning sound, the closest to silence I could get. White was sometimes silent, sometimes the loudest, like an Ace in a deck of cards. I accented my dark ensemble with purple or blue, because it was soft enough to speak while not screaming.

Have you ever told someone they were wearing a "loud shirt"? That can be literal to me.
But the reverse can also be true. Sounds can evoke colors.

Music is a kaleidoscope of sound. When I was a child, I always wanted to play piccolo (long story why). When I learned flute and finally got my chance to be first-chair and thus the piccolo player, I couldn't stand the noisy stick. It was too bright! It was the brightest lemon yellow, sometimes a neon pink. Even the flute was becoming too bright. I switched to low brass. The music of the low instruments is made of shades of blue and purple. I prefer my world in those colors. I tried trumpet, and that was bright. French horn is the highest I can handle now. It's khaki, although it can range to green and into brown.

Not just the timbre of the instrument, but the notes themselves can affect the color. My trombone can be indigo, but it can also become lemon yellow, even cherry red if I'm playing particularly loud. Flutes can drift along in a greenish-blue sea, but rarely do they get to purple. Percussion are like white dots that brighten an otherwise monochrome tapestry. I have to be careful when playing in band because I can get lost in the visual aspect of the song.

It's a neurological condition called synesthesia. It's not pathological, I'm not crazy (really!) In fact, I love it this way. I hear music everywhere. I see colors when I hear sounds. Who needs drugs!

I don't literally "see" every single sound or "hear" every color, but... does it make sense to say I "feel" them? I know, I know, now I'm mixing three sensory experiences at once. "Impressions" might be a better word. I currently hear a bird singing out my window. It sings low, green, then goes into a high red and yellow trill, then warbles again in the green hues. Yet I don't see those colors on my computer screen as I type this. They're in my head, not in my eyes.

Perhaps because I can control it to some extent. I think being in the school band helped me to learn when to let my brain see the sounds, and when to keep it to just impressions. Some songs are still "orangish-red with white clashes" while others are "lavender with teal waves." Listening to ambient music is best for leaning back, closing my eyes, and allowing the colors to ripple on the canvas of my mind. In those moments, yes, I do see colors because I allow myself to. I have a hard time imagining the world any other way.

Now the trees are changing color. The gentle green melody is giving a triumphant fanfare, loud, boisterous, glorious, before the dirge of grayish-white winter sweeps in and murmurs like a crowd in a church. Taking a long walk, I think, "Who needs an iPod!" I hear plenty of songs around me. Each yellow, orange, and red leaf is a player in this symphony that makes up Nature.

Music adds color to my world. Colors sing to me.

Modern Fantasy: A Genre in Need of a Diet

In response to this blunt and brutal blog about my favorite genre:

http://www.spikemagazine.com/1002fantasydiet.php

As a fantasy writer, this has really been an eye-opening examination of the genre I love. It's true, I grew up thinking these pulp writers were gods of the genre, until I began reading the old tales. How could some court balladeer capture the imagination in a song that might have taken 2-3 hours to sing, when modern writers strive for the same thing, take 5-10 books to deliver their story, and never achieve the same goal?

Perhaps they feel the modern audience can't imagine "their world;" therefore, they must delve into the intricacies they've invented in their heads for true understanding to be gained. Tolkien wrote the Silmarilian as a project saga, then mentioned the deeds stated there throughout the Lord of the Rings. But a reader doesn't have to know Silmarilian to enjoy LOTR. Modern fantasy writers should take note.

I admit, I am just as guilty. I have my 12-book-long sci-fi that I'm still tweaking. But since that is a multi-generational story, I switch up main characters every two books, and sometimes shift planets so that the reader doesn't get bogged down (or so I hope). But particularly in high fantasy stories, I have caught myself on many occasions going on lengthy tangents about obscure religions of my fantasy world that are not in any way pertinent to the plot. It's simply a tidbit I invented and thought was interesting; therefore, I feel I have the right to drag the reader through a full page of useless invention, because it's my story and I think it's important, so nya!

Mr. Burns, my high school English teacher my Junior and Senior years, told me I wrote like Charles Dickens, in that I go on tangents all the time. 12 years later, I'm still uncertain if that was a compliment or a critique. A harsh professor in college lambasted my wandering ways. I try to keep on subject now. It's not easy. Being inundated by epic series, seeing full shelves of dragon lore and fairy tales and Wiccan rants, makes a writer want the same.

We want our own shelf in Barnes and Noble, dagnabbit!

In a world where quality-equals-quantity, writers are even encouraged to take their simple story and write sequels to death. I blame Hollywood for that, more than this blog's insistence that it was Tolkien's fault. Tolkien meant for LOTR to be one story, a single saga of epic size, a modern Song of Roland or Völsunga.

His publisher probably wanted more money.

Lair of Fair Hair

56 inches.

No, that's not how tall I am. That's how long my hair is.

My hair is not "long" (defined as a few inches past the shoulders) nor "very long" (defined as below the waist), but it is considered "extremely long," i.e. it is to my knees, maybe a little past that. My last serious haircut (because everyone asks) was the summer of 1995. Since then, it has only been trims whenever I feel the split ends have taken over my head.

Let's get this straight: kids may call me Rapunzel in the supermarket, but I do not have magical hair. It tangles, it splits, it tends to frizz, especially at the beach. I sit on it. I've stepped on it and did a not-so-graceful tumble. I've closed it in the car door (but not an elevator door yet; I get asked that too). It catches on doorknobs or in the door itself and yanks me backwards after I'm already two steps away, and yes, I've fallen on my keister because of that. Kids sneak up behind me and pull it, then run away giggling. My kitty has attached himself to my bum in his attempt to attack it. I once leaned over while vacuuming, had a bunch to fall and get sucked into the canister area, and instantly lost eight inches. Surprisingly, it did not pull at my scalp. It simply ripped.

Basic facts: my hair is brown. I was born blonde, went red when I was 9, and from there it's been getting darker.

History of Hair: It was the 80s. Yes, I did the perm thing. Yes, it looked hideous. That is why you will never see pictures of me from between the years 1987 and 1991. Trust me, it was bad. A few times, I used "Sun In" to lighten my hair, especially when I was transforming into a redhead. I wanted to be blonde again. It seriously killed the hair of both me and my little sister. Nasty stuff!

The only time I dyed my hair was 1997, my senior year of high school. My hair was going red again, so I wanted to try something darker. It was my mother's suggestion to go with "blue-black" hair. Hey, if Mom gives you permission, you go for it! That's all been cut out by now. My hair is "virgin hair," not treated, a nonsmoking environment (except when my upstairs neighbor throws his cigarettes into our planter), no dyed parts left, not permed or anything, I can't stand blow dryers, blah blah.

Why all this about my hair? I'm bored, sue me!

Actually, I had an intriguing interview regarding my hair recently, what inspired me to grow it, what I do with it, how I care for it, and a bunch of such questions, some which I'm asked every frickin' day.

And yes, I am sick of it, so why start your question with "I know you're probably sick of being asked this, but..." Other questions in the interview made me ponder why no one asks more intriguing questions besides "how long does it take to dry." Mein Gott! I am asked that constantly! It's to the point where someone says "Wow, you have lovely hair," and I reply with a snappy, "Three hours! Okay? It takes three hours to dry. No blow dryer. If I braid it wet, it won't dry. Ever! Otherwise, 3 hours!!!"

Honestly, I don't think about "hair care" too often. Lathe, wash, rinse, repeat, you know the drill. But I did some homework after that interview to see if I'm using something that will kill my hair in 20 years. Maybe because I had a time in middle school where my hair was falling out so bad, I actually developed a shiny bald spot the size of a silver dollar, so I'm a tad concerned if something is going to destroy my hair like that. Back then, the solution was simple: use baby shampoo and something that looked like bug tar. Yuck! Nowadays, I got into the habit of buying whatever is at the Dollar Tree. It's cheap, but who cares, right?

Turns out Dollar Tree stuff ain't half bad! White Rain conditioners are "cone free;" they do not use silicone which "glues" your split ends together only to destroy your entire hair shaft in the long run. I also buy VO5 Naturals, which is on the "good" list.

Bad news: the White Rain Naturals Lavender Vanilla Shampoo I use apparently sucks in too many ways to list. For one, it has Ammonium Lauryl Sulfate (not the dreaded carcinogenic Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, but possibly just as bad, it's on the "no-no" ingredients list) plus likely half a dozen other irritant chemicals that I didn't bother to research after seeing that one. That might explain why I sometimes break out in a short-lived rash after showering. It also leaves my hair a bit dry if I wash it too frequently (once or twice a week is usually all I do). Well, it's cheap and it gets my hair clean, but maybe I'll splurge just a little.

One website suggested Kenra Moisturizing Shampoo. That runs $10-18/10oz bottle, depending on where you get it. Another was Monoi Shampoo, which has the "gentler" Sodium Laureth Sulfate (as opposed to "lauryl"). Price: $7-9/7.8oz bottle. Last suggestion I saw was the sulfate-free Back to Basics Blue Lavender Color Protecting Shampoo. At $10/11.5oz bottle, with the 33oz bottle going for $18. That might be my best deal... and it's my favorite LAVENDER!!!

Who am I kidding! I'll still buy from Dollar Tree.

Hair care:

1) rosewood boar bristle brush for daily use;
2) a plastic "worst thing in the world for your hair" brush if I need my hair quickly spot brushed and I don't have to worry about snagging;
3) a very long handled comb, meant for people with arthritis but it's awesome for brushing all the way down to the tip of my hair;
4) a jumbo hair claw, it holds my hair a little too tight, and plastic is rough-edged, but it's durable enough not to "slip" and big enough to hold all of my hair up in a bun;
5) a mega-size metal barrette of a butterfly. I get so many compliments about it, and it's the only clamp of its size on the planet known to actually fit ALL my thick hair at the nape of my neck, but only if it's dry and not twisted in a design;
6) my wrapped no-damage hair holders and variety of scrunchies;
7) a few small rhinestone barrettes if I want to get gussied up;
8) and my new favorite: handmade wooden hair sticks by the wonderful "Style Stix by Jayne" in the Portland Saturday Market. Big plug for her, since she is virtually unknown yet so awesomely affordable. The sticks were a birthday gift from my mother-in-law, custom ordered EXTRA long because Jayne's usual sticks would not go through all my hair. She was so nice to make these custom to my hair thickness, including a handmade cloth carrying case in iridescent black.

Yep, that's about it. Oh, and itty bitty tangle-free elastic bands that I only use if I'm doing tiny braids. Yeah... I told you, I'm not big on "hair care" or fancy hair products. What I have usually works, so that's what I have. Why do I need more? Not that I wouldn't mind some pretties for my hair, but I'm not big on that stuff.

So the interview I mentioned earlier had a bunch of other questions.

Who inspired you to grow your hair? A bad haircut did, combined with a teacher who "complimented" me that I was such an average, unassuming person, with average height, average weight, average hair, etc. That's not what you tell a 16-year-old trying to discover some individuality. So since I couldn't change the rest of me without getting plump or stretching on Wonka's taffy puller, I opted for "different" hair.

How do you wear your hair to bed? Depends on how tired I am. Sometimes it's loose, sometimes it's in a braid, both bug me in different ways. Loose and my husband rolls on top of it, braided and it hurts my neck. My little splurge was getting satin pillow cases to stop morning tangles. [Edit] In response to the commenter below, sleeping with a ponytail is actually really bad for your hair. It can cause horrible knots and breaks.

How long do you want to grow your hair? It's at my knees. That's good for now. I'll keep it there until that 8 inches that I lost in the vacuum cleaner catches up. After that, I'm curious how long it will get.

Do people compliment you or ridicule you? Both. I get stopped every time I go out with my hair down, so if I'm in a rush, it pays to spend a little time to twist it into a fast bun and use my plastic claw from hell. Once in a blue moon, I get the meth freak screaming at me that I'm Jezebel and I'm denying cancer children their wigs. Okay meth lady, try actually reading Locks of Love's website. They don't give to cancer kids. They give to children who will NEVER grow back their hair. Other NPOs do (Pantene for one). If I like my hair long, that's my choice, just like it was your choice to buy that crystal meth this morning. The difference is, it's not a crime to have long hair, so get over it and put down the knife.

Only once has anyone actually pulled a knife out and threatened to chop my hair, and that was my uncle... and no, he wasn't joking about doing it. I have a weird family.

There were other interesting questions that I'm too tired to recall, or the answers would be too long.

Instead, here's some interesting sites about living (and surviving) with long hair.


http://longhair.org/ - long hair club... join the club
http://www.rapunzelsdelight.com/ - pictures of insanely long hair and the designs you can make with it (I am determined to master the "sock bun")
http://www.longhaircommunity.com/ - everything to know about caring for your hair
http://the-light.com/mens/longhair.html - long hair for the laddies
http://www.savvyskin.com/shampoo-ingredients-to-avoid - watch what you buy
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=196051 - good cone-free conditioners (this sort of started my whole hair binge research thing)
http://www.tenderheaded.com/ - the combs here come highly recommended, I'll likely buy one soon
http://www.longlocks.com/ - great hair sticks... wish I could afford some of these
http://www.ficcare.com/ - fancy hair clamps, wish I could afford these too
http://beyondclassic.awardspace.us/choose.html - blog on hair, including commended products, an insane collection of hair goodies, and videos on designs good for knee-length hair. I still can't do a french twist with my hair, but she does.

Pantene Beautiful Lengths - If you are growing out your hair for donation, DO NOT use Locks of Love unless you are a child. They do not use adult hair at all, but sell it to other wig makers to cover administrative costs, or they simply toss it out if it has gray or damaged from color and heat treatments.

Do you want to know that those five years of diligent care and growth were used to pay some manager's Christmas bonus, or even THROWN OUT LIKE TRASH? They also charge the patient's family for the wigs. It's a sliding scale discount, but a good friend who's family dealt with Locks of Love said it still cost them hundreds of dollars just for one wig. Plus they don't give to cancer patients, nor do they claim to do so. Folks saw commercials of bald kids and assumed that they were chemo patients. Lock of Love never openly corrected the error, which I find despicable.

Okay, correction: they give wigs to a single form of cancer where basically chemo can never be stopped, therefore the child will never grow hair. That's the only one.

Yes, they do give to children with medical needs, but I would say 90% of the people donating to Locks of Love are doing so with the intent of helping cancer kids. I have met dozens of people who come up admiring my hair with stories of how they miss their long locks, but "It's all good, I donated them to Locks of Love after I lost my mother/sister/best friend/child to cancer. It'll go to a cancer kid." I cringe in pity, and I rarely tell them the truth because they look so happy about their good deed.

If you want your hair to go to ACTUAL CANCER PATIENTS, please consider using Pantene Beautiful Lengths.